Sunday, May 30, 2010
- Sunday sunny skies -
Whilst it's 2 days from winter, this may be the last sunny day we'll get. And I'm sitting in my room with the windows open and looking at the blue skies wondering why I'm here and not there.
I never know how to savour the moment and be thankful of many things, which I should. I can prove that to you by telling you I slept 'til 1.30pm today and only managing to do my laundry at 3.30pm. And, I've also managed to get through three quarters of Down with Love. Sigh.
Life's like this: am I supposed to make the most of the time I have when I'm not working? And what does this mean 'making the most of it'? I'm remembering the times that uni took up most of our times...
I never know how to savour the moment and be thankful of many things, which I should. I can prove that to you by telling you I slept 'til 1.30pm today and only managing to do my laundry at 3.30pm. And, I've also managed to get through three quarters of Down with Love. Sigh.
Life's like this: am I supposed to make the most of the time I have when I'm not working? And what does this mean 'making the most of it'? I'm remembering the times that uni took up most of our times...
-{ missing you 5/30/2010 03:58:00 pm }-
Monday, May 24, 2010
- Again and again - 2PM -
Everything seems to be whirling into deju vu. But at the same time the situations and outcomes are all different. Some of it involve me and some of it doesn't.
It's making life crazy scary and I'm doing things that I know I shouldn't but... just makes life easier. Should I give up my job because somebody shits me? It's not like I love the place. I love my salary, that's what it is. Never will I ever earn this much in my life, I feel. No true qualification or intellect or gift of any sort...
Sometimes, I feel like playing mother. I want to look out for loved ones, make sure they're doing the right thing. And to set peace amongst us all. But it's not always my place. I shouldn't always try to be the good guy because I always just turn bad. Get emo. Start shouting at the wrong people.
It's not fair how easy some things can be but we just make it complicated, for fuck sakes.
I'm sick of this 'I'm so old' crap. It's bullshit and you're bullshit.
Bumping into what used to be good company is meant to be a good thing. But it has just reminded me of what fucktards some people can be. Fuck you, fuck ev erything. Now is not a good place to be, now is not a good time to talk to me. Actually don't talk to me, period.
Decided to be a bitch so fucking deal with it.
It's making life crazy scary and I'm doing things that I know I shouldn't but... just makes life easier. Should I give up my job because somebody shits me? It's not like I love the place. I love my salary, that's what it is. Never will I ever earn this much in my life, I feel. No true qualification or intellect or gift of any sort...
Sometimes, I feel like playing mother. I want to look out for loved ones, make sure they're doing the right thing. And to set peace amongst us all. But it's not always my place. I shouldn't always try to be the good guy because I always just turn bad. Get emo. Start shouting at the wrong people.
It's not fair how easy some things can be but we just make it complicated, for fuck sakes.
I'm sick of this 'I'm so old' crap. It's bullshit and you're bullshit.
Bumping into what used to be good company is meant to be a good thing. But it has just reminded me of what fucktards some people can be. Fuck you, fuck ev erything. Now is not a good place to be, now is not a good time to talk to me. Actually don't talk to me, period.
Decided to be a bitch so fucking deal with it.
-{ missing you 5/24/2010 12:06:00 am }-
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
- Tell me if you see kay -
..If you see Kay.. get it? The Script are genius'.
Below are pictures of love-at-first-sight with Shilla Cafe..
Our fail bench-in-the-way timer shot.
The his and her house.
Below are pictures of love-at-first-sight with Shilla Cafe..
Our fail bench-in-the-way timer shot.
The his and her house.I've had too much time to think these days and I feel like a fool. I keep thinking about the bad things I've done in the past. I can't see how I deserve what I have today. I woke up in the middle of the night one time, I felt so dirty and ashamed of all the stupidness, the selfish acts and it made me so sick. Then, I just started to slap myself. It didn't even feel like I was hitting myself because it felt so deserving so I made it harder and harder each time. I literally slapped myself silly until I couldn't feel my right cheek and the salty tears fell down face, trickling into my mouth.
The heart felt a little lighter. I think I fell alseep straight away. But I still hate myself sometimes.
The heart felt a little lighter. I think I fell alseep straight away. But I still hate myself sometimes.
-{ missing you 5/19/2010 08:58:00 pm }-
Monday, May 17, 2010
- I'm stuck -
Is this an end to an era? The world I used to know...
I realise that I can't force myself to blog, especially when I don't FEEL like blogging. The outcome is just plain crap boring posts. So many times these few weeks, I've started writing and just end up scrapping it because I'm blogging about something completely stupid. That or it started off a good idea, but I'm just too retarded to put it down articulately. Or just even properly in my case.
But nevertheless, I was driving home from work today and was, not surprisingly, stuck in peak traffic. But it was ok because I had old school Jay songs with me ^^. I don't really mind slow traffic sometimes.. unless I'm supposed to be somewhere at a certain time, hahaha. But I remember a Sydneyan telling me that our slow traffic was nothing compared to theirs. So, who are we to complain? But then again.. people just complain regardless. It also reminded me of another time - when I was in Penang for Christmas back in... 2006, I think. We were heading back from the countdown and bar hopping and traffic was just craptastic. It was soo slow that when we were driving past the hawkers, my cousin got out of the car and went to get us some satays - and we only moved about 3 cars distance! It was funny and made the ride a little less boring. So I sat there stuck in traffic this arvo and slowly drove past the petrol station.. wondering if I could pull off getting out of my car and getting some snacks. O____O Isn't that a GRAND idea??
I realise that I can't force myself to blog, especially when I don't FEEL like blogging. The outcome is just plain crap boring posts. So many times these few weeks, I've started writing and just end up scrapping it because I'm blogging about something completely stupid. That or it started off a good idea, but I'm just too retarded to put it down articulately. Or just even properly in my case.
But nevertheless, I was driving home from work today and was, not surprisingly, stuck in peak traffic. But it was ok because I had old school Jay songs with me ^^. I don't really mind slow traffic sometimes.. unless I'm supposed to be somewhere at a certain time, hahaha. But I remember a Sydneyan telling me that our slow traffic was nothing compared to theirs. So, who are we to complain? But then again.. people just complain regardless. It also reminded me of another time - when I was in Penang for Christmas back in... 2006, I think. We were heading back from the countdown and bar hopping and traffic was just craptastic. It was soo slow that when we were driving past the hawkers, my cousin got out of the car and went to get us some satays - and we only moved about 3 cars distance! It was funny and made the ride a little less boring. So I sat there stuck in traffic this arvo and slowly drove past the petrol station.. wondering if I could pull off getting out of my car and getting some snacks. O____O Isn't that a GRAND idea??
-{ missing you 5/17/2010 10:25:00 pm }-
Sunday, May 09, 2010
- May Day -
Happy Mother's Day ><
I was supposed to blog earlier, with photo's but by the time I got around to taking the pictures off the Vivaz, I'd already decided CBB.
When we always talk about being bitches and being disliked by mainstream society, I think we never really took it all too seriously as to how it would feel if we were to be hated.
Cos it sure isn't a Whatever-attitude. Especially when dealing with it on a 5 day a week basis... it cramps the working style and makings everything seem frustrating to deal with. And I sometimes think about what I did wrong, yes, I may have been wrong, but the underlying reasons for this situation don't add up and I'm not the culprit. So much for laying low because I have done exactly that and landed myself in this situation. I just have to accept the fact that I'm suey. So I've made it to be with my friends more because it is them who I would rather be around more - the people who I look forward to seeing after a hard day's work, the people who care. So I need to get over this and accept that there's some things you can't change and I'm not ready to clarify the issues, because as far as I'm concerned, this colleague wouldn't be my friend in a chance.
This little situation helped me to start looking for jobs, since June isn't too far away.. and I'm not so certain there's a permanent position for me where I'm at now... who knew contracting sucked so much.
On a more spontaneous note, Noelle and I booked tickets to Melbourne. It really wasn't spontaneous since we were just trying to suss out the right time to purchase tickets, but now it's done and hopefully it will all go smoothly..
So another week ahead, life goes on, trying to find the light - which is Friday, the end to the week.
L
I was supposed to blog earlier, with photo's but by the time I got around to taking the pictures off the Vivaz, I'd already decided CBB.
When we always talk about being bitches and being disliked by mainstream society, I think we never really took it all too seriously as to how it would feel if we were to be hated.
Cos it sure isn't a Whatever-attitude. Especially when dealing with it on a 5 day a week basis... it cramps the working style and makings everything seem frustrating to deal with. And I sometimes think about what I did wrong, yes, I may have been wrong, but the underlying reasons for this situation don't add up and I'm not the culprit. So much for laying low because I have done exactly that and landed myself in this situation. I just have to accept the fact that I'm suey. So I've made it to be with my friends more because it is them who I would rather be around more - the people who I look forward to seeing after a hard day's work, the people who care. So I need to get over this and accept that there's some things you can't change and I'm not ready to clarify the issues, because as far as I'm concerned, this colleague wouldn't be my friend in a chance.
This little situation helped me to start looking for jobs, since June isn't too far away.. and I'm not so certain there's a permanent position for me where I'm at now... who knew contracting sucked so much.
On a more spontaneous note, Noelle and I booked tickets to Melbourne. It really wasn't spontaneous since we were just trying to suss out the right time to purchase tickets, but now it's done and hopefully it will all go smoothly..
So another week ahead, life goes on, trying to find the light - which is Friday, the end to the week.
L
-{ missing you 5/09/2010 10:48:00 pm }-