Sunday, June 27, 2010
- Save tonight, fight the break of dawn -
It's not a mystery: if you learn to let go, then you also learn to move on.
But we are only human and we succeed to fail. Because if moving on means to get on with life, then who's the fail-human who invented pictures? Better yet, why did God fail and give us memories?
With every rule, there is a loop hole. With every mistake, there should be forgiveness.
I'm not sure why I am, but I'm surprised how much memories Facebook contains. And if the memories are in the form of photos, then they come in form of people. Others would sometimes call these people, friends.
I look back and remember all the people who've passed through into my life, those blessed enough to know me. I got to know them all for a reason. They've all impacted me in some sort of way. Sometimes I surprise myself to have actually met all the people I have, and then I think back to when I lost them and how it happened.
Facebook helps triggers memories of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the oh so hot. And you will always and forever stumble on someone you miss. I remember the ways things were then: they were good, even if only for a little while. And I see things now: that day we walked different paths and ended up where we are now. It's like, you never even got to be my superman. Then I start to wonder about what if's and turn my head into a little mess of bullshit thoughts. It makes you think how fucked peoples' lives were and that it wasn't YOU who changed their life. It's funny how different everything would be if we chose that other path, that other road, that other everything.
Maybe I was never the realist that I set out to be. It was just a facade to mask my stupidity. How I thought I knew it all. I thought I saw through it all and that I was street smart - HARDCORE. Fuck, do you even know me at all? Do you remember the stupid girl panics when I got into little girl situations and waited for someone to save me? Then something happened, someone happened? I lost a little and gained a little bit more. Alcohol gives you confidence you wouldn't believe. So I made it my best friend. And the one thing I couldn't live without. Alright I lie. Or not. But with it came good music and gorgeous people. Alright alright! Dramatic much? But yeah. Go figure: K+A+HF= badabababa.i'mlovingit!
OK you know what? I'm so over this post.
-{ missing you 6/27/2010 12:10:00 am }-
Sunday, June 20, 2010
- 来来玩儿 -
Our Saturday afternoon.
6月19日，晴。心情有好也有不好。我觉得做人一天比一天困难。每一个早上想要起床都懒惰。今天又跟 Noelle 去 Shilla 咖啡店。我们每一次去到那个地方就会一直发白日梦。如果生活是那么简单就有多好。
今晚没有去玩好像有点浪费，但是我现在的生活应该就是呆在家里这样下去。没有什么大不了，我应该玩得够了。有时想要去玩都懒。尤其现在的晚上冷的很。
明天是星期日，后天又要上班了 - T.T - 闷死我吧。
表妹今天结婚，希望从今天开始她和表妹夫有好日子过。。 恭喜。
6月19日，晴。心情有好也有不好。我觉得做人一天比一天困难。每一个早上想要起床都懒惰。今天又跟 Noelle 去 Shilla 咖啡店。我们每一次去到那个地方就会一直发白日梦。如果生活是那么简单就有多好。
今晚没有去玩好像有点浪费，但是我现在的生活应该就是呆在家里这样下去。没有什么大不了，我应该玩得够了。有时想要去玩都懒。尤其现在的晚上冷的很。
明天是星期日，后天又要上班了 - T.T - 闷死我吧。
表妹今天结婚，希望从今天开始她和表妹夫有好日子过。。 恭喜。
-{ missing you 6/20/2010 12:05:00 am }-
Friday, June 18, 2010
- When I lost you I lost myself. -
It's only the first month of winter and I'm not taking it in so well. Rain is nice sometimes, but not when you work full time and have to deal with public transport.
Fortunately I'm lazy and have been driving to work the entire week.
So this laziness which I always dote on as one of my strong unchangeable habits; it's not something to be proud of is it?
Especially when it hinders great prospects.. I wonder why I let it get the most of me. It has of recent, made me feel so disappointed in myself, which is the worst disappointment, because if I can let myself down, then what hope is there for having faith in others? I'm not sure if I understand what I'm saying there...
I lay there in bed, trying to get to sleep and wonder why I let the chance of salvaging hope slip by. I wonder why I gave up so easily. It never occurred to me that I was a fighter, because the moment that I let it go, I also let go a piece of myself.
So call me dramatic, because I am, but I just feel awful. I've betrayed myself, of all people. I scared myself by thinking, do I really give up this easily? Could I give up life this easily too? It's all too simple to let go of the ropes. There is no struggle, there is no what if.
It just means that I was undeserving. I did not deserve the opportunity because I did not ask, what if?
Do you try, or do you let it all just slip by? Do you watch chance linger and drift away, far enough for you to decide that chance is beyond reach, because you are too lazy to pursue?
I wish I learned my lesson and snap out of this bad dream. I wish I wasn't so happy with this sin of mine and start to be pro-active. I know it's already half way through the year, but I want to make the latter half a good one. One where I can say I succeeded to be a little less lazy - I work in baby steps.
My music is currently taking me back to Evan Yo volume One. And I remember.
I remember when I used to say, 我可以.
There has just got to be better days. And better ways.
Fortunately I'm lazy and have been driving to work the entire week.
So this laziness which I always dote on as one of my strong unchangeable habits; it's not something to be proud of is it?
Especially when it hinders great prospects.. I wonder why I let it get the most of me. It has of recent, made me feel so disappointed in myself, which is the worst disappointment, because if I can let myself down, then what hope is there for having faith in others? I'm not sure if I understand what I'm saying there...
I lay there in bed, trying to get to sleep and wonder why I let the chance of salvaging hope slip by. I wonder why I gave up so easily. It never occurred to me that I was a fighter, because the moment that I let it go, I also let go a piece of myself.
So call me dramatic, because I am, but I just feel awful. I've betrayed myself, of all people. I scared myself by thinking, do I really give up this easily? Could I give up life this easily too? It's all too simple to let go of the ropes. There is no struggle, there is no what if.
It just means that I was undeserving. I did not deserve the opportunity because I did not ask, what if?
Do you try, or do you let it all just slip by? Do you watch chance linger and drift away, far enough for you to decide that chance is beyond reach, because you are too lazy to pursue?
I wish I learned my lesson and snap out of this bad dream. I wish I wasn't so happy with this sin of mine and start to be pro-active. I know it's already half way through the year, but I want to make the latter half a good one. One where I can say I succeeded to be a little less lazy - I work in baby steps.
My music is currently taking me back to Evan Yo volume One. And I remember.
I remember when I used to say, 我可以.
There has just got to be better days. And better ways.
-{ missing you 6/18/2010 11:54:00 pm }-
Saturday, June 05, 2010
- Love -
Love is...
... the best and worst thing that could ever happen to someone. It involves nobody other than the ones in love. It is a new world created amongst the loved ones and it is as powerful as anyone could imagine.
It may change people, but change isn't necessarily a bad thing. It isn't always accepted by everyone, because it interfers with other circles of love. It doesn't matter who your loved one is: a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, your family, we change and better ourselves for them.
Love is a test. It's not always easy to keep your hands on. It's like water; unless you find something to retain it, it will slip through your fingers. Sometimes you think you can do without, but it always comes in handy. Some people take love for granted. They learn the hard way by losing love when creating havoc to which they knew the conclusion. Others suffocate the love and suppress all the joys that should come with love and instead of letting the love bloom, they drown it with too much water.
Love has always been hard for me. I've struggled with coming to terms with love for friends, or choosing whether or not to love them. I've changed myself happily for different people in the different phases of my life. My life wouldn't be what is has been if it weren't for my loved ones who've come and gone.
Life would not have been so sweet without my family.
But love has always been a struggle to maintain and uphold. Love is when you feel their pain. Love is when you feel their anger. Love is basking in their happiness.
Love isn't counting the days you've loved, but just loving.
30 months and not counting, B. >.<
... the best and worst thing that could ever happen to someone. It involves nobody other than the ones in love. It is a new world created amongst the loved ones and it is as powerful as anyone could imagine.
It may change people, but change isn't necessarily a bad thing. It isn't always accepted by everyone, because it interfers with other circles of love. It doesn't matter who your loved one is: a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, your family, we change and better ourselves for them.
Love is a test. It's not always easy to keep your hands on. It's like water; unless you find something to retain it, it will slip through your fingers. Sometimes you think you can do without, but it always comes in handy. Some people take love for granted. They learn the hard way by losing love when creating havoc to which they knew the conclusion. Others suffocate the love and suppress all the joys that should come with love and instead of letting the love bloom, they drown it with too much water.
Love has always been hard for me. I've struggled with coming to terms with love for friends, or choosing whether or not to love them. I've changed myself happily for different people in the different phases of my life. My life wouldn't be what is has been if it weren't for my loved ones who've come and gone.
Life would not have been so sweet without my family.
But love has always been a struggle to maintain and uphold. Love is when you feel their pain. Love is when you feel their anger. Love is basking in their happiness.
Love isn't counting the days you've loved, but just loving.
30 months and not counting, B. >.<
-{ missing you 6/05/2010 01:01:00 am }-
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
- ready or not - cascada -
Thinking again...
I'm thinking about how boys and girls can't be friends. It plays on me while the situation dances around me. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy wants girl to be his GIRLFRIEND. So where does he start? By being her friend.
This is when the game starts. We'll play nice and everyone gets 100 points to start with. It's because we're optimistic right? We'll play our best game.
Boy plays nice, caring, concerned and the formula is basically 'friend+something extra'. Depending on the girl and what her stance is, she will need to tread carefully. Because as much as boys want to be big and strong, they also have fragile hearts. The male species are very narrow minded. It isn't a bad thing because their narrow-mindedness means they don't get into stupid 'arguments' that girls get into. Nevertheless, the boy will think two ways; if she is nice to me, it means she likes me. If she isn't, then she doesn't like me. But even if she doesn't, it doesn't mean I have to give up. That's fine, really, to think like that...
...but the underlying problem here is the 'friend+something extra'. Because the boy never really saw her as a friend. He would never care if it weren't for the fact that he likes girl. He would never go the extra mile for girl just 'as a friend'. And maybe he's not in the position to do so and it's hard for boy to smile and say 'hi' to the girl and pretend that everything is OK.
But during the time that the girl thought she had a friend, she has now lost that friend. Sure, at the end of the game, the boy has lost, but who's keeping score?
Because losing a friend means losing the game anyway.
I'm thinking about how boys and girls can't be friends. It plays on me while the situation dances around me. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy wants girl to be his GIRLFRIEND. So where does he start? By being her friend.
This is when the game starts. We'll play nice and everyone gets 100 points to start with. It's because we're optimistic right? We'll play our best game.
Boy plays nice, caring, concerned and the formula is basically 'friend+something extra'. Depending on the girl and what her stance is, she will need to tread carefully. Because as much as boys want to be big and strong, they also have fragile hearts. The male species are very narrow minded. It isn't a bad thing because their narrow-mindedness means they don't get into stupid 'arguments' that girls get into. Nevertheless, the boy will think two ways; if she is nice to me, it means she likes me. If she isn't, then she doesn't like me. But even if she doesn't, it doesn't mean I have to give up. That's fine, really, to think like that...
...but the underlying problem here is the 'friend+something extra'. Because the boy never really saw her as a friend. He would never care if it weren't for the fact that he likes girl. He would never go the extra mile for girl just 'as a friend'. And maybe he's not in the position to do so and it's hard for boy to smile and say 'hi' to the girl and pretend that everything is OK.
But during the time that the girl thought she had a friend, she has now lost that friend. Sure, at the end of the game, the boy has lost, but who's keeping score?
Because losing a friend means losing the game anyway.
-{ missing you 6/01/2010 09:27:00 pm }-