Monday, August 18, 2008
- the lessons of life -
The Lessons of Life
I know that in my life, I am grateful for the friends that have come into my life, taught me the things I didn't know and showed me the light when I was in darkness. Whether or not they are still around doesn't matter, because they'll always be known to be a friend mine. However, I have realised that there a many things that have happened in their lives where I should be happy for them, but instead deep inside, I feel like I'm not. That I'm left out of their happiness and I don't want to be happy for them.
Whether it is a new job, a new life, a new partner, it has changed them and helped them move on from what was once hardship in their life. Maybe it's because I wanted to be there for them through their hardship, but I was never needed. Now that they have something else occupying their life, I feel like I am being ditched from their very lives. Maybe I was never needed? Maybe I was too naive to see that I only sought their friendship for their company, for my selfish needs. Is friendship, or any other relationship for that matter, just another business transaction?
It's just like in Why Why Love. Girl is secretly in love with guy, whose little brother, Mike He is in love with her. But she only sees him as her own little brother but is using him to get to his older brother. At the same time she is basking in his infatuation for her, to fulfill her narcissistic needs. So when she suspects that Mike He has a girlfriend, she becomes really aggravated that she is no longer the centre of his world, even though she wants to be the centre of the world to his older brother, WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT HER. Which I find extremely amusing. AS the viewer, we criticise her actions and wonder why she just can't leave Mike He alone and maybe stop giving him the attention to which he thinks are signs that maybe she could possibly like him.
How does this all relate to my previous topic? Well, you see, I'm thinking that maybe, just like this stupid girl, I should stop questioning everyones happiness, and just say, 'hey, good for you'. Say for instance, I have a friend who is a good friend of mine. Friend gets back with girlfriend after a few years of break-up because girlfriend has always been there when he needed a shoulder. BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN MY SHOULDER WAS AVAILABLE? You would think that it would be a fair exchange, after many years of friendship, we could exchange shoulders. But all this time, my shoulder was not his and he had her shoulder instead. Jealousy you say?
I think so. I say so, actually. I always thought, 'It's not fair. I would be there straight away if you just said those three words: I need you. But you never came to me.' And now I realise through his hardest days, he was reconciling with HER, even when he told me it would never work out with her.
In actual fact. He lied to me. He wanted it to work, and he just pretended to be OK with everything. But he wasn't and he was broken. In his good fortune, his reconciliation resulted in the re-establishment of his relationship. And damn it, I should be happy for him.
Perhaps the reason I am disliking the whole situation is because I have a small inkling that she loathes me, but - MINOR DETAIL.
Nevertheless, with my quest to find inner peace (and a graceful lady) in myself, I am also in search for a heart of happiness for my friends.
Laters alligators!
-{ missing you 8/18/2008 10:32:00 am }-