Thursday, May 31, 2007
- Fah~reN~Heit ! -
:)))) FEILUNHAI makes me happyy. Seeing Jiro puts me on high. Chun sends me on a never ending dream.
I feel like a school girl again. Except I never got so hyped about any pop band like this before. Not even 5ive or BSB.
Are you going to cut me down because of what I love to do most? Are you jealous? But you have your amazing life, so let me live mine in peace.
I'm loving this boy band thing. All THANKS to Michelle. I mean it too! No sarcasm intended. You can have your JAEJOONG, can I have JIRO?
Meanwhile, a little lost for words on the essay due tomorrow. Actually now I think about it, I've lost about 2k of words? Yeah, must get a move on aY!
JiaYOU!!
I feel like a school girl again. Except I never got so hyped about any pop band like this before. Not even 5ive or BSB.
Are you going to cut me down because of what I love to do most? Are you jealous? But you have your amazing life, so let me live mine in peace.
I'm loving this boy band thing. All THANKS to Michelle. I mean it too! No sarcasm intended. You can have your JAEJOONG, can I have JIRO?
Meanwhile, a little lost for words on the essay due tomorrow. Actually now I think about it, I've lost about 2k of words? Yeah, must get a move on aY!
JiaYOU!!
-{ missing you 5/31/2007 07:52:00 pm }-
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
- . . only have feelings for . . -
When MSN stops working I turn to my blog. But it just started to work again. So I don't really need to blog. But I have already started. SO :))
#if i could erase your memory about me, i would, so then you wont have to go through the pain i will cause you# so if i asked you to die for me, would you?# you would. cos i make you happy everyday, friend#
This is what I learnt today while doing my online training thing for Burswood:
"Generally unhappy or depressed people can be more easily affected by alcohol." Damn, he was right. And I was screwed.
This song is my new song. I like it. And plenty of others like it too. DOn't like it? Then fuck off. No longer in the mood to .. do this.
#if i could erase your memory about me, i would, so then you wont have to go through the pain i will cause you# so if i asked you to die for me, would you?# you would. cos i make you happy everyday, friend#
This is what I learnt today while doing my online training thing for Burswood:
"Generally unhappy or depressed people can be more easily affected by alcohol." Damn, he was right. And I was screwed.
This song is my new song. I like it. And plenty of others like it too. DOn't like it? Then fuck off. No longer in the mood to .. do this.
-{ missing you 5/29/2007 12:28:00 am }-
Monday, May 28, 2007
- Tranquility at its best. -
Don't know what to say what to think what to feel.
It's times like these again, where I have many things to blog, but cannot start it off. Cannot think of how to put it. I'm listening to Michael Buble. Feel like I should be drinking wine to it as well.
Tonight was my last shift at Emperor's Court. Bitter sweet. Why is my life bitter sweet? Is your's as well? I don't want to write about the same things over and over. It's tiring even for me. But it's the default when my mind is in a mess of thoughts.
Why me? WHy us, we ask. We ask whom? Who can help us? Who can save us? I know by now we definitely cannot rely on Marvel comics. But why me? Is it what I choose? Is it my karma? What, WHAT? At least tell me why. But life never does. 'Why?' is a non-existent question and I wonder who the faghole was who created this word, if it could never be answered.
When will I get over this stage? This stupid , emotional, teeny bopper life that I lead.
I just killed a fly and it's lying dead on the desk in front of me while I'm typing away at the computer. I killed it with an elastic band. And I watched it twitch until it could twitch no more and it laid there it complete and utter. Stillness.
Tell me that's not sick. Tell me I'm not fucked.
It's times like these again, where I have many things to blog, but cannot start it off. Cannot think of how to put it. I'm listening to Michael Buble. Feel like I should be drinking wine to it as well.
Tonight was my last shift at Emperor's Court. Bitter sweet. Why is my life bitter sweet? Is your's as well? I don't want to write about the same things over and over. It's tiring even for me. But it's the default when my mind is in a mess of thoughts.
Why me? WHy us, we ask. We ask whom? Who can help us? Who can save us? I know by now we definitely cannot rely on Marvel comics. But why me? Is it what I choose? Is it my karma? What, WHAT? At least tell me why. But life never does. 'Why?' is a non-existent question and I wonder who the faghole was who created this word, if it could never be answered.
When will I get over this stage? This stupid , emotional, teeny bopper life that I lead.
I just killed a fly and it's lying dead on the desk in front of me while I'm typing away at the computer. I killed it with an elastic band. And I watched it twitch until it could twitch no more and it laid there it complete and utter. Stillness.
Tell me that's not sick. Tell me I'm not fucked.
-{ missing you 5/28/2007 12:20:00 am }-
Friday, May 25, 2007
- Left right, left left right. -
How could I forget the happiness that my cousin brought to me when I was there?
The happiness I felt with those around me? Was the culprit because it was temporary? Is happiness temporary?
When I walked into my mothers bathroom today, I saw the most beautiful, natural red roses I've ever seen. They were blood red. Fresh blood red. It made me happy for a while. What makes happiness? Someone tried to argue that you should be careful. Because what you might think to be happiness, you may have been pursuing pleasure. And I respond, what if I was merely pursuing pleasure and that is my happiness? Then what is stopping me from being happy?
There may not have been happy, but at least I can go down the memorable path with the many stories to tell. Instead of 'trying' to go down happy which meant staying away from the kerb. Pleasure brings excitement and temporary happiness and in the long term, memories. What's wrong with that?
The happiness I felt with those around me? Was the culprit because it was temporary? Is happiness temporary?
When I walked into my mothers bathroom today, I saw the most beautiful, natural red roses I've ever seen. They were blood red. Fresh blood red. It made me happy for a while. What makes happiness? Someone tried to argue that you should be careful. Because what you might think to be happiness, you may have been pursuing pleasure. And I respond, what if I was merely pursuing pleasure and that is my happiness? Then what is stopping me from being happy?There may not have been happy, but at least I can go down the memorable path with the many stories to tell. Instead of 'trying' to go down happy which meant staying away from the kerb. Pleasure brings excitement and temporary happiness and in the long term, memories. What's wrong with that?
.
.
.
.
.
.
And what's wrong if happiness came in a big tall bottle that says, 37% alcohol?
Absolut-ly nothing.
-{ missing you 5/25/2007 07:01:00 pm }-
- Tell all your friends that I'M DEAD -
Hrms. OK. This is not going to be the blog that I was talking about to Michelle where I told her to try and keep me sane (on the other side of the computer) and stop me from blogging irrationally. But I'd like to think that the 4 am to 12pm sleep did me some good?
You know the four people that I decided to chat with last night, even though I did say not to, ALL of them had used the word confusion in relation to me. Even when I was calmed down, my sentences were like a bleeurrgh. ANd nobody understood what I was on about. And then I read my sentences out loud. And even I got confused in it. Maybe 'cos I am confused. But them all being confused about what I was saying frustrated me and made me angrier, probably because of the state of events that happened after I came home and before I came on the net all ranting and raving.
I was so angry that I was soo tempted to run outside, take the car and go somewhere. But I remembered. I have nowhere. I had no one at that instant. Sometimes it sucks to have to stop and think that other people are dealing with their shit, their assignments. It sucks 'cos you know I love myself.
So I'm confused. :))
Ok, maybe no more about that. Until I think about something else constructive to write about. Yesterday I had to work in the day, until 12pm and I decided I could work no more because I was all crampy and shit. Then I took my time making my way down to uni where I researched for my essay and planned it out. I was with Caroline and Yeeyang at the time, who were Ebuddying alot. Especially to each other. Yeah they were sitting next to each other. Meanwhile Michelle and Noelle were upstairs 3rd floor, both finishing assignments and were being productive. No immaturities about doughnuts and penguins and maroon jumpers and baby blue tops. And the other one. Yeah, you know.
*atm, Taking Back Sunday is the latest craze I'm into, esp. 'Cute without the E' heart heart their songs! *
Yeah studied 'til the sun went down and waited for Fel to come to uni so we could all go to dinner. and during this time I managed to lose my phone in the library and SOME SUPEREXTRAORDINARY PERSON WAS NICE ENOUGH TO HAND IT TO THE INQUIRY DESK. Man was I relieved. Relieved to know that this person did something good and that I had as well, to receive such good karma. I did do a good deed the day before but I don't know if that was good enough for this to happen to me. Then she finally came and me, Caz, Yy and Weifong ran out of the library like escaping the evil wrath of. something and we made our way to Ciao Italias.
We have pictures. But it's that time of the month/semester. They won't go up until .. study break? Surprisingly our wait was quite LONG, like 45 minutes, but I wasn't to fussed about that. Cos the food never fails to taste good. The spaghetti Marianara was the best. After that, the others were going to make their way down to Kiwi's b'day karaoke. I know it's not how her name is spelt but it's how you say it! =P
YES people. ANother birthday, another karaoke session, another FOB session.
SHould I continue? Because I know how most of my readers have this thing against FOBS of all sorts. Yes we know, excluding Michelle who loves her FOBS. Right, I'll make it short and painful. Songs: definitely Chinese, unfortunately on our part it was Canto, so decided to sit there and make friends instead. It was quite interesting. Met this guy who reminded me soo much of my cousin. I miss my cousin so so so much. They are so SIMILAR. Was even more scary when the guy messaged me this morning and called me a pig for sleeping in. Next thing you know he'll be calling me
笨 蛋 . Then I will cry.
More pictures will be taken 'cos I will be dinnering with Niss, Alan and I'm not too sure who else will be coming. Hope it's a bunch! ANd then there is Kath's bbq next Saturday. Can't wait! Oh and if I haven't told you already, I quit Emperor's Court. For those who know should know I'm very happy about it. Until next time, I promise the pictures will come soon. Busy busy doesn't keep me from keeping my promises to you guys!!
*lovehearts* for all!
-AUGUSTANA- only one-
You know the four people that I decided to chat with last night, even though I did say not to, ALL of them had used the word confusion in relation to me. Even when I was calmed down, my sentences were like a bleeurrgh. ANd nobody understood what I was on about. And then I read my sentences out loud. And even I got confused in it. Maybe 'cos I am confused. But them all being confused about what I was saying frustrated me and made me angrier, probably because of the state of events that happened after I came home and before I came on the net all ranting and raving.
I was so angry that I was soo tempted to run outside, take the car and go somewhere. But I remembered. I have nowhere. I had no one at that instant. Sometimes it sucks to have to stop and think that other people are dealing with their shit, their assignments. It sucks 'cos you know I love myself.
So I'm confused. :))
Ok, maybe no more about that. Until I think about something else constructive to write about. Yesterday I had to work in the day, until 12pm and I decided I could work no more because I was all crampy and shit. Then I took my time making my way down to uni where I researched for my essay and planned it out. I was with Caroline and Yeeyang at the time, who were Ebuddying alot. Especially to each other. Yeah they were sitting next to each other. Meanwhile Michelle and Noelle were upstairs 3rd floor, both finishing assignments and were being productive. No immaturities about doughnuts and penguins and maroon jumpers and baby blue tops. And the other one. Yeah, you know.
*atm, Taking Back Sunday is the latest craze I'm into, esp. 'Cute without the E' heart heart their songs! *
Yeah studied 'til the sun went down and waited for Fel to come to uni so we could all go to dinner. and during this time I managed to lose my phone in the library and SOME SUPEREXTRAORDINARY PERSON WAS NICE ENOUGH TO HAND IT TO THE INQUIRY DESK. Man was I relieved. Relieved to know that this person did something good and that I had as well, to receive such good karma. I did do a good deed the day before but I don't know if that was good enough for this to happen to me. Then she finally came and me, Caz, Yy and Weifong ran out of the library like escaping the evil wrath of. something and we made our way to Ciao Italias.
We have pictures. But it's that time of the month/semester. They won't go up until .. study break? Surprisingly our wait was quite LONG, like 45 minutes, but I wasn't to fussed about that. Cos the food never fails to taste good. The spaghetti Marianara was the best. After that, the others were going to make their way down to Kiwi's b'day karaoke. I know it's not how her name is spelt but it's how you say it! =P
YES people. ANother birthday, another karaoke session, another FOB session.
SHould I continue? Because I know how most of my readers have this thing against FOBS of all sorts. Yes we know, excluding Michelle who loves her FOBS. Right, I'll make it short and painful. Songs: definitely Chinese, unfortunately on our part it was Canto, so decided to sit there and make friends instead. It was quite interesting. Met this guy who reminded me soo much of my cousin. I miss my cousin so so so much. They are so SIMILAR. Was even more scary when the guy messaged me this morning and called me a pig for sleeping in. Next thing you know he'll be calling me
笨 蛋 . Then I will cry.
More pictures will be taken 'cos I will be dinnering with Niss, Alan and I'm not too sure who else will be coming. Hope it's a bunch! ANd then there is Kath's bbq next Saturday. Can't wait! Oh and if I haven't told you already, I quit Emperor's Court. For those who know should know I'm very happy about it. Until next time, I promise the pictures will come soon. Busy busy doesn't keep me from keeping my promises to you guys!!
*lovehearts* for all!
-AUGUSTANA- only one-
-{ missing you 5/25/2007 12:17:00 pm }-
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
- In humility and retardation -
I hope Anthony doesn't mind me calling him Ant >.<
But dialogue-ing is hard! But yeah yesterday was another adventurous day at uni, as it always is! We have expeditions, sometimes failures when we meet our nemesis, and soemtimes successes when we conquer the castles evils. ANd other shit like that. Yeah, right here in ol' UWA.
But yesterday was a different sort of adventure. Not the usual slay the dragon type of adventure. But slay the scientific myth of mentos with Coke. The shit that we did to get our stuff! We had everything there. And our first attempt failed cos we used normal coke. In fact, it was diet Coke instead. So we trekked back to our 'resources' centre to get our 'diet' coke. Only to find out that they were going to be a delay to our mission! Darn resources centre. So we bought ourselves a small bottle of diet coke, and tried that out.
Even though I recorded this mission with confidence to show everybody our successes, I rather not show you ... yet. But here's is the dialogue.
(So we started to set up everything, yet Michelle already foresaw failure)
mich/omg! its not gonna work!
ant/maybe try unscrew the lid a little bit.
mich/ why wont it work!!
(watching the mentos fizzle in the bottle)
lis/this is getting uninteresting
ant/ you gotta stick more in
lis/yeah we only put one in!
ant/ yeah we should've put three.
mich/ wat the hell, this is stupid!
ant/ wat if it doesnt work
mich/ it looks like its gonna work
lis/ ok i think you need two more - two more!
mich/ i think its coming up
lis/ two - one more!
ant/ ok go go go go!
mich/ no its coming up!
ant/ yeah we want it faster!
ant/ here it comes..
lis/ its gonna be like...
*FAILURE* (and all break into histerics)
ant/ this is so bad!
It was much more interesting while we were there. I was in histerics the whole time. I felt like a little kid. I think we're gonna attempt it again or soemthing. But properly this time. 2L of DIET COKE and a TUBE of mentos. And we put at least FOUR in together.
I wanna play with fireworks hey. This all reminds me of my childhood memories in Malaysia...
maybe i'll put up the vid. but i don't know if i'm ready to humiliate myself on my own blog.
Speaking of humiliation, I don't think I can show my face around Burswood anymore. Because I've been there, what, how long? AND THERE's ALREADY RUMOURS ABOUT ME =((
Not happy, not proud (in a denying sort of way) and what can I do really?
Quit? And this is what my friend told me when I asked her about it:
This is the OFFICIAL welcome to Burswood Convention Centre staff.
eh?
But dialogue-ing is hard! But yeah yesterday was another adventurous day at uni, as it always is! We have expeditions, sometimes failures when we meet our nemesis, and soemtimes successes when we conquer the castles evils. ANd other shit like that. Yeah, right here in ol' UWA.
But yesterday was a different sort of adventure. Not the usual slay the dragon type of adventure. But slay the scientific myth of mentos with Coke. The shit that we did to get our stuff! We had everything there. And our first attempt failed cos we used normal coke. In fact, it was diet Coke instead. So we trekked back to our 'resources' centre to get our 'diet' coke. Only to find out that they were going to be a delay to our mission! Darn resources centre. So we bought ourselves a small bottle of diet coke, and tried that out.
Even though I recorded this mission with confidence to show everybody our successes, I rather not show you ... yet. But here's is the dialogue.
(So we started to set up everything, yet Michelle already foresaw failure)
mich/omg! its not gonna work!
ant/maybe try unscrew the lid a little bit.
mich/ why wont it work!!
(watching the mentos fizzle in the bottle)
lis/this is getting uninteresting
ant/ you gotta stick more in
lis/yeah we only put one in!
ant/ yeah we should've put three.
(Michelle kindly -involuntarily- walks to put more in)
mich/ ok if it explodes in my face when i get there-
lis/ we'll compensate you with coke!
mich/ i think i'll have enough coke for a life time(Michelle puts in the mentos and runs of like it was really gonna explode. Aparantly we did as well the first time)
ant/ i think we need more hey
mich/ wat the hell, this is stupid!
ant/ wat if it doesnt work
mich/ it looks like its gonna work
lis/ ok i think you need two more - two more!
mich/ i think its coming up
lis/ two - one more!
ant/ ok go go go go!
mich/ no its coming up!
ant/ yeah we want it faster!
ant/ here it comes..
lis/ its gonna be like...
*FAILURE* (and all break into histerics)
ant/ this is so bad!
It was much more interesting while we were there. I was in histerics the whole time. I felt like a little kid. I think we're gonna attempt it again or soemthing. But properly this time. 2L of DIET COKE and a TUBE of mentos. And we put at least FOUR in together.
I wanna play with fireworks hey. This all reminds me of my childhood memories in Malaysia...
maybe i'll put up the vid. but i don't know if i'm ready to humiliate myself on my own blog.
Speaking of humiliation, I don't think I can show my face around Burswood anymore. Because I've been there, what, how long? AND THERE's ALREADY RUMOURS ABOUT ME =((
Not happy, not proud (in a denying sort of way) and what can I do really?
Quit? And this is what my friend told me when I asked her about it:
This is the OFFICIAL welcome to Burswood Convention Centre staff.
eh?
-{ missing you 5/23/2007 12:27:00 am }-
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
- Cascada - Another You -
Is that better? Not really my song choice but it is nice, and easy on the ears. I didn't think rock would actually go well but worth the try. Everytime I opened my own blog i kept forgetting abt the music and scare the bejesus outta myself. Speakers on too loud.
So this one is kinda better. But not really my theme. I will find another one. meanwhile Cascada will have to do.
Thanks for the input/"constructive criticism" *eyeing kimmy*
So this one is kinda better. But not really my theme. I will find another one. meanwhile Cascada will have to do.
Thanks for the input/"constructive criticism" *eyeing kimmy*
-{ missing you 5/22/2007 02:19:00 am }-
Friday, May 18, 2007
Ok, this isn't working. Here I am, sitting at the computer listening to Rain, staring at my lamp while eating my wafers. When I should be doing my essay that was supposed to be handed in hours ago. But I can't do it. And I have a sore on my nose. Excuses that are far from legit, but who's to tell me off? Who's to whip me back into study mode?
The wafers are really nice. And have you seen the changes made to the blog? Yeah, that's right suckers, Pacman! If you have a screwed up pc like I do, just scroll all the way to the bottom, it's floating down there somewhere.
You know we went to Ambar Bar last week? We were supposed to go to Leedy after, but that idea kind of fell through 'cos we were at Ambar way longer than we were supposed to. Nobody really likes to dwell on where we all went after. A lot of people are really ashamed of it, yet we still always go there? Quote: it's like my second home. Unquote. Another quote: I know I won't be hit on in there. Unquote. The second one was quite odd.
Tip: Don't listen to "happy people" who say that it's ok to walk from Murray street all the way to Roe street in the middle of the night. [Un]happy people should take into consideration the walk back to Murray st. (where the car is parked) with a happy person ranting about fuck all while taking their shoes off and putting them back on repeatedly due to fear of broken glass on the ground.
And stoopid Mish broke my favourite bracelet - the one Caz got for me for my 18th! Poo to you Mish!
Naw, its really quite alright lol.
Guess what my favourite letter of the alphabet is : L? E? J? A, C, S, Z?
The wafers are really nice. And have you seen the changes made to the blog? Yeah, that's right suckers, Pacman! If you have a screwed up pc like I do, just scroll all the way to the bottom, it's floating down there somewhere.
You know we went to Ambar Bar last week? We were supposed to go to Leedy after, but that idea kind of fell through 'cos we were at Ambar way longer than we were supposed to. Nobody really likes to dwell on where we all went after. A lot of people are really ashamed of it, yet we still always go there? Quote: it's like my second home. Unquote. Another quote: I know I won't be hit on in there. Unquote. The second one was quite odd.
Tip: Don't listen to "happy people" who say that it's ok to walk from Murray street all the way to Roe street in the middle of the night. [Un]happy people should take into consideration the walk back to Murray st. (where the car is parked) with a happy person ranting about fuck all while taking their shoes off and putting them back on repeatedly due to fear of broken glass on the ground.
And stoopid Mish broke my favourite bracelet - the one Caz got for me for my 18th! Poo to you Mish!
Naw, its really quite alright lol.
Guess what my favourite letter of the alphabet is : L? E? J? A, C, S, Z?
-{ missing you 5/18/2007 09:03:00 pm }-
- cKin2u -
Buy this for mee and I'm yours forever S2.-{ missing you 5/18/2007 03:17:00 pm }-
Monday, May 14, 2007
- The rule of give and take -
The frustration of today has sent me reeling. Everything has magnified how microscopic my life is and the fact that I'm a narcissist (AS is EVERYONE else), I tend to macro the happenings of my life. And tell everyone about it. Well, almost everyone. It's such a woe to be like, yeah my life this my life that. I want to share and you want to hear right?
Tonight I'm in the need to talk to somebody, but I have nobody. It's not so much talk talk. But like rant to somebody that doesn't care. But I realised how much most people do care, whether it'd be for me or themselves. And it doesn't work that way. So I'm gonna blog my problems away, fucking myself over again because my asignment is due soon. Like fuckin' Friday-soon.
I . I don't know how to start. The subject of giving and taking can't just start from no where and I don't know how to start this post. This topic. It's like, this thing about me taking from someone, and unable to give something back. I can't give anything back because they don't need anything from me. They don't need anything, but I need them. And whilst thinking about this thought, I don't mean that everyone else is not important in my life. I love you all. You all provide me with different things that I need, which I am grateful. But this one person that provides me with my needs doesn't need me. And it makes me feel awful.
The problem is that they are in a time of need, and I'm not needed. And I'm actually hurt. But I hate myself even more now because I realised that I have in fact turned this situation into me again. I am hurt and angry because I am not in the picture. If they are in need, and they have the people to help them in this time, then I should be happy that they are getting on
fine. I should be happy.
But all I can think of is this selfish idea that I'm not in the picture.
And again, the problem is much bigger than me. People have real problems to deal with rather than the ones I burden my friends with. The ones that set us back weeks and months, discussed endlessly upon ends, hopelessly with false doubts. But this doesn't mean I'll quit with the me talk. Just quite upset tonight I think. Upset about my small problems and other people's big problems. And the problems in between.
You know what I said? I said, I'm in pursuit of excitement, not happiness, so there is nothing to be sad about. Sometimes I hate myself so much. For being stupid and sometimes being happy. And then sometimes for hating life when I am actually enjoying it or what not. Yeah, quite emotional. But how much of that do you see on me physically? Not much right? So I sound real silly when I blog it right?
One. I am still 19 and (for a few months left) I have the right to remain teeny-boppy. Two. I've established that I may be an optimist in disguise rather than the pessimist in disguise that I think I am. Three, I've re-established that I am a realist, something I once said before and got cut down by an anon from it.
This post remains unfinished because I am both happy and disappointed with myself, disappointed with a lot of people and just plain disappointed.
I was so happy at the beginning of the day. The air was crisp and it was a sunny Monday morning...
Tonight I'm in the need to talk to somebody, but I have nobody. It's not so much talk talk. But like rant to somebody that doesn't care. But I realised how much most people do care, whether it'd be for me or themselves. And it doesn't work that way. So I'm gonna blog my problems away, fucking myself over again because my asignment is due soon. Like fuckin' Friday-soon.
I . I don't know how to start. The subject of giving and taking can't just start from no where and I don't know how to start this post. This topic. It's like, this thing about me taking from someone, and unable to give something back. I can't give anything back because they don't need anything from me. They don't need anything, but I need them. And whilst thinking about this thought, I don't mean that everyone else is not important in my life. I love you all. You all provide me with different things that I need, which I am grateful. But this one person that provides me with my needs doesn't need me. And it makes me feel awful.
The problem is that they are in a time of need, and I'm not needed. And I'm actually hurt. But I hate myself even more now because I realised that I have in fact turned this situation into me again. I am hurt and angry because I am not in the picture. If they are in need, and they have the people to help them in this time, then I should be happy that they are getting on
fine. I should be happy.
But all I can think of is this selfish idea that I'm not in the picture.
And again, the problem is much bigger than me. People have real problems to deal with rather than the ones I burden my friends with. The ones that set us back weeks and months, discussed endlessly upon ends, hopelessly with false doubts. But this doesn't mean I'll quit with the me talk. Just quite upset tonight I think. Upset about my small problems and other people's big problems. And the problems in between.
You know what I said? I said, I'm in pursuit of excitement, not happiness, so there is nothing to be sad about. Sometimes I hate myself so much. For being stupid and sometimes being happy. And then sometimes for hating life when I am actually enjoying it or what not. Yeah, quite emotional. But how much of that do you see on me physically? Not much right? So I sound real silly when I blog it right?
One. I am still 19 and (for a few months left) I have the right to remain teeny-boppy. Two. I've established that I may be an optimist in disguise rather than the pessimist in disguise that I think I am. Three, I've re-established that I am a realist, something I once said before and got cut down by an anon from it.
This post remains unfinished because I am both happy and disappointed with myself, disappointed with a lot of people and just plain disappointed.
I was so happy at the beginning of the day. The air was crisp and it was a sunny Monday morning...
-{ missing you 5/14/2007 11:38:00 pm }-
Thursday, May 10, 2007
- The shadow that lurks behind -
Why do we always see past those that are good for us? We choose to believe that the rotten bits can be cut off, eaten around. Or eaten.
And then you eat it and get a stomach ache. Eating around it just denies that it is in fact bad, no longer good at all.No matter how hard you want to believe it's good, IT ISN'T.
Nicky Lee : ..ni yi j ing tou tou tou le wo de xin..
From the notes of a, person trying to make sense of, stuff, denial is a form of neurosis. Something that old Freud came up with and said all this shit that we can relate to in our lives. Sometimes he makes sense, and sometimes his theory falls through.
I'm going to cry when I think about this, but when they __________,
I was never adored, not wanted, not loved.
Your hands were there and not here.
And thats why, distance plays an important factor to this all.
Nicky Lee : ..li kai shi wei yi de jie tuo..
I used to give the benefit of the doubt. But I don't want to anymore. I remain strong.
And then you eat it and get a stomach ache. Eating around it just denies that it is in fact bad, no longer good at all.No matter how hard you want to believe it's good, IT ISN'T.
Nicky Lee : ..ni yi j ing tou tou tou le wo de xin..
From the notes of a, person trying to make sense of, stuff, denial is a form of neurosis. Something that old Freud came up with and said all this shit that we can relate to in our lives. Sometimes he makes sense, and sometimes his theory falls through.
I'm going to cry when I think about this, but when they __________,
I was never adored, not wanted, not loved.
Your hands were there and not here.
And thats why, distance plays an important factor to this all.
Nicky Lee : ..li kai shi wei yi de jie tuo..
I used to give the benefit of the doubt. But I don't want to anymore. I remain strong.
-{ missing you 5/10/2007 03:18:00 pm }-
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
- The everlasting fad -
Blogging. How many times have I talked about this? And yet I always find myself coming back to the topic of blogs.
I started this craze just less than a year ago. And now, I'm an addict. A post almost everyday. It may show dedication, but I think so many of my blogging friends achieve way more in their blogs as opposed to mine. And for the reason that they are friends, I won't name names, because in the end I still read everyone's blogs but there are just some that go the extra mile for me and become the better ones.
It's when you read it and become addicted to their writing. I recently discovered a blog that was talked about by an individual for a while now. So I checked it out. Did I ever think I'd get chills reading a blog post? It was more than a blog post. It was poeted. It was exquisite. It was fucking good. I fell in love at first sight.
Some other individual think that they're such a noob and amateur to the world of blogging but their words put together such an amazing stories, turning a boring everyday to an amazing [funny] story that keeps me captivated.
Another blog I love is one that is the ultimate entertainer. The one almost everyone knows and reads and loves. When they put the effort they pull off the best posts everytime. Almost everytime.
And nobody's blog but Kenny Sia's (yeah, I can name him cos his famous) has made me laugh 'til I got stomach aches, and cried for HIS beloved father.
I also envy articulated blogs. The ones that twist and turn in their meaning, trying to make sense of everything but are inevitably lost. But I love them dearly anyway. It's the ones I know how to relate to.
It's these individuals, all whom blog in their own style and comfort that make it all the more interesting for readers like me. There are other blogs that entertain me equally, but these ones have their own spin on it that really make it their own. *special*
We all have our reasons to blog and blog what ever we want. So there really is no need to put someone down for what they wrote, what they will write and what not. It may be that you choose to record daily events, or rantings, or stories or crypted secrets. It's your own blog. It's your own space. A small small space in the big big virtual world that you call your own and tell the undesirables to fuck off.
I love all my worlds, whether it be my material world, superficial world or the highly scrutinised.
~who is that selfish bastard that sits there in the corner trying to be someone that they probably are? The fuckhead who thinks he's fucked up and that's the excuse to fuck up everyone else. You are not an excuse. Clean up your act and be the man that you can be. Wake up. Stop pretending.
I started this craze just less than a year ago. And now, I'm an addict. A post almost everyday. It may show dedication, but I think so many of my blogging friends achieve way more in their blogs as opposed to mine. And for the reason that they are friends, I won't name names, because in the end I still read everyone's blogs but there are just some that go the extra mile for me and become the better ones.
It's when you read it and become addicted to their writing. I recently discovered a blog that was talked about by an individual for a while now. So I checked it out. Did I ever think I'd get chills reading a blog post? It was more than a blog post. It was poeted. It was exquisite. It was fucking good. I fell in love at first sight.
Some other individual think that they're such a noob and amateur to the world of blogging but their words put together such an amazing stories, turning a boring everyday to an amazing [funny] story that keeps me captivated.
Another blog I love is one that is the ultimate entertainer. The one almost everyone knows and reads and loves. When they put the effort they pull off the best posts everytime. Almost everytime.
And nobody's blog but Kenny Sia's (yeah, I can name him cos his famous) has made me laugh 'til I got stomach aches, and cried for HIS beloved father.
I also envy articulated blogs. The ones that twist and turn in their meaning, trying to make sense of everything but are inevitably lost. But I love them dearly anyway. It's the ones I know how to relate to.
It's these individuals, all whom blog in their own style and comfort that make it all the more interesting for readers like me. There are other blogs that entertain me equally, but these ones have their own spin on it that really make it their own. *special*
We all have our reasons to blog and blog what ever we want. So there really is no need to put someone down for what they wrote, what they will write and what not. It may be that you choose to record daily events, or rantings, or stories or crypted secrets. It's your own blog. It's your own space. A small small space in the big big virtual world that you call your own and tell the undesirables to fuck off.
I love all my worlds, whether it be my material world, superficial world or the highly scrutinised.
~who is that selfish bastard that sits there in the corner trying to be someone that they probably are? The fuckhead who thinks he's fucked up and that's the excuse to fuck up everyone else. You are not an excuse. Clean up your act and be the man that you can be. Wake up. Stop pretending.
-{ missing you 5/08/2007 09:22:00 pm }-
Monday, May 07, 2007
- Aqua Times -
Stole from 'Beautiful Letdown'. I haven't done these since teeny bopper years. It's time you knew a bit about this character that is yours truly.
Name: Lisa Ang
Birthday: 9th August 1987
Birthplace: Perth, Australia
Current Location: here
Eye Colour: dark brown
Height: 163.5? Or maybe 165.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Chinese Malaysian ?
The Shoes You Wore Today: Blue slip on heels that hurted my feet. Wore them to uni, smart ay?
Your Weakness: Oh god, what? Guys that smell nice?
Your Fears: I fear… petty things..
Your Perfect Pizza: anything without prawns, anchovies, olives…
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I don’t do goals
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: meh
Thoughts First Waking Up: Oh shit
Your Best Physical Feature: my hair
Your Bedtime: when I yawn and close my eyes
Your Most Missed Memory: how do I miss a memory?
Pepsi or Coke: Coke OF COURSE
MacDonalds or Burger King: MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates: …
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Latte
Do you Smoke: passively
Do you Swear: Fuck yeah
Do you Sing: YeP, KTV all the way baybee
Do you Shower Daily: yehh!!
Have you Been in Love: No
Do you want to go to College: No, cos I go to Uni?
Do you want to get Married: Later
Do you believe in yourself: To an extent
Do you get Motion Sickness: Don’t think so.
Are you a Health Freak: sif
Do you get along with your Parents: yes, to an extent
Do you like Thunderstorms: Love them
Do you play an Instrument: No
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yeah, sigh.
In the past month have you Smoked: passively
In the past month have you been on Drugs: yeah, happy drugs.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: April… nah.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yeah!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yeah, Matsuri
In the past month have you been on Stage: At the front of the room doing recorded presentation, that count?
In the past month have you been Dumped: Sif.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Don’t think so.
Ever been Drunk: NO! I'm not DRUNK!
Ever been called a tease: Umm… has anyone called me a tease?
Ever been Beaten up: No.
Ever shoplifted: No.
How do you want to Die: In pain, pain is the way to go.
What do you want to be when you grow up: I’m not grown up yet?
What country would you most like to Visit: The one I won’t have a chance of going to.
Number of Drugs I have taken: Do meds count?
Number of CDs I own: I don’t waste my time counting cd’s. I waste it doing shit like this.
Number of Piercings: 2.5 pairs + another one soon. Like tomorrow?
Number of Tattoos: 1 .. soon.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I can give you a lecture about regret. But meh
In a boy/girl: In?
Favourite eye colour: eh?
Favourite Hair Color: wah?
Short or Long Hair: mine is long
Height: I’d like to think I’m average height
Best Clothing Style: Mystyle, or YesStyle is good too!
Well, I don't think you really learnt that much about me. I have so much to blog about that I can't because its like all piled up. Like my online lectures.
Name: Lisa Ang
Birthday: 9th August 1987
Birthplace: Perth, Australia
Current Location: here
Eye Colour: dark brown
Height: 163.5? Or maybe 165.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Chinese Malaysian ?
The Shoes You Wore Today: Blue slip on heels that hurted my feet. Wore them to uni, smart ay?
Your Weakness: Oh god, what? Guys that smell nice?
Your Fears: I fear… petty things..
Your Perfect Pizza: anything without prawns, anchovies, olives…
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I don’t do goals
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: meh
Thoughts First Waking Up: Oh shit
Your Best Physical Feature: my hair
Your Bedtime: when I yawn and close my eyes
Your Most Missed Memory: how do I miss a memory?
Pepsi or Coke: Coke OF COURSE
MacDonalds or Burger King: MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates: …
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Latte
Do you Smoke: passively
Do you Swear: Fuck yeah
Do you Sing: YeP, KTV all the way baybee
Do you Shower Daily: yehh!!
Have you Been in Love: No
Do you want to go to College: No, cos I go to Uni?
Do you want to get Married: Later
Do you believe in yourself: To an extent
Do you get Motion Sickness: Don’t think so.
Are you a Health Freak: sif
Do you get along with your Parents: yes, to an extent
Do you like Thunderstorms: Love them
Do you play an Instrument: No
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yeah, sigh.
In the past month have you Smoked: passively
In the past month have you been on Drugs: yeah, happy drugs.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: April… nah.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yeah!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yeah, Matsuri
In the past month have you been on Stage: At the front of the room doing recorded presentation, that count?
In the past month have you been Dumped: Sif.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Don’t think so.
Ever been Drunk: NO! I'm not DRUNK!
Ever been called a tease: Umm… has anyone called me a tease?
Ever been Beaten up: No.
Ever shoplifted: No.
How do you want to Die: In pain, pain is the way to go.
What do you want to be when you grow up: I’m not grown up yet?
What country would you most like to Visit: The one I won’t have a chance of going to.
Number of Drugs I have taken: Do meds count?
Number of CDs I own: I don’t waste my time counting cd’s. I waste it doing shit like this.
Number of Piercings: 2.5 pairs + another one soon. Like tomorrow?
Number of Tattoos: 1 .. soon.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I can give you a lecture about regret. But meh
In a boy/girl: In?
Favourite eye colour: eh?
Favourite Hair Color: wah?
Short or Long Hair: mine is long
Height: I’d like to think I’m average height
Best Clothing Style: Mystyle, or YesStyle is good too!
Well, I don't think you really learnt that much about me. I have so much to blog about that I can't because its like all piled up. Like my online lectures.
-{ missing you 5/07/2007 11:33:00 pm }-
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
- Ohhhh yeahhhh -
Guess what! My ultimate 200th post! Yay, I know it's not surprising considering I blog almost everyday right? I don't know. I feel happy.
Today started off crappy. Heading to uni with an unfinished assignment and unread readings for tutorial. But you know what? I actually finished the darn thing. At 4.45pm! Talk about last minute. I was kind of proud but not. You know what I mean. So by finishing the assignment at that time meant that I was at uni 'til 5pm+. It was quite cold.
When I got home, Michelle messages me to go to the Leederville, and talk about good timing! Nothing else BETTER to do and I just crappily finished my assignment. So we headed out to get some bbt (as all typical *cough*modern* aZn's do) before heading out there. Btw tonight is filled with so many 'guess what?'s and 'what do you know's.
AND what DO you know? It's like the Deen, but better! Totally rocks my socks. We've never been so impressed since one ktv night ago. First of all, there's bars everywhere! Drinks everywhere you go! Heaven I'll say. And then the music is pretty alright too. AND there are places to sit. AND AND we found this secluded dancefloor bit that we're humungously in love with. and the place is quite white too. Yeah, exploring was the best bit! I only didn't like the fact that I was quite bloated from bbt and beer.
So as you can see I'm quite excited about this new territory and you know what this means?!
Thattts right! We're going out to Leedz soon and EVERYONE must come.
We gonna fuckin' Asian-ise the place up and rock dis party AY!! And that means YOU
YOU YOU YOU, yes YOU!!!
happy 200th post. to me.
Today started off crappy. Heading to uni with an unfinished assignment and unread readings for tutorial. But you know what? I actually finished the darn thing. At 4.45pm! Talk about last minute. I was kind of proud but not. You know what I mean. So by finishing the assignment at that time meant that I was at uni 'til 5pm+. It was quite cold.
When I got home, Michelle messages me to go to the Leederville, and talk about good timing! Nothing else BETTER to do and I just crappily finished my assignment. So we headed out to get some bbt (as all typical *cough*modern* aZn's do) before heading out there. Btw tonight is filled with so many 'guess what?'s and 'what do you know's.
AND what DO you know? It's like the Deen, but better! Totally rocks my socks. We've never been so impressed since one ktv night ago. First of all, there's bars everywhere! Drinks everywhere you go! Heaven I'll say. And then the music is pretty alright too. AND there are places to sit. AND AND we found this secluded dancefloor bit that we're humungously in love with. and the place is quite white too. Yeah, exploring was the best bit! I only didn't like the fact that I was quite bloated from bbt and beer.
So as you can see I'm quite excited about this new territory and you know what this means?!
Thattts right! We're going out to Leedz soon and EVERYONE must come.
We gonna fuckin' Asian-ise the place up and rock dis party AY!! And that means YOU
YOU YOU YOU, yes YOU!!!
happy 200th post. to me.
-{ missing you 5/02/2007 11:41:00 pm }-
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
- Failure is flattering, friends aren't -
The other day: Yee yang's question after our discussion about skulling B151's and not sipping it,
So what's the point of drinking a 151?
Michelle's wise reply,
What's the point of drinking alcohol?
I think it's finally hit me that I may have lost more than I gained, but the quality of what I lost might not have been worth anything in the first place.
It's like when you gamble, you'd be stupid not to prepare yourself that you might lose all your money. In getting where I am today, I think I prepared myself to lose what I've lost.
But I haven't lost everything. I still have a few pennies in my pocket that could make me a winner.
Could a zero
Mean inevitable soul healing?
No, only Lackadaisicality!
-{ missing you 5/01/2007 03:36:00 pm }-