Friday, August 31, 2007
- i will find a better day -
I also want a 365 day project. :(((
I will when I cbf. Soon.
But what is it about life that is puzzling me. Something that is making it all oh-so-not-quite-right. I'm tired of thinking about the things I need not worry about, but the thoughts won't stop. I'm so sad when I think about the past that there the nothingness I can do pains me even more. My anger for people and society infuriates me to a point where I will turns things up a notch, to a point of no return.
My dreams reveal my deepest desires and for that bit I am scared. Who ruined it for me? Who has tainted my thoughts? Thinking I was in control was the worst choice I have made. Because it is KNOWING that you are in control that matters. I didn't know. I just thought. Now this has all happened.
SOmeone told me that with freedom, comes resposibility. Which is true. But that doesn't mean that everyone shouldn't be responsible in general. It counts when you must taken 'responsibility' for your own actions. For what you say to people, for how you treat others. Responbility comes to play when you know how to deal with the situations that life throw at you.
It means growing up.
Whatever you hold dear and close to your heart you will figure out a way to make things work. What wasn't meant to be will drift and take another course of its own. I know that everything I love most is within arms reach of me now. I know even through the hard times, I held onto it without the imprints of my fingers left behind. And that's why the things I love most are within arms reach.
Shoulders are absent right now. I'll go find my pillow and rest my head.
I will when I cbf. Soon.
But what is it about life that is puzzling me. Something that is making it all oh-so-not-quite-right. I'm tired of thinking about the things I need not worry about, but the thoughts won't stop. I'm so sad when I think about the past that there the nothingness I can do pains me even more. My anger for people and society infuriates me to a point where I will turns things up a notch, to a point of no return.
My dreams reveal my deepest desires and for that bit I am scared. Who ruined it for me? Who has tainted my thoughts? Thinking I was in control was the worst choice I have made. Because it is KNOWING that you are in control that matters. I didn't know. I just thought. Now this has all happened.
SOmeone told me that with freedom, comes resposibility. Which is true. But that doesn't mean that everyone shouldn't be responsible in general. It counts when you must taken 'responsibility' for your own actions. For what you say to people, for how you treat others. Responbility comes to play when you know how to deal with the situations that life throw at you.
It means growing up.
Whatever you hold dear and close to your heart you will figure out a way to make things work. What wasn't meant to be will drift and take another course of its own. I know that everything I love most is within arms reach of me now. I know even through the hard times, I held onto it without the imprints of my fingers left behind. And that's why the things I love most are within arms reach.
Shoulders are absent right now. I'll go find my pillow and rest my head.
-{ missing you 8/31/2007 02:27:00 am }-
Monday, August 27, 2007
- how you's make my night's worthwhile -
Maybe it's the quiet periods that make you think more. I was thinking like: someone told me once that my blog was too cryptic. I'm beginning to think so too. WHy? Because I went back and read some posts and I have no clue what the fuck I was on about. There will be soe events that I left out wondering why I did so. But I don't know. Because I honestly, don't remember. Now I must deal with the consequences of crypting my work.
This may seem like a strange, emo weird thought of mine, but when I was twelve, I couldn't imagine ME being twenty. Twenty is like, the start of this new decade of life. One that, requires a lot of responsibility. No more saying you were young and stupid. Maybe you can still be young, but stupid is no longer a legitimate excuse. I hate growing up and wanting more freedom. I liked it when mum would take care of everything for me. She made sure I always ate my fruit, she made sure I always had the right equipment for school, she made sure I always had a different breakfast each day and would wake up early to make it while letting me sleep in just a little bit longer before school. But now, I'm older. I don't want any of that any more. I wish I did. I wish I was younger. But I can't. I won't.
My heart aches when I cause my mum so much stress and misery. But I still do it. Because at the time I don't care. I need to press this foward so she understands as well as I do that I am growing up. I don't need someone to make sure I'll be home on time. Why? Because I will be home. But I don't want to keep hurting her. It makes me hate myself so much.
Work people shit me. I'm so tempted to say 'I hate them', but I know that I shouldn't and it's wrong. But I do, and they shit me.
WHy can't everything just be normal? The only thing that almost is, is uni. And my friends. After all the shittiness, I need to be with friends so make up for it. I think I only go out just so I can be with my friends. Because they make everything better.
*sobs* i need my fwenz
This may seem like a strange, emo weird thought of mine, but when I was twelve, I couldn't imagine ME being twenty. Twenty is like, the start of this new decade of life. One that, requires a lot of responsibility. No more saying you were young and stupid. Maybe you can still be young, but stupid is no longer a legitimate excuse. I hate growing up and wanting more freedom. I liked it when mum would take care of everything for me. She made sure I always ate my fruit, she made sure I always had the right equipment for school, she made sure I always had a different breakfast each day and would wake up early to make it while letting me sleep in just a little bit longer before school. But now, I'm older. I don't want any of that any more. I wish I did. I wish I was younger. But I can't. I won't.
My heart aches when I cause my mum so much stress and misery. But I still do it. Because at the time I don't care. I need to press this foward so she understands as well as I do that I am growing up. I don't need someone to make sure I'll be home on time. Why? Because I will be home. But I don't want to keep hurting her. It makes me hate myself so much.
Work people shit me. I'm so tempted to say 'I hate them', but I know that I shouldn't and it's wrong. But I do, and they shit me.
WHy can't everything just be normal? The only thing that almost is, is uni. And my friends. After all the shittiness, I need to be with friends so make up for it. I think I only go out just so I can be with my friends. Because they make everything better.
*sobs* i need my fwenz
-{ missing you 8/27/2007 12:18:00 am }-
Sunday, August 26, 2007
- signs of study ... or maybe procrastination -
My icky readings. Yeah. I'm doing some reading alright. Gah, I wish. mofo readings!! 
This is also another sign of study. The Freud lecture given last semester by Miss Sim. SHe used quite unsuitable, yet effective examples during her explanation on neurosis, which had to be ps'd. Freud is cool. Sometimes. SO is study. Study is cool. It is. Someone keep telling me that so I will get something done. Someone tell me there's a reward after this, so I can motivate myself.
~Listening to: Leehom - Our Song (one of the many songs written to 'her' . . *bitch* >.<)
-{ missing you 8/26/2007 01:56:00 pm }-
Saturday, August 25, 2007
- Oh why oh why -
Have you ever seen that before? Sun rays coming from clouds? It's pretty awesome. Taken on my phone ages ago....
This is me NOW. Bored like fuck. Saturday night. At home. Not even doing anything productive. Just taking pictures of my sad self..
Poser pics taken couple days back. Boredom gets to ya.
This one I tried to do that thing my cousin and her friends always do. They seemed to have perfected camwhoring. They make it look teen-bopper. This is a twenty year old you're looking at :S (thank god I don't look 20)
And this is last week at metros. It was his (points above) birthday. Caznme lookin' hHawtt. And nels. teehee. oh fine he doesn't look too bad since its his b'dayOk, back to moping again.
-{ missing you 8/25/2007 10:09:00 pm }-
Thursday, August 23, 2007
- 20th @ HS b'day ktv awesomeness -
beginning of the night: rongchyi n me
me receiving 'the coolest present ever'
me READING the 'coolest present ever'
mish alistair ed daniel. poor girl..
good n sober
sarah n noL
me n noL . look at the head on that corona!
caz me noL mish : teeny boppers say, 'estooH.estOoH!!'
caz n me : the hot chick with the high heels LOL
mish n noL a.k.a cam whores
niss n me
me n edmond. too cool for everybody's socks y'all
the righthandside of the room
and the lefthandside of the room
silly peeps
me yeeyang n fel : those two, are the ultimate cam whores
me n yeeyang: biatchez [fullstop]
the school girl thing? SIF calculus . .
alan mish n caz: damn u tie pplz!
ed n alistair getting on the couches! and jo and alison not appreciating that..
this is me getting a fkn big tequila shot. went down. slow.quick.bad
boy! look at her suck that bottle. alternatively, you can replace 'bottle' with...
me n long
my cake! thankz to ed alistair and daniel, right?LOL thanks everyone
sillyness, with jack in the picture
caz got cake dumped onto her hand. boy, look at her lick that cake. alternatively, you can replace 'cake' with ..
yo! 'ktv + hf + a' 4 life!
ultimate ktv crew
mshs crew
noL n caz
and finally! the pic i don't remember taking. with liru (?) i think it was the last pic taken....all pics are un-ps'd. natural to the core. enjoy, cos i did NOT enjoy posting them, but they rock. LOL
-{ missing you 8/23/2007 10:02:00 pm }-
Sunday, August 19, 2007
- poke poke! -
When are those photo's going up hey? Never!!! Or alternatively you can view them on Facebook in Caroline's album under 'Lisa's 20th'. Most of them are there. Otherwise, when the day comes that I decide to be bothered to upload them, you can wait 'til then.
Last night finished work at 10.45! woot! Awesome, and to add to the awesomeness, CaznMish were out as well. Highlight if the night was the free lollipops. SHoooosh!! I'm not too proud about it anymore. So shOOOOsh. I mean it guys. Yes, they were free. Low light was the headbutt I received from alan. No, not the supoerpoke on Facebook, but a realistic physical headbutt that pyscho drunken maniac gave me and caught me way off guard. It was enough to give me a good enough reason to not drink. That and I was driving. :))) Hope you enjoyed that black sambucca you TOOL!!
Approaching mid-semester, YAY! ok need to get back to nerding it. Another week of uni. too bad it's raining all week, means no james oval. :(
Last night finished work at 10.45! woot! Awesome, and to add to the awesomeness, CaznMish were out as well. Highlight if the night was the free lollipops. SHoooosh!! I'm not too proud about it anymore. So shOOOOsh. I mean it guys. Yes, they were free. Low light was the headbutt I received from alan. No, not the supoerpoke on Facebook, but a realistic physical headbutt that pyscho drunken maniac gave me and caught me way off guard. It was enough to give me a good enough reason to not drink. That and I was driving. :))) Hope you enjoyed that black sambucca you TOOL!!
Approaching mid-semester, YAY! ok need to get back to nerding it. Another week of uni. too bad it's raining all week, means no james oval. :(
-{ missing you 8/19/2007 06:46:00 pm }-
Saturday, August 18, 2007
- cb -
cb world. cb life. cb problems. dun need this cb shit now. not now.
-{ missing you 8/18/2007 01:25:00 am }-
Friday, August 17, 2007
- when you hear it again -
I'm twenty now. This post is for you. Because somehow I am reminded of you.
You've forgotten me now. But I have not. I keep you buried in my memories. Because why should I forget the good times that we had? I don't want to destroy them. I don't want to forget how we had times at the park, strolls at the beach, standing in the wind, you by my side. But never were you mine. And somehow I place mine in yours. How does that work?
How does it work that I saw what I liked when I looked at your face? You didn't really do much. You didn't really care. But you were there. There with me. Does that make a difference?
You didn't bother with people. You couldn't care less. As long as my hand was in yours. All the time. Is that supposed to be a problem? Why didn't you try harder? As things went downhill, I kept my spirits high and expectations low. It couldn't possibly be. No way, in this amount of time could it happen. Did it? I don't know. Something was there. I felt it, then and then, and then.
Omg! How nice is sunset! How nice was the wind. And the waves. And the glowing night....where did we go? How come we didn't stay.. how come YOU didn't stay? Nah, that wasn't even debatable. How come I didn't go? Nah, that was just plain stupidity. And can you believe the last night was shit as?
That's when I go back to the first night when I first saw your face. When I decided to smile. When I decided to say yes, and when I decided it was going to be fun. It was wasn't it? Fun? I thought so too. I'm the biggest drama queen ever to let it go to my head.
To my head, where it all is. Where the memories still exist. I'm glad the wounds have healed.
You've forgotten me now. But I have not. I keep you buried in my memories. Because why should I forget the good times that we had? I don't want to destroy them. I don't want to forget how we had times at the park, strolls at the beach, standing in the wind, you by my side. But never were you mine. And somehow I place mine in yours. How does that work?
How does it work that I saw what I liked when I looked at your face? You didn't really do much. You didn't really care. But you were there. There with me. Does that make a difference?
You didn't bother with people. You couldn't care less. As long as my hand was in yours. All the time. Is that supposed to be a problem? Why didn't you try harder? As things went downhill, I kept my spirits high and expectations low. It couldn't possibly be. No way, in this amount of time could it happen. Did it? I don't know. Something was there. I felt it, then and then, and then.
Omg! How nice is sunset! How nice was the wind. And the waves. And the glowing night....where did we go? How come we didn't stay.. how come YOU didn't stay? Nah, that wasn't even debatable. How come I didn't go? Nah, that was just plain stupidity. And can you believe the last night was shit as?
That's when I go back to the first night when I first saw your face. When I decided to smile. When I decided to say yes, and when I decided it was going to be fun. It was wasn't it? Fun? I thought so too. I'm the biggest drama queen ever to let it go to my head.
To my head, where it all is. Where the memories still exist. I'm glad the wounds have healed.
-{ missing you 8/17/2007 01:22:00 am }-
Monday, August 13, 2007
- life is full of immature boys -
House keeping! Song has been updated. Yes, you think it's Backstreet Boys 'How did I fall in Love with you?' but it's actually the chinese version sung by S.H.E 'Yuan Fang'. Reasonably good, but only because I couldn't find the Bsb one.
Secondly, I've added Edmond to the side bar. His blog site has few updates but the one's he does have are amazingly well written, especially his most recent post. Go check it peepz!
******
Well. I had to write this before I lose the mind set. It's already slipping.
I'm thinkin' seesaw. I'm thinking the 'nice bad-guy' versus the 'bad nice-guy'. It's such an interesting topic depending on how you define what 'nice' and 'bad' is.
Initially when I had this discussion, we meant these terms superficially. That is, guys who use such images to charm and impress a girl, and could potentially be a good/bad guy. All in good fun and games, with no such connotations of really getting involved with such guys.
But I think I've had another way of thought about these terms. Why? Because there's this nice bad-guy and bad nice-guy that I am acquainted to. So what we have is Mr. Bad Nice-guy. The general idea was that he was a bad guy. Bad bad guy in every way possible. Hence this constant trying to stay within many arms reach of him. He wasn't bad to me per se, but I just wouldn't go out of my way to invite him to get-togethers, coffees, and other stuff that we'd do (like ktv). And it's not like I can't get along with him though. We get along fine. We can carry interesting conversations and he knows how to be funny. Keeping in mind that I still thought of him as bad.
Meanwhile, on the other end of the see-saw, we have Mr. Nice Bad-guy. He's nice friendly, down-to-earth. Doesn't drink, smoke, club and has a decent physical, spiritual and emotional background. All systems go for initiation of becoming Lisa's friend. *grins* Yeah. Nice right?
Now we begin our conflict. Mr. B has carried this reputation with him, as with Mr. N. They both have reps. What has happened is that Mr. Bad has started to prove himself worthy. That is, in my eyes, I have been misconceived(?). Not only does he talk the talk, he walks the walk. He's becoming nice. But I must discriminate, because of his past reputation, he does not redeem himself so easily. I will not be so naive. But I will give him many kudo's. And like that, he is this 'bad nice-guy' character. Because deep deep (deep) down, he probably is amazingly nice with no intention to harm.
I mean, I'm not saying that nice bad-guys intend to harm. But this nice bad-guy is only bad in my opinion because I didn't like the way I was treated, especially when I was out to befriend this person. I was all for having a buddy ol' pal. But I get these weird 'idon'tevenknowhowtodescribethem' (vibes?), weird somethings. Something you don't give a friend. Maybe he's allowed to do it because we aren't quite buddy-buddy yet. But it's insulting. To me. And it goes against social etiquette. I don't know. So maybe he isn't the bad bad-guy. But he's not really the nice person I made him out to be. Disappointed? Yes, but I'm not at loss. If the Bad nice-guy had the chance to redeem himself, so does the nice bad-guy. He can try to change into the ultimate nice nice-guy! Well, that's like way extreme. It's ok whatever he did to me. I'm just going to put it all behind me.
Don't we just all love the bad nice-guy now? He (almost) redeemed himself!
******
So I know I should upload them pictures. They're like, clicks away. But I'll leave it for another post. I'm so blogged out. Had to write 'intellectual comments' on one of my tutes blog post.. gah. I have to write one of them soon. Intellectual. Ha!
Secondly, I've added Edmond to the side bar. His blog site has few updates but the one's he does have are amazingly well written, especially his most recent post. Go check it peepz!
******
Well. I had to write this before I lose the mind set. It's already slipping.
I'm thinkin' seesaw. I'm thinking the 'nice bad-guy' versus the 'bad nice-guy'. It's such an interesting topic depending on how you define what 'nice' and 'bad' is.
Initially when I had this discussion, we meant these terms superficially. That is, guys who use such images to charm and impress a girl, and could potentially be a good/bad guy. All in good fun and games, with no such connotations of really getting involved with such guys.
But I think I've had another way of thought about these terms. Why? Because there's this nice bad-guy and bad nice-guy that I am acquainted to. So what we have is Mr. Bad Nice-guy. The general idea was that he was a bad guy. Bad bad guy in every way possible. Hence this constant trying to stay within many arms reach of him. He wasn't bad to me per se, but I just wouldn't go out of my way to invite him to get-togethers, coffees, and other stuff that we'd do (like ktv). And it's not like I can't get along with him though. We get along fine. We can carry interesting conversations and he knows how to be funny. Keeping in mind that I still thought of him as bad.
Meanwhile, on the other end of the see-saw, we have Mr. Nice Bad-guy. He's nice friendly, down-to-earth. Doesn't drink, smoke, club and has a decent physical, spiritual and emotional background. All systems go for initiation of becoming Lisa's friend. *grins* Yeah. Nice right?
Now we begin our conflict. Mr. B has carried this reputation with him, as with Mr. N. They both have reps. What has happened is that Mr. Bad has started to prove himself worthy. That is, in my eyes, I have been misconceived(?). Not only does he talk the talk, he walks the walk. He's becoming nice. But I must discriminate, because of his past reputation, he does not redeem himself so easily. I will not be so naive. But I will give him many kudo's. And like that, he is this 'bad nice-guy' character. Because deep deep (deep) down, he probably is amazingly nice with no intention to harm.
I mean, I'm not saying that nice bad-guys intend to harm. But this nice bad-guy is only bad in my opinion because I didn't like the way I was treated, especially when I was out to befriend this person. I was all for having a buddy ol' pal. But I get these weird 'idon'tevenknowhowtodescribethem' (vibes?), weird somethings. Something you don't give a friend. Maybe he's allowed to do it because we aren't quite buddy-buddy yet. But it's insulting. To me. And it goes against social etiquette. I don't know. So maybe he isn't the bad bad-guy. But he's not really the nice person I made him out to be. Disappointed? Yes, but I'm not at loss. If the Bad nice-guy had the chance to redeem himself, so does the nice bad-guy. He can try to change into the ultimate nice nice-guy! Well, that's like way extreme. It's ok whatever he did to me. I'm just going to put it all behind me.
Don't we just all love the bad nice-guy now? He (almost) redeemed himself!
******
So I know I should upload them pictures. They're like, clicks away. But I'll leave it for another post. I'm so blogged out. Had to write 'intellectual comments' on one of my tutes blog post.. gah. I have to write one of them soon. Intellectual. Ha!
-{ missing you 8/13/2007 07:28:00 pm }-
Sunday, August 12, 2007
- taking care of lisa 101 -
Interesting information I found out:
to make Lisa all better, you must talk to her in Hokkien. Yes. I do remember the 'Mai hao'.
0_O
On a lighter note, work is sometimes ok. I mean. Everyone always HATES going to work. But when you're actually there, it's not too bad is it? Especially like last night. Because the nice people were working last night. And Yas the contracted-staff guy that I worked with last time was there and he was heaps nice. And funny and weird. If you can recall, he was the one screaming 'You wanna get dirty?!' at me last time. I was more happy that this guy Karl worked yesternight because I haven't seen him for yonks. He's the one that was really nice to me when I just first started working. He was heaps nice even when he found out bad stuff about me. He even gave me a heads up about things. AND he looks out for me. SOO DAMN NICE. He's uber CooL. By far my most favourite person to work with.
Sometimes he sets me back to my young days (omg. I am not old. I am not old), back in the primary and high school days, where there would be random classmates that looked out for me. They were classmates, yet they weren't quite friends. But they were. We had never defined it. I wonder if I'd still remember them when I pass them on the streets.
Woah, too much reminiscing there. I know I have to change that thing in my side bar. But I'll let twentyhood sink in first. It's not quite 'there' yet. Haha, twentyhood, as Jack put it (SIF! you're 21....). I'm in the post birthday denial-of-age stage, I know.
Man, I need to upload those pictures!! I look god awfully white. I need new foundation. Or none at all. Honestly, I don't really need it? OH! AND YOU GUYS GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE SHOES!!!!!! I might not even wear them. too much S2.
p.s. i'm so embarrassed for the peepz who had to carry me! omg Cos I fkn gained weight! I was heavy - ER!!! GAH! *cries* so much fat. *sorry lah*
p.p.s woot! 8k mark. and i jus looked out the window and it's such a lovely day today.
to make Lisa all better, you must talk to her in Hokkien. Yes. I do remember the 'Mai hao'.
0_O
On a lighter note, work is sometimes ok. I mean. Everyone always HATES going to work. But when you're actually there, it's not too bad is it? Especially like last night. Because the nice people were working last night. And Yas the contracted-staff guy that I worked with last time was there and he was heaps nice. And funny and weird. If you can recall, he was the one screaming 'You wanna get dirty?!' at me last time. I was more happy that this guy Karl worked yesternight because I haven't seen him for yonks. He's the one that was really nice to me when I just first started working. He was heaps nice even when he found out bad stuff about me. He even gave me a heads up about things. AND he looks out for me. SOO DAMN NICE. He's uber CooL. By far my most favourite person to work with.
Sometimes he sets me back to my young days (omg. I am not old. I am not old), back in the primary and high school days, where there would be random classmates that looked out for me. They were classmates, yet they weren't quite friends. But they were. We had never defined it. I wonder if I'd still remember them when I pass them on the streets.
Woah, too much reminiscing there. I know I have to change that thing in my side bar. But I'll let twentyhood sink in first. It's not quite 'there' yet. Haha, twentyhood, as Jack put it (SIF! you're 21....). I'm in the post birthday denial-of-age stage, I know.
Man, I need to upload those pictures!! I look god awfully white. I need new foundation. Or none at all. Honestly, I don't really need it? OH! AND YOU GUYS GOT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THESE SHOES!!!!!! I might not even wear them. too much S2.
p.s. i'm so embarrassed for the peepz who had to carry me! omg Cos I fkn gained weight! I was heavy - ER!!! GAH! *cries* so much fat. *sorry lah*
p.p.s woot! 8k mark. and i jus looked out the window and it's such a lovely day today.
-{ missing you 8/12/2007 02:21:00 pm }-
Friday, August 10, 2007
- the wonderful friends that i am so lucky to have -
Figured out why my butt hurts.
Justed wanted to give some shoutoutz:
Angeline , Kifa and co. omg! Thanks for the card! It came today LOL. It's so awesome!! Makin' me miss you guys more and I'm gonna see what strings I can pull to see you guys soon!
The peepz who took my yak, who took shit, my tears, my babble. So much admiration
Thanks A lot for the person who I thought was my friend and made me lose so much respect for you because you don't accept me as who I really am, because I don't accustom to the way you are. I want to thank you 'cos you made me love my friends more.
To the guys who took me home and made sure my stuff is safe. *love love*
To the guy who took care of the bill WHICH I have to pay back.
AND last but not least to EVERYONE who came and made it a great night for everyone else. Thanks for dressing up also!! And I was thinking, I needed a tie! Everyone had ties!! *cries*
Pictures soon. If they're appropriate.
Justed wanted to give some shoutoutz:
Angeline , Kifa and co. omg! Thanks for the card! It came today LOL. It's so awesome!! Makin' me miss you guys more and I'm gonna see what strings I can pull to see you guys soon!
The peepz who took my yak, who took shit, my tears, my babble. So much admiration
Thanks A lot for the person who I thought was my friend and made me lose so much respect for you because you don't accept me as who I really am, because I don't accustom to the way you are. I want to thank you 'cos you made me love my friends more.
To the guys who took me home and made sure my stuff is safe. *love love*
To the guy who took care of the bill WHICH I have to pay back.
AND last but not least to EVERYONE who came and made it a great night for everyone else. Thanks for dressing up also!! And I was thinking, I needed a tie! Everyone had ties!! *cries*
Pictures soon. If they're appropriate.
-{ missing you 8/10/2007 08:34:00 pm }-
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
- rant at uni -
MAn, all this talk about Facebook! As we speak, the girl next to me in the computer lab is facebooking. Even Cosmo is writing a huge article on Facebook. Conversations I am having with people are about Facebook. Bloody. can't take it.
There's no one at uni on a Wednesday arvo. So. bored. I refuse to get some reading or ilectures done. Not in the mood. And then I'll be out to dinner tonight. Not to mention tomorrow night...
The night is approaching and I'm not to stressed today. Yesterday was a day of stress. Today.. is like meh. I have to go find my drinks and my cake today. Not that there's much of the day left.
I came from tute not long ago, and I'm suspecting the guy I sit with doesn't remember my name. He left say by... and it sounded like he called me something else. Bah. Someone set him straight 'cos I don't want to do it. And there's this other guy in tute, he was arguing a point, very passionately mind you, and the tutor ended up calling him Lee Hsien Long, cos he frickin' quoted the guy's speech from last year's election! Like, talk about interest. Why couldn't I follow news like that? Then I would know stuff and have something to say in my tutes. I wish I knew stuff like that.
Man, I've been here for 20 odd minutes and the girl is still fcBk'ing. Talk about hardcore.
I wish I had stuff to do now, rather than blogging aimlessly. It's no fun like this. And I'm finding the mac keyboard a tool to handle. godamnit.
People. How many times have I mentioned that people shit me. God. Why can't we all just smile and get along? None of this 'pretend not to see you' or 'should I say hi? or not? Oh I just missed the queue to say hi...' bullshit. Godamnit. People!
*end rant* lisa has gone to buy some alcohol because she's such the alcoholic like everyone thinks she is.
There's no one at uni on a Wednesday arvo. So. bored. I refuse to get some reading or ilectures done. Not in the mood. And then I'll be out to dinner tonight. Not to mention tomorrow night...
The night is approaching and I'm not to stressed today. Yesterday was a day of stress. Today.. is like meh. I have to go find my drinks and my cake today. Not that there's much of the day left.
I came from tute not long ago, and I'm suspecting the guy I sit with doesn't remember my name. He left say by... and it sounded like he called me something else. Bah. Someone set him straight 'cos I don't want to do it. And there's this other guy in tute, he was arguing a point, very passionately mind you, and the tutor ended up calling him Lee Hsien Long, cos he frickin' quoted the guy's speech from last year's election! Like, talk about interest. Why couldn't I follow news like that? Then I would know stuff and have something to say in my tutes. I wish I knew stuff like that.
Man, I've been here for 20 odd minutes and the girl is still fcBk'ing. Talk about hardcore.
I wish I had stuff to do now, rather than blogging aimlessly. It's no fun like this. And I'm finding the mac keyboard a tool to handle. godamnit.
People. How many times have I mentioned that people shit me. God. Why can't we all just smile and get along? None of this 'pretend not to see you' or 'should I say hi? or not? Oh I just missed the queue to say hi...' bullshit. Godamnit. People!
*end rant* lisa has gone to buy some alcohol because she's such the alcoholic like everyone thinks she is.
-{ missing you 8/08/2007 03:21:00 pm }-
Sunday, August 05, 2007
- whatever suits your fancy -
I think I blogged too much last week that I'm having blogging withdrawal symptoms. Happens to me a lot doesn't it?
Well anyways, something sparked this thought in me the other night. I'm pretty sure everyone's been in the position of being the centre of gossip, as in, been the subject of the gossip right? And here onwards, I might have to reestablish the word gossip. I used it wrongly. I think I did it purposely though. Gossip, is nasty and vicious.. kind of. But what's that other thing when you talk ABOUT someone to others? Factual information discussion? I'm not sure as to where I'm going with this....
You can't stop people talking about you. You are responsible for your actions and should know the consequences of the post-situation. I don't think you could really excuse yourself from it, rather take it as a momentary thrill and the long term guilt or regret. OR whatever. I don't know.
I can't get my head around the fact that things that go around aren't in fact gossip. And boy, things go around faster than you can say 'bok choy'. They are facts. They are truths. Who knows the truths none other than your friends? Does that mean to say your friends are spreading factual information about you to others? WHat's wrong with that? It's factual. One's life always brings out the voyeur in another.
I don't know if I'm disturbed by my life being a discussion topic, or that my friends are doing the discussing. I don't know how to feel. I'm not feeling anythig as such. I hope I don't feel anything afterwards. Because I don't want to blow up in anyone's face or on this blog for that matter. I am not accusing, I am not blaming. Don't be angry because I am not.
My horoscope says, Think of the full moon as a spotlight. Around your birthday it illuminates the part of your chart that you prefer to keep hidden. It obliges you to look at yourself as others see you - what is expected of you, what kind of a reputation you have, what friends and loved ones truly feel about you. It's not bad news. You are much loved, admired and appreciated. But there are some truths that need to be acknowledged and some changes that ought to be made. Don't fear these, embrace them.
I always said truth was the best policy. But who the fuck tells truths these days? It's all about lies. We went car hunting today, and my brother mentioned that the owner of the car we were looking at, looked like a decent guy and he wouldn't tell any lies and shit. But. He's trying to sell his car. White lies at the least, need to be told, unless you have a 100% perfect car. MEH.
Who am I kidding? I'm always telling lies. If not. Withholding the truth. I wouldn't believe you in a second if you told me you never tell lies. You're not perfect.
What is expected of me? What reputation do I have? And with that thought, how can anyone admire me or appreciate me? What is it that is me or not me that turns away my friends or makes people raise their eyebrows?
The other night, when I saw my friend drunk off her face and trying to get with a guy that I knew was going out with my friends friend, I almost vomited. It was disgusting. Disgusting to the pit of my stomach that she was the way she was.
Some things aren't for me to comment on. Because people have their reasons to do what they do.
I smell like burnt wood. Maybe because I was standing in front of a fire half the night because it was fucking cold.
Well anyways, something sparked this thought in me the other night. I'm pretty sure everyone's been in the position of being the centre of gossip, as in, been the subject of the gossip right? And here onwards, I might have to reestablish the word gossip. I used it wrongly. I think I did it purposely though. Gossip, is nasty and vicious.. kind of. But what's that other thing when you talk ABOUT someone to others? Factual information discussion? I'm not sure as to where I'm going with this....
You can't stop people talking about you. You are responsible for your actions and should know the consequences of the post-situation. I don't think you could really excuse yourself from it, rather take it as a momentary thrill and the long term guilt or regret. OR whatever. I don't know.
I can't get my head around the fact that things that go around aren't in fact gossip. And boy, things go around faster than you can say 'bok choy'. They are facts. They are truths. Who knows the truths none other than your friends? Does that mean to say your friends are spreading factual information about you to others? WHat's wrong with that? It's factual. One's life always brings out the voyeur in another.
I don't know if I'm disturbed by my life being a discussion topic, or that my friends are doing the discussing. I don't know how to feel. I'm not feeling anythig as such. I hope I don't feel anything afterwards. Because I don't want to blow up in anyone's face or on this blog for that matter. I am not accusing, I am not blaming. Don't be angry because I am not.
My horoscope says, Think of the full moon as a spotlight. Around your birthday it illuminates the part of your chart that you prefer to keep hidden. It obliges you to look at yourself as others see you - what is expected of you, what kind of a reputation you have, what friends and loved ones truly feel about you. It's not bad news. You are much loved, admired and appreciated. But there are some truths that need to be acknowledged and some changes that ought to be made. Don't fear these, embrace them.
I always said truth was the best policy. But who the fuck tells truths these days? It's all about lies. We went car hunting today, and my brother mentioned that the owner of the car we were looking at, looked like a decent guy and he wouldn't tell any lies and shit. But. He's trying to sell his car. White lies at the least, need to be told, unless you have a 100% perfect car. MEH.
Who am I kidding? I'm always telling lies. If not. Withholding the truth. I wouldn't believe you in a second if you told me you never tell lies. You're not perfect.
What is expected of me? What reputation do I have? And with that thought, how can anyone admire me or appreciate me? What is it that is me or not me that turns away my friends or makes people raise their eyebrows?
The other night, when I saw my friend drunk off her face and trying to get with a guy that I knew was going out with my friends friend, I almost vomited. It was disgusting. Disgusting to the pit of my stomach that she was the way she was.
Some things aren't for me to comment on. Because people have their reasons to do what they do.
I smell like burnt wood. Maybe because I was standing in front of a fire half the night because it was fucking cold.
-{ missing you 8/05/2007 03:28:00 pm }-
Friday, August 03, 2007
- Too good for you [s] -
~Listening to : SUm41 - Pieces
Most of the time, I have CHina on my mind. CHINA CHINA CHINA. ALcohol, K-boiz, CHINA and alcohol.
I'm hoping I get the bursary now so I can go AND look forward to not coming back to uni in 2008. And in saying that, there IS a small pang of resentment. But no, *study* SO OVER IT! A study abroad program will be good for me, rather than China-ing with Caz where all we will be doing every day is sleep-eat-shop-club. THE DAILY ROUTINE. I can just imagine it already. I mean, it's not bad, for a month straight of that, but thinking of all the drunken nights, k-boi hook ups ...
OK, I've kind of confused myself as to whether I am putting myself through heaven or hell. I'm going to stop 'cos as I'm writing this, i'm smiling this awkward evil sinister smile. Yeah! I'm smiling at the damn computer!
Right then, last night we all went to .. MSU Rendezvous. Wasn't bad, wasn't great. And I drank drove. Even though I said I wouldn't. That's the only thing I'm angry about. That and I didn't see as many people as I expected to see.
Never mind. All is good. Week 2 is finished and things have already picked up in pace. 11 weeks to go.
Most of the time, I have CHina on my mind. CHINA CHINA CHINA. ALcohol, K-boiz, CHINA and alcohol.
I'm hoping I get the bursary now so I can go AND look forward to not coming back to uni in 2008. And in saying that, there IS a small pang of resentment. But no, *study* SO OVER IT! A study abroad program will be good for me, rather than China-ing with Caz where all we will be doing every day is sleep-eat-shop-club. THE DAILY ROUTINE. I can just imagine it already. I mean, it's not bad, for a month straight of that, but thinking of all the drunken nights, k-boi hook ups ...
OK, I've kind of confused myself as to whether I am putting myself through heaven or hell. I'm going to stop 'cos as I'm writing this, i'm smiling this awkward evil sinister smile. Yeah! I'm smiling at the damn computer!
Right then, last night we all went to .. MSU Rendezvous. Wasn't bad, wasn't great. And I drank drove. Even though I said I wouldn't. That's the only thing I'm angry about. That and I didn't see as many people as I expected to see.
Never mind. All is good. Week 2 is finished and things have already picked up in pace. 11 weeks to go.
-{ missing you 8/03/2007 02:25:00 pm }-
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
- crapness -
WHy do I have nothing to blog about?
Oh wait. I just remembered my topic. But I'm in no mood. Today was a good day, all except the endless puddles that contricted my pathway and made my shoes and jean bottoms wet.
Crap I forgot what to write again.
Oh wait. I just remembered my topic. But I'm in no mood. Today was a good day, all except the endless puddles that contricted my pathway and made my shoes and jean bottoms wet.
Crap I forgot what to write again.
-{ missing you 8/01/2007 11:34:00 pm }-