Thursday, November 29, 2007
- the same shade of grey -
~ Fort Minor - Believe Me
I used to be a stupid little girl. Now I'm just a stupid big girl who thinks she's still a teenager. I waited so long for life to tell me who I was.. what my identity was. Until last year, I think I found the answer I was looking for.
I used to think the world was out to get me. Ever since I was little I thought this and I grew up with a pessimistic attitude. But I realised that I was playing the game wrong.
Having a pessistic attitude only meant I was giving up my roll of the dice to life. I wasn't playing at all.
So now I roll. I play. And I was winning. Well I thought I was winning. Games get boring. I forgot about the importance of winning and losing. It became a tedious cycle.
And now I've found something. And it's no longer a game to me. But why does it still look like a game? I don't want to play anymore, I don't want to think. I don't want to know what lays ahead or what laid behind. I want to live the present and not play the game. It's not a game anymore.
It's something better.
I used to be a stupid little girl. Now I'm just a stupid big girl who thinks she's still a teenager. I waited so long for life to tell me who I was.. what my identity was. Until last year, I think I found the answer I was looking for.
I used to think the world was out to get me. Ever since I was little I thought this and I grew up with a pessimistic attitude. But I realised that I was playing the game wrong.
Having a pessistic attitude only meant I was giving up my roll of the dice to life. I wasn't playing at all.
So now I roll. I play. And I was winning. Well I thought I was winning. Games get boring. I forgot about the importance of winning and losing. It became a tedious cycle.
And now I've found something. And it's no longer a game to me. But why does it still look like a game? I don't want to play anymore, I don't want to think. I don't want to know what lays ahead or what laid behind. I want to live the present and not play the game. It's not a game anymore.
It's something better.
-{ missing you 11/29/2007 02:37:00 pm }-
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
- catch up -
I've just uploaded some pictures way back from NoL's ktv night. 'Twas a longg time ago..
LMNC
The xiah thing that I supposedly "ruined"
Ms. camwhore.
ktv aja aja!
posers for life..
The crew.. in blue..for noL's rainy day =)
Her delicious cloud cake, kudo's to Fel beLL
Her cooL card, kudo's to Jayc
ktv aja aja!
posers for life..
The crew.. in blue..for noL's rainy day =)
Her delicious cloud cake, kudo's to Fel beLL
Her cooL card, kudo's to JaycThings happen, events occur and I don't quite blog about them. Exams are done, yes. And we've had about one weeks worth of holidays, oh which has been fun-filled and I don't know where the memories of it has all been stored. I'll try my best.
- Straight after exams (Thursday) some of us went KTV. For me, it was taking the blast of relief. Woot! Followed by Korean food and then a muck at the beach. I have video's that Michelle wouldn't be to happy about me showing. So it stays in my phone.
- Saturday.... we was supposed to go to the Library, but missed it cos we got caught up at Long's house, by the time we headed down, we just went straight home. By home I mean Metro's. Hahaha, ok... I am going to denounce it as my home soon. That was a good night. Dd again.
- The following Tuesday was Ed's food night where everyone cooked a dish to his house. We ktv'd beforehand. It was good. Cos it costed us 25c. No joke. Thanks to caznmish and lots of vouchers. The food that night was good. And the games was good too.
- Thursday, we went to Spice lounge to wait for Mishie to finish work, then to go Alure, but they were closing up, so we went Minq. 'Tis awesome place. I gots myself a chocolate cocktail there. Nice, but not better than a Tobelerone cocktail.
- Saturday, oh Saturday! Dear Michelle's birthday! I spent the whole day South! First to Mishie's to give her 'eternity' ring, then to lunch, then to iceskating, then a spot of shopping at garbo, then dinner at ed's followed by everyone arriving for predrinks! 'Twas the ULTIMATE predrinks. Three of us didn't make it out of the house to Metros when everyone left. Anthony stayed to 'take care of us'. I suspect he had other motives.
- Sunday MORNING had a SHIT time at work. Never ever ever drinking before going to work. EVER.
-Noelle left Tuesday early morn'. =( SHe's having the time of her life.
- YESTERDAY, me and Ed went to dinner at Matsuri. I shouldn't have eaten that watermelon before I left, cos I couldn't finish my dinner. And then a few tid bits around Nb, then quickly to Rudy's birthday drinks to wish him happy birthday. Ended with us, caznmish at the new pancakes place for free waffles. The waffles weren't fantastic. But the night was =)
There. I've updated my life through my blog. Happy reading!
p.s , on the side there are two new additions, fel bell's awesome blog is a must read. Priscilla doesn't update enough, lol. still love ya priscilla babe ;)
-{ missing you 11/28/2007 07:44:00 pm }-
Friday, November 23, 2007
- falling . . . . in like -
*yawns* I should sleep. but I had such a good night .. minq is kewl, 'ay guys?
-{ missing you 11/23/2007 12:59:00 am }-
Monday, November 19, 2007
- eve, the apple of my eye -
SOmetimes you go through some really easy fun days. Sometimes it's really interesting nights and it provides you with a confirmation that your friends are always there for you when you need them.
But sometimes it's not the case. People have their lives to run, their problems and issues to deal with.
When I found out a friend that I considered close to being my best friend .. hasn't been telling me anything that happens in their life while I'm spilling my stories every chance I get, really makes me wonder what kind of friend I am, and for what kind of friend am I being considered as.
I'm no 'chao ren' and I can't help with everything. But when I am oblivious to the most important details in your life, I feel like a fool telling everyone you're a really good friend of mine. Sure I never minded that you didn't know when my birthday was. Sure I didn't mind you didn't like some of my friends or made the effort to like them. But I am lacking so much from you.
We worked everything out. EVERYTHING. But whatever. It hasn’t worked out the way it's supposed to be.
But I can't do anything about it. And that's what makes me scared. You are no longer my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and the person that is there for me, no matter what. You have rejected me and humiliated me.
It's devastating that only I will know of this. And that I will have to continue to pretend like everything is ok.
haizZ. What to do. The people you want in your life aren't there. I'll get through it by myself. I'll get through January by myself. I can't keep relying on others to get me through.
That letter J is so bitter sweet.
~Listening to: JJ Lin - Baby Baby
But sometimes it's not the case. People have their lives to run, their problems and issues to deal with.
When I found out a friend that I considered close to being my best friend .. hasn't been telling me anything that happens in their life while I'm spilling my stories every chance I get, really makes me wonder what kind of friend I am, and for what kind of friend am I being considered as.
I'm no 'chao ren' and I can't help with everything. But when I am oblivious to the most important details in your life, I feel like a fool telling everyone you're a really good friend of mine. Sure I never minded that you didn't know when my birthday was. Sure I didn't mind you didn't like some of my friends or made the effort to like them. But I am lacking so much from you.
We worked everything out. EVERYTHING. But whatever. It hasn’t worked out the way it's supposed to be.
But I can't do anything about it. And that's what makes me scared. You are no longer my rock, my shoulder to cry on, and the person that is there for me, no matter what. You have rejected me and humiliated me.
It's devastating that only I will know of this. And that I will have to continue to pretend like everything is ok.
haizZ. What to do. The people you want in your life aren't there. I'll get through it by myself. I'll get through January by myself. I can't keep relying on others to get me through.
That letter J is so bitter sweet.
~Listening to: JJ Lin - Baby Baby
-{ missing you 11/19/2007 12:17:00 am }-
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
- on the run home -
I just realised two things:
1. I've exceeded 300 posts in the past year or so of blogging ^_^
2. I've also exceeded 10 000 hits. ^_^
Do I blog like I've finished exams or what? I still have one on the Thursday. How has everyone been by the way? I've lost touch over this week and a bit.
After last night and this morning, it got me thinking (as usual) ...
how good are dreams? I've settled in the position where I love dreams and dreaming. There's nothing better than pretending to live something that's reality. I know many people who disagree with my point, heck even I used to believe that the reality was better than the dream. Especially when the dream comes true. But most of the time, reality hurts but I guess it's what keeps us on our toes and battling on in this life.
But that's why I love dreams. It's non-existent and it gives you a nice feeling.. and it lets you sleep in -_-" But what happens when that dream is a nightmare? Furthermore, have you EVER had a nightmare after a real nightmare has happened?? Let me elaborate..
Yesterday, I started work at 4pm. Big whopper of a function and we had to reset 71 tables for a lunch session for the next day, which meant we finished at the craziest time I've ever finished.
5AM!!! Fucking 5 fucking AM. You have to excuse me from the profanity but it was damn stupid. We were all so tired, we were sitting on the floor polishing glasses and cutlery and cursing our heads off. On the drive home, I even saw the dawn break over the sky, which provided a wistful feeling to get to my bed and sleep long and hard. But I think I woke up at 8.30ish to the memory that I had dreamt I was still at work crazily doing god knows what and 'vomiting blood'. It was the feeling we were all getting throughout the night. Didn't get to sleep til 9am and slept my way through 'til 2pm.
Anyway, that was my work rant. I spent the rest of the day talking to mum and then watched some Full House. I'l study tonight =P
I need to beach. Everyone is talking about the beach.. I'm craving beach. ANd ktv. And Alcohol. Can we ktv Thursday, alcohol Saturday and beach Sunday?
pUHHH leaaaaseeee?
1. I've exceeded 300 posts in the past year or so of blogging ^_^
2. I've also exceeded 10 000 hits. ^_^
Do I blog like I've finished exams or what? I still have one on the Thursday. How has everyone been by the way? I've lost touch over this week and a bit.
After last night and this morning, it got me thinking (as usual) ...
how good are dreams? I've settled in the position where I love dreams and dreaming. There's nothing better than pretending to live something that's reality. I know many people who disagree with my point, heck even I used to believe that the reality was better than the dream. Especially when the dream comes true. But most of the time, reality hurts but I guess it's what keeps us on our toes and battling on in this life.
But that's why I love dreams. It's non-existent and it gives you a nice feeling.. and it lets you sleep in -_-" But what happens when that dream is a nightmare? Furthermore, have you EVER had a nightmare after a real nightmare has happened?? Let me elaborate..
Yesterday, I started work at 4pm. Big whopper of a function and we had to reset 71 tables for a lunch session for the next day, which meant we finished at the craziest time I've ever finished.
5AM!!! Fucking 5 fucking AM. You have to excuse me from the profanity but it was damn stupid. We were all so tired, we were sitting on the floor polishing glasses and cutlery and cursing our heads off. On the drive home, I even saw the dawn break over the sky, which provided a wistful feeling to get to my bed and sleep long and hard. But I think I woke up at 8.30ish to the memory that I had dreamt I was still at work crazily doing god knows what and 'vomiting blood'. It was the feeling we were all getting throughout the night. Didn't get to sleep til 9am and slept my way through 'til 2pm.
Anyway, that was my work rant. I spent the rest of the day talking to mum and then watched some Full House. I'l study tonight =P
I need to beach. Everyone is talking about the beach.. I'm craving beach. ANd ktv. And Alcohol. Can we ktv Thursday, alcohol Saturday and beach Sunday?
pUHHH leaaaaseeee?
-{ missing you 11/13/2007 04:50:00 pm }-
Friday, November 09, 2007
- please hold the line while i transfer you... -
Blogging with photos is damn tedious. As I am so lazy, you rarely see photo's on this blog of mine. Yes I know, I shall entertain you with my words. =))))
It seems that it's the time of the month where everyone is busy with the E-word, and stress factors build and most things take on a 'Hold' aspect. Yet in our little worlds, we find the time for little things, tv, internet, a jog around the block. This time of the month is the month we keep to ourselves and think only of, ourselves. The world comes to a halt when you are preparing for your finals; laundry is piling up in the wash bag/basket, clean clothes are piling up everywhere in your room, junk food is constantly shoved into your face at ridiculous hours of the night. That's my life there for ya. And all this time, I still don't really get my study done. I still lack the motivation to sit my ass down and make a productive effort. And after coming out of that exam room knowing that I knew most of the answers to the questions IF I HAD STUDIED, is a feeling that doesn't hit me as hard as it should. Instead, I'm thinking about the next exam to get out of the way so I can contribute all my notes to a bonfire.
Failing doesn't scare me anymore. Neither does not-graduating. Neither does not getting a job. All I can think of is the three months of not looking at books and understanding concepts of crap-all units that will get me my "Communications" degree. All I can think of are endless Summer days, catching up on dramas, doing the spot of shopping, reading my endless list of novels to read, eating out, endless KTV nights, the beginning of a new year and setting out my New Year's resolution (or maybe try to begin the year with staying out of trouble..).
Speaking of which, that new quiz of mine on Facebook has proven to be quite hard as well. Two things: Going to Taiwan mid next year is a reasonable possibility, but eloping to Taiwan is a non-considerable whole new level. So you's think I would do that? Teehee. And the almost getting arrested? Oh god.. is this the reputation you were talking about? Am I really.. that bad? *cries* I'm a good girl, I am, really. I like to stay home, read books and learn chinese.
My arm hurts 'cos I just got my last Gardisil shot. It's amazing I wrote so much...
+roger. over. and out+
*JayS2*
It seems that it's the time of the month where everyone is busy with the E-word, and stress factors build and most things take on a 'Hold' aspect. Yet in our little worlds, we find the time for little things, tv, internet, a jog around the block. This time of the month is the month we keep to ourselves and think only of, ourselves. The world comes to a halt when you are preparing for your finals; laundry is piling up in the wash bag/basket, clean clothes are piling up everywhere in your room, junk food is constantly shoved into your face at ridiculous hours of the night. That's my life there for ya. And all this time, I still don't really get my study done. I still lack the motivation to sit my ass down and make a productive effort. And after coming out of that exam room knowing that I knew most of the answers to the questions IF I HAD STUDIED, is a feeling that doesn't hit me as hard as it should. Instead, I'm thinking about the next exam to get out of the way so I can contribute all my notes to a bonfire.
Failing doesn't scare me anymore. Neither does not-graduating. Neither does not getting a job. All I can think of is the three months of not looking at books and understanding concepts of crap-all units that will get me my "Communications" degree. All I can think of are endless Summer days, catching up on dramas, doing the spot of shopping, reading my endless list of novels to read, eating out, endless KTV nights, the beginning of a new year and setting out my New Year's resolution (or maybe try to begin the year with staying out of trouble..).
Speaking of which, that new quiz of mine on Facebook has proven to be quite hard as well. Two things: Going to Taiwan mid next year is a reasonable possibility, but eloping to Taiwan is a non-considerable whole new level. So you's think I would do that? Teehee. And the almost getting arrested? Oh god.. is this the reputation you were talking about? Am I really.. that bad? *cries* I'm a good girl, I am, really. I like to stay home, read books and learn chinese.
My arm hurts 'cos I just got my last Gardisil shot. It's amazing I wrote so much...
+roger. over. and out+
*JayS2*
-{ missing you 11/09/2007 04:49:00 pm }-
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
- horse shit -
The only thing that is somewhat 'Australian' about the Melbourne Cup is the title of the cup itself.
Yeah, it's a good 10 minutes to watch, but surely you wouldn't call the Melbourne Cup a contributor to our culture. If so, since when was high culture 'Australian' culture?
That's how I see it anyway. A bunch of rich people with expensive suits and expensive hats sipping champagne and placing bets on horses in a highly sophisticated manner.
Sure maybe I should look at how the rest of the nation reacts to the Melbourne Cup. Gambling, and an excuse to stop school work, stop working, gather at the pub or tavern to have a couple of beers. Man! I'm being stereotypical. But people are actually doing that.
Ok fine. So maybe it's a national identity marker. But erm, excuse me? How is the nation being integrated? The rich - sipping shampagnee and the rest of us chugging down beer. I dernoo hey. Enlighten me, cos I'm quite sceptical.
There was something else I was supposed to say... can't remember. Oh but yeah, if you didn't know already, I'm not going to see Jay. Even if it's his birthday. cbb elaborating other than the fact that tickets are probably sold out by now.
mmm. . I think that's it. Other than --> No, I don't wanna see your face this summer. Not this summer, not any summer, in fact not any season at all.
Yeah, it's a good 10 minutes to watch, but surely you wouldn't call the Melbourne Cup a contributor to our culture. If so, since when was high culture 'Australian' culture?
That's how I see it anyway. A bunch of rich people with expensive suits and expensive hats sipping champagne and placing bets on horses in a highly sophisticated manner.
Sure maybe I should look at how the rest of the nation reacts to the Melbourne Cup. Gambling, and an excuse to stop school work, stop working, gather at the pub or tavern to have a couple of beers. Man! I'm being stereotypical. But people are actually doing that.
Ok fine. So maybe it's a national identity marker. But erm, excuse me? How is the nation being integrated? The rich - sipping shampagnee and the rest of us chugging down beer. I dernoo hey. Enlighten me, cos I'm quite sceptical.
There was something else I was supposed to say... can't remember. Oh but yeah, if you didn't know already, I'm not going to see Jay. Even if it's his birthday. cbb elaborating other than the fact that tickets are probably sold out by now.
mmm. . I think that's it. Other than --> No, I don't wanna see your face this summer. Not this summer, not any summer, in fact not any season at all.
-{ missing you 11/06/2007 11:23:00 pm }-
Saturday, November 03, 2007
- Jay - a secret i cannot tell -
I'm having a major dilemma.
No, it's not this blogging drought I've been having. No, it's not the lack of exam study that I have done, while working at burswood has taken up much of the time.
It's this Jay Chou thing. It is driving me insane.I have to decide by the beginning of next week if I am to go to Jay's concert in Singapore in January. I have just spoken to my parents and this is what it comes down to. I go. BUT, I will be trading in the end of year trip to Taiwan. That a big fucking trade. If I go to the concert, I think I will also be risking mum's happiness. She is not keen at all about spending almost $1000 on Jay. I guess it's understandable. But here I go again with the narcissism of my own happiness and freedom. It's just like everytime I am denied of anything, I get the nostalgic feeling to yearn for more liberty. God only knows I've upset my mum way too many times, and her high blood pressure will probably be caused by me *touch wood*.
What do I do? They almost agreed, so my next move will be to confirm flight tickets and Jay tickets. Or do I scrap the idea and make mum happy for once in my god damned life?
I feel so shallow turning this into the huge problem that I take it to be. Noelle let go of her Rain concert. And Michelle let go of DBSK concert. Should I do the same? Is it even worth the quarrel and family feud?
I think I know the answer now. I have finally thought it through.
Side note, no exam study is really shithouse. But who cares, really?
No, it's not this blogging drought I've been having. No, it's not the lack of exam study that I have done, while working at burswood has taken up much of the time.
It's this Jay Chou thing. It is driving me insane.I have to decide by the beginning of next week if I am to go to Jay's concert in Singapore in January. I have just spoken to my parents and this is what it comes down to. I go. BUT, I will be trading in the end of year trip to Taiwan. That a big fucking trade. If I go to the concert, I think I will also be risking mum's happiness. She is not keen at all about spending almost $1000 on Jay. I guess it's understandable. But here I go again with the narcissism of my own happiness and freedom. It's just like everytime I am denied of anything, I get the nostalgic feeling to yearn for more liberty. God only knows I've upset my mum way too many times, and her high blood pressure will probably be caused by me *touch wood*.
What do I do? They almost agreed, so my next move will be to confirm flight tickets and Jay tickets. Or do I scrap the idea and make mum happy for once in my god damned life?
I feel so shallow turning this into the huge problem that I take it to be. Noelle let go of her Rain concert. And Michelle let go of DBSK concert. Should I do the same? Is it even worth the quarrel and family feud?
I think I know the answer now. I have finally thought it through.
Side note, no exam study is really shithouse. But who cares, really?
-{ missing you 11/03/2007 01:40:00 pm }-