Monday, August 25, 2008
- emo blogs -
When I read everyone's emo blogs these days, I do not come to question their emotions, but understand that I used to once think like that. Correction: I may still be an emo stuffed back into the closet. Maybe.
But these blogs only prove one thing. We are all weak links in need of much love and affection, yet we believe that we are alone in this world. Open your eyes and see your friends around you. They are also weak links in need of your love. We are so lucky that we take everything in life for granted and people's love in disregard. It's sad really. I wish I could say the things to make these people better. Because in my mind they appear to be sad little creatures.
Am I a character in my own sympathy? Possibly.
I have come to the point that I miss uni now. Three days a week I sit at home, contemplating my future and missing my past. Four days a week I am busy with a job that does not propel me into any career. And twenty-four hours a day, I'm left to think about.. about... stuff.
Cheer up dears, for tomorrow is a possibility for a better day.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
- Lazy day -
I'm having a lazy day. Slept in, have done absolutely nothing. Except for a bit of vacuuming.
***
I was going to say, I didn't even make lunch for dad and myself, but he just got home and said he'll just eat anything so I made myself a tuna sandwich.
I never realised that a sober life is so contradictory. You have: more integrity. But I feel like I have more of the worlds' weight on my shoulders. You realise so much more on a deeper level when you're sober and you understand what is means to be content, as opposed to just being happy.
I used to say, 'Yeah! Go alcomahol!' That I actually depended on alcohol for a good night out. We all do. I sometimes see those people who can't drink and are just struck dumb as to how to have fun. But yeah. We just need to find other hobbies. Drunkness is a phase. Late clubbing nights are just a phase. Drink-driving will definitely have to be a phase (which I hope my children don't do). It's called ..
growing up. It doesn't mean you can't drink, can't go clubbing. Just do it responsibly, do it with class and integrity.
INTEGRITY, I lost a lot of that last year.
Monday, August 18, 2008
- the lessons of life -
I know that in my life, I am grateful for the friends that have come into my life, taught me the things I didn't know and showed me the light when I was in darkness. Whether or not they are still around doesn't matter, because they'll always be known to be a friend mine. However, I have realised that there a many things that have happened in their lives where I should be happy for them, but instead deep inside, I feel like I'm not. That I'm left out of their happiness and I don't want to be happy for them.
Whether it is a new job, a new life, a new partner, it has changed them and helped them move on from what was once hardship in their life. Maybe it's because I wanted to be there for them through their hardship, but I was never needed. Now that they have something else occupying their life, I feel like I am being ditched from their very lives. Maybe I was never needed? Maybe I was too naive to see that I only sought their friendship for their company, for my selfish needs. Is friendship, or any other relationship for that matter, just another business transaction?
It's just like in Why Why Love. Girl is secretly in love with guy, whose little brother, Mike He is in love with her. But she only sees him as her own little brother but is using him to get to his older brother. At the same time she is basking in his infatuation for her, to fulfill her narcissistic needs. So when she suspects that Mike He has a girlfriend, she becomes really aggravated that she is no longer the centre of his world, even though she wants to be the centre of the world to his older brother, WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT HER. Which I find extremely amusing. AS the viewer, we criticise her actions and wonder why she just can't leave Mike He alone and maybe stop giving him the attention to which he thinks are signs that maybe she could possibly like him.
How does this all relate to my previous topic? Well, you see, I'm thinking that maybe, just like this stupid girl, I should stop questioning everyones happiness, and just say, 'hey, good for you'. Say for instance, I have a friend who is a good friend of mine. Friend gets back with girlfriend after a few years of break-up because girlfriend has always been there when he needed a shoulder. BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN MY SHOULDER WAS AVAILABLE? You would think that it would be a fair exchange, after many years of friendship, we could exchange shoulders. But all this time, my shoulder was not his and he had her shoulder instead. Jealousy you say?
I think so. I say so, actually. I always thought, 'It's not fair. I would be there straight away if you just said those three words: I need you. But you never came to me.' And now I realise through his hardest days, he was reconciling with HER, even when he told me it would never work out with her.
In actual fact. He lied to me. He wanted it to work, and he just pretended to be OK with everything. But he wasn't and he was broken. In his good fortune, his reconciliation resulted in the re-establishment of his relationship. And damn it, I should be happy for him.
Perhaps the reason I am disliking the whole situation is because I have a small inkling that she loathes me, but - MINOR DETAIL.
Nevertheless, with my quest to find inner peace (and a graceful lady) in myself, I am also in search for a heart of happiness for my friends.
Laters alligators!
Friday, August 15, 2008
- Life to be lived. friends to be loved -
Last week/end was pretty eventful, I received a surprise birthday! I was totally SURPRISED! even though I came in expressionless. It was probably because while I was walking in, I saw kim squatting behind the wall, "trying" to hide, although I'm not sure she was doing a great job... we had quite a stare (o_o) until everyone else jumped out and scared the bejeezus out of me.
I spent my actual birthday day working, then a very short KTV session with bro and Ed at HS. There are heaps of people at HS in the arvo! It's amazing! I've never seen so many sober people at HS before O_o. It's only $5 and hour from 4pm til 8pm.
Then I had dinner at Grand Palace and then... went to Burswood! Headed straight for the casino to try my birthday luck. After a good half hour to 45 minutes I doubled my earnings! And then Ed made me stop. Which I guess was a good idea. I was pretty hyped and eager to play on. We headed to the Carbon Bar for a drink, it's quite an amazing sports bar I might add. Bumped into Vincent and Hsian, then stayed on to wait for Caz Kim and YeeYang. We then decided to go to Spice Lounge.. but there was so many people lounging.. so we detoured on into [A]lure. It's a great atmosphere.. It's actually a lounge/ seafood/japanese restaurant. It's pretty laid back. Good for a cocktail or two. [A]lure wrapped up the night after we were joined by Mish Nol Fel and a guest appearance by Rog and Ling who brought me a cupcake!
That wraps up that week. I have a few photos floating on Facebook. But until I get some photos from those camwhore photographers, I can't upload anything.
On Wednesday, Ed and I decided to be tourists and go to Fremantle. What a way to go to Freo on a Wednesday when the MARKETS aren't open! Which doesn't totally suck cos the markets aren't that great anyway. Fremantle is quite nice, lots of landmark stuff. And the fact that it's just different compared to Perth which I'm quite sick of already.
Something smells fishy...
Camwhorer!
And her partner in crime..
We stopped by Gino's for coffee. I must say, ever since I learnt how to make REAL coffee, I've been dishing out critiques to all the coffees I drink..and this one was crap.
I hope this is some sort of famous Freo clock tower thing. It looked nice.
I saw this in a shop... I'm not sure if it's cool.. but it sure is... expressive?
We walked by Fremantle convict prison. I've been there before for Year 7 excursion. It's cool and freaky.. but you gotta pay to get in.. so we just took a picture and .. made our way to ... LUNCH!
Cicerellos, BEST fish'n'chips in Freo...?
We settled for Kailis instead. (We 'da bao' Cicerello's later)
By 4pm, we finally came to the well anticipated, Mole as it was called. Mole, can you imagine?! It's the usual fishing spot. Ed LOVES fishing.
Fishing was fun, cos I totally kicked ass! I caught one fishy fish. I'm definitely going back cos there's heaps of Whiting there. Have you tried it before? Deep fry it so it's crispy and its awesome with sambal dip. Unfortunately I got extremely cold and restless and stopped taking pictures, so there's not really any proof that I caught fish. But I'm almost certain Ed will tell you I DID catch fish. Right Ed?
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
- Orgasms, wontons and no tiramisu -
Ed on the other hand ate both. And while he ate the Big Mac, he claims that ir was the most orgasmic Big Mac he's ever eaten.
I beg to differ.
Big bite....
Glowing in orgasms...with lettuce oozing through his fingertips...
Posing (or maybe he was actually grumpy cos I teased him about smelly lettuce fingers), acting cool and looking VERY HONKIE BOY.
poser HONKIE BOY.
Anywhos, back to me.
I made Wonton noodles today! I could say they were an amazing success. Although it's not very hard to make. But have YOU made it before????? Yeah that's right. Lazy bum.
After searching desparately for pre-made wontons, I had resorted to making my own damn wontons. But I forgot to take the pork out to thaw in the sink! So was PMSing and annoying the hell out of Ed who in the end just told me to defrost it, I defrosted the frickin pork and was set to make some wontons. But then I realised I didn't really know how to make it, and just made it anyhow, as you can see down there..
ANd then finally, cooking it with the broth along with some choy sum, wheat noodles and VOILA!
MY WONTON NOODLES ARE READY TO SERVE!! Of course I can't forget some hot chilli's which made it excellent! It was a bit bland cos I didn't wanna overdose on msg and sodium.. but that's ok.. Soy sauce does the trick.
And that was the adventures of Lisa for today.. stay tuned.. I promised Ed some Tiramisu.. about a couple months ago, and he's starting to demand that I stop making empty promises.
I'm sorry Edmond!
I will get right on it ...I think I wanna make those mini cup ones.. so.. it's off to find clear tiramisu dessert cups! Unless someone would like to get it for my birthday????
Ciao
FYI - this is my new KTV SONG
Monday, August 04, 2008
- those days are gone.. -
Life is now, pain is gone and perfection is tomorrow as the next day is the day we strive for perfection. Why do we always hold on to yesterday when it causes us pain?
But pain is what gets us through, we live for pain and we experience it to move on.
Birth, suffering, old age and death we must cross to enter into perfection. Yet, how is this supposed to be imposed onto the adolescent mind. The youth is naive and simple, and suffering never seems to be the solution, but the problem.
If unprepared for what pandora's box holds', the box should not be opened. When opened too early, just like the myth tells, all the the box' misfortunes escape, as for the youth, they are too much to handle. When realised what the box contains, it is finally closed and lost, along with hope, the future of the adolescent is scarred with cascading memories of pain.
I said to live through pain, but not live with pain. Pain will fall upon us, yes, but we do not have to create it upon ourselves.
The problem these days is that people are living with self-created pains.
I merely llive through the pains, and that is the difference between you and me.
(7 march 2006)
What happened to that girl who had wild fantasies of pain and such articulate writing. Ok maybe my head is a little big, that and maybe it's all air because it took me a while to understand what I wrote. Those days when I used to blog emo. Now I read the posts of those teenagers whose age I used to be, and how much fun they are having. How I envy their joy, their innocence. What happened to my joy and innocence?
Travelling independently is the best thing that ever happened to me. It opened my eyes up to a lot of what goes on around you. And it opens up the gates of confidence for you to explore. Making mistakes is what you hope to do, so you'll never do it again.
Actually I think I'm still a bit emo. I wish I knew how to write like I used to. I miss writing like that. My mind is so clouded with rot now, writing doesn't come as easy as it should anymore.
- i am so fucking bored -