Monday, April 25, 2011
- The reason -
I've decided to forget everything I've been told and to do this for YOU. I was born into this world with an average life, average intellegence and an average road to travel. But there's something about me that you can't seem to let go. And for that, I've found my purpose.
You are destined for great things. You have the capacity to do so much good for this world, however you cannot do it if you are broken. So maybe it's my purpose to be your mender and mend your brokenness. I will be your cheerleader and your entourage. I will eradicate everything and everyone who interfere with your greatness. I will mend your brokenness.
As it was I who caused it in the first place.
Tonight I pray to the Gods in the sky to ensure a good nights rest, so you can wake up tomorrow and be the Great person you are.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
- direction -
Or rather, a lack of. This month has been all over the place for me. It's interesting to know where I stand after all this drama. I don't think it has changed me much. I'm still unsure as to where I'm headed, or supposed to be headed. An unexpected highlight for me this month was hanging out with Ed's relatives whilst they were in Perth visiting/ attending his sister's wedding. They were great, even the older folks. I even managed to string some cantonese words together and have everyone compliment on my poor cantonese skills, obligingly of course. The wedding was just amazing. The day was quite extensive and even I was quite tired after, but nevertheless such a great day, even if I wasn't a big part of it.
I've met a whole lot of new people this month too. Some of which I've enjoyed their company very much, some of which whom I may never see again. Others, who I just won't have that opportunity to enjoy their company anymore, purely because the chance we had in meeting,was such an oddball occasion to begin with. People fascinate me, even if they annoy me the slightest bit, I still found so many of the events enjoyable and insightful.
I also found myself in many nostalgic moments: ktv with different people in a room where I used to be safe and ruled the drinks, mic and fobs *evol lauf*. The people I used to k with made me the person I am today and were the reason I loved to k. They are the reason I stepped back into the ktv room with these people I was foreign in ktving with...; Clubbing in a new club, same music, different people, same morals, different life status. It fucked up a lot of things and made me think back to the days when the only consequence was degrading ones own life and decadence of the soul. Made me make a lot of stupid decisions and made me doubt my life choices. Made me realise that I'm the same weak, pathetic girl I was back then, who sought validation from unimportant people.
April has taught me that there is nothing wrong with being strict on myself and that all I have to do is think before I act. Thinking will allow me to grasp the concept and comprehend all the outcomes and consequences which would follow the act. Thinking will allow me to remember my goal and my purpose.
Verdict? I'm back on track with a good sense of direction.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
- Let me fill your emptiness -
Monday, April 18, 2011
- Second chances -
I was never good with words. I could never really express my true feelings and at times when I felt like I could, they were corny, cliche feelings that I'd be too embarrassed to say. They say that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. But even making lemonade is quite the task. It's easier to add some honey and make some honey lemon tea. Soothes a good sore throat. I don't understand if I just lack appreciation or if I'm just a very ungrateful person (or both), but I go through so many dramas that could have been done without. People tell me that I shouldn't go through life without explanations for the ones you love. But I find it hard to give explanations because my explanations come out sounding like excuses. It's like today for example. I received a speeding infringement and the police officer asked me if there was a reason why I was 20km over the speed limit. I didn't say anything because anything that I'd say would just come out as an excuse. Maybe I'm a person who likes doing things with no explanation. That way, I could just get away with 'I don't know'. Things never used to be this fucked up. I can pinpoint a date, place and time but somehow, the why factor is absent. Or maybe it was the day that I was going to leave 'why' behind. Everything thereafter, was kind of like a butterfly effect. I didn't mean to hurt people and let people down. But I did. And what's done is done. I have to live with the shame and the hurt. Maybe one day it will subside, but it will take time. So I've decided to bring back the 'why'. I will allow myself to answer 'why not?' every now and then, but with strict discipline will I implement the 'why'. Thank you for bearing with me.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
- dragonfly + the script = fanfuckingtastic w/e -