Half Empty Realm

BOOM BOOM

2011-05-19T21:28:00.003+08:00

Boom Box 17 May 2011:

Ryan Higa a.k.a NigaHiga ft. D-Pryde a.k.a photo bomber

Kevin Wu a.k.a KevJumba.. teeeeaammm Jumba!

.

2011-05-05T22:54:00.000+08:00

Why? WHy the Fuck why??????

Breakeven

2011-05-02T23:21:00.005+08:00

The Script - Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no

~.~

Heartbreak doesn't mean the end of a relationship. We can have our heart broken anytime, anywhere and by anyone. When the heart is broken, it is never felt in the same magnitude by the people involved. If you're lucky, you'll never know how it feels. It's more than just that tight feeling in your chest. It's heavy, and it drains your energy. The darkness is too dark and the sun is too bright. The ringing in your ear will intensify until it's a constant silence that fills your head.

~.~'

As I'm blogging right now, I'm browsing through the Tumblr website. Although it provides so many enticing gadgets to make blogging much more than just blogging, I'm torn between HER and Tumblr. It will be 5 years by the end of May. HER will be 5 years old. I'm afraid to browse through my archives because even though I don't feel that my life accounts for very much, a lot of bullshit has happended in these 5 years and there are so many emotions tied within each and every post. I know that if I start browsing, I won't be sleeping tonight.. how do I part with HER?

~`~

Sleeping is becoming an issue. Something I've come to love is now haunting me.

~O~~

Praying for this rotation to pass by faster so you can feel better about going to work. Maybe the next will be better. Be hopeful =)

The reason

2011-04-25T02:50:00.002+08:00

And so I've decided.

I've decided to forget everything I've been told and to do this for YOU. I was born into this world with an average life, average intellegence and an average road to travel. But there's something about me that you can't seem to let go. And for that, I've found my purpose.

You are destined for great things. You have the capacity to do so much good for this world, however you cannot do it if you are broken. So maybe it's my purpose to be your mender and mend your brokenness. I will be your cheerleader and your entourage. I will eradicate everything and everyone who interfere with your greatness. I will mend your brokenness.

As it was I who caused it in the first place.

Tonight I pray to the Gods in the sky to ensure a good nights rest, so you can wake up tomorrow and be the Great person you are.

direction

2011-04-24T01:26:00.002+08:00

Or rather, a lack of. This month has been all over the place for me. It's interesting to know where I stand after all this drama. I don't think it has changed me much. I'm still unsure as to where I'm headed, or supposed to be headed. An unexpected highlight for me this month was hanging out with Ed's relatives whilst they were in Perth visiting/ attending his sister's wedding. They were great, even the older folks. I even managed to string some cantonese words together and have everyone compliment on my poor cantonese skills, obligingly of course. The wedding was just amazing. The day was quite extensive and even I was quite tired after, but nevertheless such a great day, even if I wasn't a big part of it.

I've met a whole lot of new people this month too. Some of which I've enjoyed their company very much, some of which whom I may never see again. Others, who I just won't have that opportunity to enjoy their company anymore, purely because the chance we had in meeting,was such an oddball occasion to begin with. People fascinate me, even if they annoy me the slightest bit, I still found so many of the events enjoyable and insightful.

I also found myself in many nostalgic moments: ktv with different people in a room where I used to be safe and ruled the drinks, mic and fobs *evol lauf*. The people I used to k with made me the person I am today and were the reason I loved to k. They are the reason I stepped back into the ktv room with these people I was foreign in ktving with...; Clubbing in a new club, same music, different people, same morals, different life status. It fucked up a lot of things and made me think back to the days when the only consequence was degrading ones own life and decadence of the soul. Made me make a lot of stupid decisions and made me doubt my life choices. Made me realise that I'm the same weak, pathetic girl I was back then, who sought validation from unimportant people.

April has taught me that there is nothing wrong with being strict on myself and that all I have to do is think before I act. Thinking will allow me to grasp the concept and comprehend all the outcomes and consequences which would follow the act. Thinking will allow me to remember my goal and my purpose.

Verdict? I'm back on track with a good sense of direction.

Let me fill your emptiness

2011-04-20T20:45:00.001+08:00

You know what's sadder than sorrow? Seeing someone else in sorrow and pain. Especially when it's you who has caused the pain.

Second chances

2011-04-18T23:33:00.002+08:00

I was never good with words. I could never really express my true feelings and at times when I felt like I could, they were corny, cliche feelings that I'd be too embarrassed to say. They say that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. But even making lemonade is quite the task. It's easier to add some honey and make some honey lemon tea. Soothes a good sore throat. I don't understand if I just lack appreciation or if I'm just a very ungrateful person (or both), but I go through so many dramas that could have been done without. People tell me that I shouldn't go through life without explanations for the ones you love. But I find it hard to give explanations because my explanations come out sounding like excuses. It's like today for example. I received a speeding infringement and the police officer asked me if there was a reason why I was 20km over the speed limit. I didn't say anything because anything that I'd say would just come out as an excuse. Maybe I'm a person who likes doing things with no explanation. That way, I could just get away with 'I don't know'. Things never used to be this fucked up. I can pinpoint a date, place and time but somehow, the why factor is absent. Or maybe it was the day that I was going to leave 'why' behind. Everything thereafter, was kind of like a butterfly effect. I didn't mean to hurt people and let people down. But I did. And what's done is done. I have to live with the shame and the hurt. Maybe one day it will subside, but it will take time. So I've decided to bring back the 'why'. I will allow myself to answer 'why not?' every now and then, but with strict discipline will I implement the 'why'. Thank you for bearing with me.

dragonfly + the script = fanfuckingtastic w/e

2011-04-03T16:14:00.003+08:00

I had a pretty epic weekend. It's always epic because of the al-al-al-alcohol! It started off on Friday night, rushed as I was, I finished work at 6pm and went home for dinner, showered, changed (took forever because I forgot to plan what to wear) and went to Utopia for pre's. Met up with Shireen and her massive crew of peoples. Luckily, Guan was there so I wasn't completely at loss. Sadly, he gave me shit for bringing Johnny. What's wrong with a girl with whisky? To be honest, I'm probs just a dero drunk who thinks alcohol is all the same. I drink bourbon and coke for crying out loud! Anyways, then headed to The Villa for the Dragonfly function - seriously, these 'events' are getting lamer and stupid..I think. BUT, it was such a fucking awesome night! It was a good mixture of drinks, company and off the roof music. The next day was a bit of a struggle... but I pulled through, because I had the Script concert! There wasn't much excitement in heading there.. But I had a feeling it would be good. I know the Script could never let me down. And you know what? The concert was just boss. Sure there was lack of props and unnecessary prancing around the stage - but I still love them. They sang all the right songs and I got my satisfaction on. =)

Pump it!

2011-03-30T22:15:00.005+08:00

I went to a 'Positive Psychology' workshop last night, and it was quite interesting. It gets you thinking about what is happiness and how it can be cultivated rather than 'attained'. Cultivation is the key word this week. I'm trying to cultivate positivity. So In my deliriously positive frame of mind, I agreed to go to Body Attack class again with my colleague. Last time I went, it was 6am and I was not a happy chappy. 6am was not a good time to be pushing myself and giving it my bestest. So I went this evening and I was half-pumped. Pro - I stayed the whole one hour. Last time, I just picked up and left. I decided that picking up and leaving will not be a part of my life and I'm going to persist with these ridiculous classes and hopefully some 'normal' gymming as well. I think, I may have a new love. That is, Tumblr. Am I even allowed to say that whilst blogspotting? Bah, me -ofallpeople- should be far from concerned... Tumblr will be higher maintenance, but prettier I think. And more interesting? I guess the interesting factor comes from me, so..fail. The Script concert is THIS SATURDAY and I'm fucking psyched. It will be awesome - I will be screaming like a TB, silently. . Blogspot con - you are meshing my paragraphs together!

New

2011-03-29T22:47:00.002+08:00

My palms are sweaty and I think I'm nervous. Is it something new?Am I afraid? Or am I just ready? -Neyo - closer.. I just can't stop, I just can't stop..

do you mean it?

2011-03-15T18:02:00.003+08:00

I could do what I do best and bitch about it. But I wont.

Jake Savoretti - Dr. Frankenstein

'Cause it's not where you go when you die
It's how you live when you're alive
Who you touch and how you feel it

And it's not about the time that you have
It's how you cry and how you laugh
Who you love and how you mean it
And do you mean it

I cannot blame anyone but myself for the way you treated me. But I'll let it go and I'll let you go too, even though you weren't mine to begin with. You pierced my heart with my past and you judged me the way friends shouldn't judge. But if you are ?vindicated, then I will let you be.

I will start anew.

my boooooo

2011-03-14T20:27:00.001+08:00

There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
You never see it coming cause
you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me,
it's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby, you will always be my boo

I don't know about y'all
but I know about us and uhh
it's the only way we know how to rock (repeat)

Do you remember girl, who was
the one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl who was the one
who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby

It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo

I loved you when we were younger you were mine
And when I see from time to time I still feel like,
And if I see you no matter how I try to hide
And even though there's another man who's in my life, you will always be my boo

Yes I remember boy, cause after we
kissed I'm never gonna whipe my lips
Yes I remember boy,
that you were the one I would grow old with
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
Boy I was there and you were my baby

It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo

It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
And see from time from time i still feel like(my boo)
See no matter how i try to hide
(it's alright now, it's okay)
even though there's another man in my life
you will always be my boo

My ooh my ohh my ohh my ohh my boo (repeat)

It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright, it's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo

MY OH MY OH MY OH.. MY BOOOOOOO =)

urine

2011-02-27T14:23:00.003+08:00

Dreaming that you are passing urine can simply mean that you need to go to the bathroom, and these dreams can often wake you up. Urine can also symbolise you feelings about emotional control. If you are holding it back, this signifies suppressed emotions. Allowing it to flow symbolises an ability to release your feelings.
Urination is also the body's way of getting rid of toxins or impurities. Dreams about urine can be a reminder to investigate ways of removing yourself from a toxic, or unpleasant situation. Or it can be a message to consider how to recapture a sense of 'purity' in an element of your life.

Oh, oh OH! Dream book - how you pleasantly amuse me with your understanding. I like to hold back my urine, until my stomach hurts and it's really time to get out of bed and I will go. But if I allow it to flow mid-dream, I'm scared I'll pee my pants!

And do you remember? Didn't I tell you about the toxins in my body? And you didn't believe me.. So now, I must cleanse and recapture my purity..

NeYo - Closer
I can feel her on my skin
I can taste her on my tongue
She's the sweetest taste of sin
The more I get the more I want
She wants to own me
Come closer
She says 'come closer'.

Off to the loo to get rid of some toxins =D

If I came

2011-02-21T21:14:00.003+08:00

My soul would've been sold to the devil and you and I would've been fucked over, times infinity. And I would hate you and you would use me until I drown in the sea and sin; used up and torn. And you wouldn't want me anymore and there I lay. Fucked over for the last time.

+sweet release. =) better out than in I say.

12:50am. funny thing is if you think about it. I did come.

J to the A to the Y are you so awesome?

2011-02-13T01:02:00.002+08:00

Hi!

Remember this guy?
周杰伦 when he was super young and achieving huge success. He was sweet.

Now, after ten albums and a few movies in Asia, he's gone Hollywood! I love this only because I've been there at the beginning and watched all this unravel. He's made so much of an impact on society and youth; lame yet quite admirable.

I mean, come on, getting to work with Seth Rogan and Cameron Diaz? He couldn't even speak English properly! I watched Green Hornet tonight and my expectations were surpassed - only because I had quite low expectations of the movie. It was quite funny I must say...

He starred as Kato, the 'sidekick' which was played by Bruce Lee in the old original Green Hornet, so there was pretty big shoes to fill. What I found quite interesting was that he was able to display all his talents and hobbies within the film.

Even though I'm not as big of a fan as I was 10 years ago (YES, THAT LONG), I'm still a little awed by him.. :)

我还是永远支持你，<3

I heart pasta!

2011-02-11T20:50:00.004+08:00

My life is lacking pictures and full of can't-be-fucked-ness. Haha.

That day going to Serpentine with the family was a nice day, even though going to Serpentine was kind of a fail. After the temple we detoured to Mandurah and had lunch and went for a stroll. It was an awesome family day, missing those days when we were young...

Everyone is finally back! YAY I have friends again =P

Even though Noelle came home last Thursday, she still gathered up the party in her to go out on Saturday night! As per usual, we went to Metros (with Ed, Anthony and Deepak). But, that night, Gareth Emery was guest DJ-ing and that really meant fuck to us. AND entry was $20 for the whole night =( I believe it to be a BOSS night though, I didn't even mind the ravers! I think I really got into the music - was kinda trippy and played jokes on my mind.. but I liked it *pedo smile*

I'm craving for Italian food =( Carbsville here I come =(

Oh SHilla tomorroww! Yummy ..ooooookthxbai <3

2011-02-03T16:27:00.003+08:00

新年快乐！万事如意！

Boy, that was hard, typing it on the Netbook. Two days off work for CNY, 'cos I can! I was supposed to do a wardrobe cleanout, but I woke up at 11am and went shopping with mum and dad until 3pm-ish. And we might go to the temple out in Serpentine, so GG cleaning. I might take a nap if I may.. :)

Although I'm not superstitious, I'm going to use my laziness as an excuse not to clean my room and wash my hair.

It's 4.50 in the afternoon - goodnight everybody!

2ne1 - i don't care-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh

2011-01-31T22:28:00.003+08:00

It's funny how I choose to inhibit so much detail, even though this is my space. But this time, I think I'm holding back for different reasons..

**

I'm $400 poorer, because I bought Ed an XBox. Because his friends decided to get him a Kinect (I was going to Google that to see if I got the spelling right, but fk tht). His friends found out that I didn't want Ed to get an XBox (because he has a Wii which he doesn't play with anymore) and thought that if they get him the Kinect, he'll have to get an XBox and I could do nothing about it.

Now read between the lines and guess what I'm feeling.

I never thought I'd care and do such a thing to prove other's wrong. But I guess that's it. So many people I know are adamant that they know themselves and where they would draw the line. But I see so many people erase the line they said they'd never cross. I see people care more than they ever cared even though they said they couldn't give a fuck what happens.

I don't know if this has anything to do with what I'm ranting on about but it's shitting me how much I've heard the words 'I don't care' over the past few months. I've heard 'Seriously! I don't care!' so much that my ears are bleeding. The theory goes - the more you say that you don't care - the more you really fucking care. Maybe I say it and not mean it as well, but when I hear it from others, it's so blatently obvious that they really do care and it annoys me that they think they can hide it with those three words.

We create shields and barriers on the enemy front only to shield out everyone, even our loved ones. And sometimes we end up caring too much for something petty and callow.

Last day of January and we're on our way to February already! Chinese New Year, here we come!!

Have you noticed the blog is filling up with rants again?

when memories get in the way

2011-01-28T23:35:00.003+08:00

So I'm in that mood where I'm reading your blog and I somehow propel myself into the thought of the days when I was still in uni. Can you believe it's been so long?

So I'm reading about numerous mentions, shoutouts and stories. Stories that we all shared once and laughed about and enjoyed. I'm faced with this pain of bringing up the good times which can no longer exist with you. And I ask myself, what went wrong? Although I may know the answers, and it may have been my fault, I still ask that damn question every fucking time you seep into my mind.

I reminisce those days where there were so many opportunities to meet people and I (tried) to put myself out there to be a friendly approachable person. Now I'm set in concrete in my comfort zone where I need not move, change or please people.

And now when you walk by, I'm met by anger, frustration and envy of that smug look on your face. I want that smug look. I don't want that look of desperation where I wish to be your friend again.

I'll leave the door on the latch if you ever come back if you ever come back

Pictures of you, pictures of me

2011-01-27T23:33:00.004+08:00

Pictures! I keep telling myself pictures! is the way to go, it makes the blog more bearable. I was writing earlier, but then it wasn't flowing well and I thought maybe I was in more of a blog frame of mind.

I can't get over this so I need to share - I went to someone's house recently - it was a get-together. And there was this couple. And I never really caught on that they were a very PDA couple. That night, I noticed it especially. Now it's not the sort of PDA that you're thinking of so let me elaborate. Sure there was hugging and (innocent but weird) kissing.. and then there was feet fondling. That, was kind of weird-do-in-your-own-space kind of thing. I guess I didn't think much of it until BOY touched his face with the feet fondling hand and then went to grab a beer and potato chips ~___~. Then we shifted to another part of the house watching videos and we were all sprawled on the floor. This couple used the opportunity to be a bit more intimate and boy lies on girls lap, girl kisses boy's forehead, blah blah puke. Girl then shifts to lie flat on her stomach and I look away and then turn back to find BOY SITTING ON GIRLS BACK. WHAT THE F, because BOY isn't at all on the lean side. The girl squirmed and huffed, suffocating just a little.. and I couldn't bear it anymore and tried to block out their existence. It was all so hard and very uncomfortable for me. And I'm not usually one to be a bitch when it comes to couples and the shit that they do. Fuck, this was just begging me to yell 'Seriously GET A FUCKING ROOM. PLEASE.'

On a more pleasant note, we went to Caroline's housewarming on Australia Day and the apartment was beautiful. Everything about it was so nice except for the entrance which I'm not a fan of, only because it made me feel a tad claustrophobic.

I'm feeling a little dry as of recent. It's hard to explain how.. I've got a feeling..

.

..it's gonna be a little different this year.

Hello, Oh oh ohh ohhh

2011-01-19T22:36:00.004+08:00

When I dream long and extensive dreams that go on and on and on, I know something's wrong.

Sometimes this place makes me feel so sick that I just wanna yell 'get fucked'. I know that I'm a real 该死 kind of person. There's nothing that I truly deserve. This game is too easy, too hard.

Let me tell you about the day things clicked. It was when I met `him... and he followed up. And he told me he liked 'nice girls'. Since then, I think I secretly vowed I'd never be a nice girl. It's true but not true. It's like I'm nice, but not really.

I'd like to think things have changed, but I don't know. I've spiralled into unknown territory and struggling to stay afloat just to see where I am. I'm floating, but where to?

I'm living on Martin Solveig ft. Dragonette - Hello

My Yesstyle batch has shipped and on its way - minimised pores here I come! You know what would be nice? If I spent less money. And then my balance will keep increasing and that would be fucking awesome. Second job anyone?

Yesterdays and tomorrows

2011-01-16T13:59:00.002+08:00

Yesterday seems so far away already and Friday is just a memory - I wonder why time moves the way it does?

I used to imagine that there was too much time and I could do anything - later. Just enjoy what is, now. But when is it really appropriate to enjoy now, and is later ever too late?

I want to go to so many countries but there's so little time. Then I think that I have so much time ahead of me that I need to pace myself because my goals are getting beyond what I am capable of. And then there are friends and other people who you see living life because there is no guarantee of a tomorrow. How do you decide what pace you want to live at?

I know that thinking too much never helps. Sometimes, you need to go where the wind takes you. A cool breeze is always nice, especially with this hot muggy weather.

I wonder if I've been 'thinking' less as I've aged because I blog less often than when I was 19. But my thoughts then were too abstract and all over the place.

6:11pm
Just came home from an afternoon with Ed. We were supposed to go to The Imp Cafe but Ed needed to go to Officeworks so we went to East Perth and Shilla'd the afternoon away. There was nobody there but us and I like that ^^ but Ed is so embarrassing. He says really loudly 'Is it always this empty?' T.T We had some food and later on he asks who the owner is and I point to the young, good looking guy who served us our food. To my embarrassment, yet again, he replies with 'Him?! *disgust in his voice* That young guy? Really??' >.> fmlfmlfmlfml I will be shunned from Shilla if I go again with Ed! Fortunately, he liked the food and mentioned that loudly too.

Mum's birthday, Ed's birthday and Caz's house-warming/Aust Day is coming up, which means I'll be a busybee, buying gifts, booking dinners and being more of a poorbum than I already am.

Totoro's butt

2011-01-15T15:06:00.002+08:00

See my Totoro's butt!

Genuine and made in Japan!

I have to super-duper love my Totoro (which isn't hard I might add) since Ed won't stop reminding me how much it costed him. Yeah, beside the fact that he spent soo much more money just going there and having an AWESOME time. ^^

He also got me this:

It wasn't locked when he gave it to me because he wanted to let me do it. *click* heart is LOCKED FOREVERRRRRR *dun dun dunnnnn* LOL

We went to the newly renovated Atrium with Janistair on Thursday and I did NOT eat my money's worth. Very very disappointing. My dress was constricting my breathing AND eating so I was dieing at the table whilst everyone was laughing and checking out girls with nice butts and open-back dresses.

Last night I went to Friday drinks for once with colleagues for post-birthday celebrations. We went to Andaluz which was its usual atmosphere but it was made awesome with my colleagues. We then hopped our way to The George and then all the way to Northbridge to go to Harry's Bar but I didn't stay long after that and went home. It was funny the way a few of them reacted to the 'tipsy Lisa' because I'm usually so quiet at work. That's why these people love Friday drinks. And just to make it interesting, that's why I don't go often. But definitely a fun night.

Remember

2011-01-12T22:20:00.002+08:00

Just remember.. be thankful you have a bed to sleep in, be thankful of your dry clothes. Be thankful of the food you ate tonight and be thankful for a hot shower.

And just before you rage about how shit Perth is (as we ALL do), be thankful that our houses aren't flooded and take some time to think about the hard times Queensland people are going through.

Out with the old and in with the New year 2011

2011-01-02T22:53:00.003+08:00

Happy New Year everyone!

As I said last year, what a year it was and what a year it will be, once again. =)

I think we always try to make sure we keep on track with our lives by making these 'new year's resolutions', but I find that making them is just like telling mum I will tidy up my room. We know it will never happen. And even if it does, it will just go back to being untidy anyway.

I made a few personal resolutions for 2010, which ended up EPIC FAIL. Sooo epic that it was destructive to my id, ego, values and soul. Well, that is how I feel. But that's ok, because I accept my failures. I accept all the wrong doings and I feel that I will learn from them. If I don't get my forgiveness and second-chances, then I will accept, c'est la vie.

Looking back on my Jan 1 2010 post, I realised that I proved myself wrong with a theory I concocted. I said that since I started the year off chillaxed, the year ahead would be chillaxed also and I was quite wrong. I partied more than I expected to. And things were personally intense. So there was not much chillaxing.

But that's ok. I wont be making many resolutions this year, well not big ones anyway. I will let it slide and see what happens.

But one thing is for sure: out with the old -

...and in with the new!

My old yucky shoes look rank, but they were very precious to me. They didn't cost me much but they went through so much with me. They had their last trip during Melbourne where they took on soo much for me. So I decided to let them go and treat myself to the Tony Bianco's which I had my eye on since day 1 of our Melbourne trip.

****

So hopefully, things will go smoothly and good. I hope I'll make the right decisions and not hurt the id, ego, self and soul and somehow regain my beliefs, morales and integrity. Oh integrity, where art thou, integrity...

So fly

2010-12-22T20:27:00.002+08:00

There's never a good time to blog anymore. It's too early, too late. Not enough photo's, too many photos and then I can't be fucked. Too much to say, nothing to write. Too many thoughts, and no words to describe the feeling.

Why is it sometimes, I feel like I had it right; and now I'm back where I started so many years ago? It's just like when you had them figured.. and then they go and pull one over your eyes, and everything you thought you understood just doesn't make sense anymore.

You

2010-12-11T01:31:00.003+08:00

I'm sad to say I'm disappointed in you. You said you'd upload the photos and they never appear. Why do you always make promises you never keep? The year is coming to an end and it has yet been a year of many lessons learned. Despite all the disappointments, there has also been some simple moments, moments I wished I could remember, but all I can retain are the ones I need to remember. And remember what the lesson that was learned. I have also learned a lot about myself and I look into myself to see so many doors. So many questions and so many 'why's. I see so many truths hidden amongst so many lies. I've achieved so much this year, yet have lost so much of myself. Have I given up the essence of my nature to become a capitalistic whore? Have we spiralled into the decadence of our youth culture, pop culture and who the fuck knows what else? Have you forgotten to be thankful for a roof over your head, food on your table and people who love you? Grow the fuck up and stop playing games. It's time to realise that you don't have time. You need goals, you need rules, you need a road and not take the road less travelled; for it was less travelled for a reason. Damnit, Frost.

no title

2010-11-23T21:39:00.000+08:00

What a day. Fuck.

Melbourne moments

2010-11-21T15:18:00.006+08:00

Please find a short clip from Melbourne HERE!

(It's unlisted so don't worry) The buzz is from the phone receiving a text. It is not ME buzzing or DUCKS QUACKING. Really. Blogger sucks when having to upload vids.

I went to Ed's dedication ceremony yesterday and it was quite good. It was definitely a milestone. I was moved that him and his friends (some of them are my friends toooo >.<) have finally graduated after 6 years of studying medicine. Now they'll be 'working hard' and practising medicine!

Things are moving along smoothly with the house and tenant so far. I've also got financing under control and now I have absolute control! Mwahahaha... It's my own little milestone ^^

Just earlier before I went to get mum some cold/flu medicine and the pharmacist asked me if I was still 'in school'. She was this nice young (honkie) lady who I assume was just being nice/polite/nosey. But I couldn't help but feel insulted! I scoffed and said 'Actually, I've finished my studies for a while now,' and she asked where I was working now. I now officially find it uncomfortable when people ask me where I work. As per my code of conduct (BAHAHHAHA) it shouldn't be necessary for us to disclose where we work, for purposes that some terrorist might want to hold me for ransom/kill me, which would look BAD for the department. So I mumbled something and ran. So working where I work has it's cons sometimes.

The end of the year is approaching, I can't help but state this obvious! I just can't believe it's flown by.. oh! I gave Ed his 3 year anniversary present. Glad to say he loved it >.<

别忘了我吧。。。

2010-11-14T22:45:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry for the neglect. I'm sorry for not being there for you. It's been so long...

There are so many things to learn in this world and in this life that we are given. The life is given to you for a reason and somethings, I believe, need to be tackled alone. This is why we all have secrets. But humans don't work 'alone'. We like the idea of companionship and that is why we confide with others our secret.

+A sullen afternoon+ When I go a whole month without blogging, I've had more thoughts than the blog could handle. In my current phase of life, it doesn't mean that I've been too busy to blog, but to LAZY to blog. Lazy is the word I use to describe my life right now. Nothing is more important than being lazy.

October was filled with a few rare night-out's and Noelle's Melbourne birthday trip. Melbourne has taught us a lot about each other, ourselves and I guess it kind of brought us closer, somewhat. I learned most about myself though.

Novemer is breezing through faster than I want it to. Soon the family will be going to Melbourne for a couple of days and Ed will be going to Japan-HK until January next year. It will be another Christmas/New Year's without Ed.

I'm already feeling somewhat, alone?

I'll put some photo's up later, and maybe when I feel happier, I put some videos up too.. stay strong :)

30stm - closer to the edge...

2010-09-26T15:52:00.005+08:00

Med Ball 2010!

Getting ready for it was definitely more fun than the event itself. Venue was nice, food was below spectacular, dessert was yuck and music was horrible.

But I was just excited about the new haircut ^^ Though this will be the (first?) last time you see me with short hair cos next on the list is long curly hair!! And my hair is finally au'naturale - jet black! Yay. For healthy hair. Mum hates the bob - says it's too 50's. What does she know!

Oh, pro of the night - handsome guys in suits! >.< *blood nose* wait.. do girls even get blood noses for perving??!?! LAWLS

Augustus

2010-09-15T22:14:00.002+08:00

WoW. Can actually be bothered with pics. These are mostly August pictures..

My birthday cake made by Edmond.. it was pretty cool!! @___@ even though he cheated with the icing..

Some purchases... (and gifts)

And my awesome Wongfu shirt!!! It says, Technology ruins romance. You'd have to watch their short films to understand this. It's soo good. =) Happy days cos Spring is coming, and Ed is back in a week!

Daniel Henney less than three

2010-09-03T21:46:00.004+08:00

Shilla Cafe: 2 September 2010

Even though I picked on so many of the small negative's of THIS night, it was still SO frickin' awesome to own this picture.

And I'm glad we didn't miss out.

We met Daniel Henney <3

These days

2010-08-29T11:50:00.003+08:00

Hey gangstas >_~`

I've been having a frustrating weekend, what with cancelling all my outings and events and being held prisoner in my own room coughing my lungs out and eating porridge which I made. I wouldn't even know if it tastes good or bad because my taste buds have gone MIA as well. SO all this negative-ness has made me quite emo and guess who's copping it all? That's right.. Ed, all the way in Esperance. Poor thing, he thought he was doing good when I was in a slightly good mood and then something happened and all of a sudden I was the black cloud with lightning. I'msuchabitch>.<

Speaking of bitchiness, as I've been cursing this cold weather.. it just hit me that we're at the end of winter. It was just about to go and I've gone and ruined the last few days of winter. I'm so sorry winter, I do love your rainy days sometimes. Even the cold crispy air on a slightly sunny day. .

And keeping me busy and entertained is (re)new(ed) found love for Wongfu Productions. Went through a crap load of their shorts, random clips and WFW and it made me feel slightly better..slightly because it made me sad that there's so much talent out there, and I'm not one of them. But anyway, whilst watching one of their weekend sessions, they were photoshooting a new shirt which was the post-production from one of their shorts. And I had a sudden urge to buy it. Which I did. Just like that.

I can happily justify my online clothes shopping with the fact that it's cheap and I don't go out shopping much anyway. My recent YS purchase came and it's kind of nice. Much ironing to be done though -__- I have a black-maxi-see-through dress, boo I don't know how to pull that off.

Photo's have been missing in these couple of posts, mainly because I've stopped taking photos and uploading photos from the vivaz is annoying tedious.

teehee: Bigbang - Strong baby_ crack! crack! crack! crack!

omg. listening to Bigbang at work is dangerous....

One Winter's night

2010-08-22T02:20:00.002+08:00

Came home early tonight from a Saturday night out. It was a cosy catch up with Kim and Caroline.. and Alistair but I had already seen him the night before. The only downside was that it was a rainy night and how close I was to bailing because I would have rather be rugged up in my bed. That and I was already in bed after dinner anyway. I had two naps today - talk about granny-ing it.

Going out at night isn't the same as it used to be. Firstly, I have nothing to wear. Nothing that is suitable for a Saturday night out anymore.. and I just want to feel comfortable anyway which means dress boring. That and I just want to go to Metros cos it's the only cool place which I feel at home. But then maybe it won't be the same since the last visit was Allied Health 0_O

But yeah, unsocialising is the way to describe the phase I'm going through at the moment. It feels like less interaction with people equals less problems.

Another week of work to get through and I'm trying to think positive - I can do it. Next weekend I have Huiling's going away.. oh no! And Ed is going to Esperance on Tuesday T.T .. or =D ..teehee. loveyoub

23

Free

2010-08-17T22:58:00.003+08:00

I've realised it's been 2 and a half months since I wrote in the diary, so I panicked and came to check h.e.r. Only to find that 16 days lapsed.

16 days.

I'm learning. I'm doing it and it's never been more liberating. Learning to let go. It doesn't matter as much as it used to, and hence it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.

When you fall back into old patterns, you don't use the pain to propel yourself forward; you use the future to pull you towards a better state of mind where everything is a clean slate and every encouter is a new experience.

The random tears have come back, but they're now empty tears.

Flower tea

2010-08-01T13:51:00.003+08:00

I had the longest supper of my life last night and the worst temptation to go to Metros. But promised Ed I wouldn't. And I didn't. *beams*

An hour of supper and a whole lotta tea, I guess it was good to wash away all that fatty fat food. And we didn't even get to bed until 4am. How lame is that. I think we really need our sleep these days.

*a couple hours later*

It's hard for me to finish just a simple post in one go. It usually stays unfinished for a very long time and I came back from (literally) afternoon tea with the girls, and had dinner and here I am.

Interesting thought, I'm sitting here ready to watch 500 Days of Summer which I rented from the video store, and I was reading the blurb and it goes like this:

This is a story about a boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl doen't believe in love. Tom, the boy, still believes, even in this cynical modern world, in the notion of a transforming, lightning-strikes-once kind of love. Summer, the girl, doesn't. But that doesn't stop Tom from going after her, again and again, like a modern Don Quixote, with all his might and courage.

Well. It's Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and the boy-girl thing makes ME look like one of my blog posts are lame. I'm intrigued with this movie, especially when it was a GUY who recommended it to me.

I will let you guys know how it went.

fucked up

2010-07-31T10:49:00.002+08:00

I was so bored last night that I cried my eyes out and pissed Edmond off.

I've just read 2 years worth of someone elses life and am no closer to understanding anything.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

now

2010-07-30T23:51:00.003+08:00

[x] smoked a cigarette
[ ] crashed a friend's car
[ ] stolen a car
[x] been in love
[ ] been dumped
[x] shoplifted
[ ] been fired
[ ] been in a fist fight,cat fight or swearing fight
[ ] snuck out of your parent's house
[x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[ ] been arrested
[ ] gone on a blind date
[x] lied to a friend
[x] skipped school
[ ] seen someone die
[ ] had a crush on one of your internet friends
[x] been on a plane
[ ] purposely set a part of yourself on fire
[x] eaten Sushi
[ ] been skiing/snowboarding
[ x] met someone in person from the internet
[x] been moshing at a concert
[x] love someone or miss someone right now
[x] laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
[ ] made a snow angel
[ x] had a tea party
[x] flown a kite
[x] built a sand castle
[x] gone puddle jumping
[x] played dress up
[ ] jumped into a pile of leaves
[ ] gone sledding
[x] cheated while playing a game
[x] been lonely
[x] fallen asleep at work
[x] fallen asleep at school
[ ] used a fake id
[x] watched the sun set
[ ] felt an earthquake
[ ] touched a snake
[x] slept beneath the stars
[x] been tickled
[x] been robbed
[x] been misunderstood
[ ] petted a reindeer
[ ] petted a goat
[ ] won a contest
[x] run a red light
[ ] been suspended from school
[x] been in a car accident
[ ] had braces
[ ] eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
[x] had deja-vu
[ ] danced in the moonlight
[x] liked the way you look
[ ] witnessed a crime
[x] questioned your heart
[x] been obsessed with post-it notes
[x] squished barefoot through the mud
[x] been lost
[ ] been to the opposite side of the country
[x] swam in the ocean
[x] felt like dying
[x] cried yourself to sleep
[x] played cops and robbers
[ ] recently colored with crayons
[x] sang karaoke
[x] paid for a meal with only coins
[x] done something you told yourself you wouldn't
[ ] made prank phone calls
[x] laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
[ ] caught a snowflake on your tongue
[ ] danced in the rain
[x] written a letter to Santa Claus
[ ] been kissed under the mistletoe by your significant other
[x] watched the sun rise
[x] blown bubbles
[x] made a bonfire on the beach
[x] crashed a party
[x] gone rollerskating
[x] had a wish come true
[ ] worn pearls
[ ] jumped off a bridge
[ ] ate dog food.
[ ] ate cat food.
[ ] told a complete stranger you loved them.
[ ] kissed a mirror
[x] sang in the shower
[x] had a dream that you married someone
[ ] glued your hand to something
[ ] got your tongue stuck to anything
[ ] kissed a fish or a frog
[x] sat on a roof top
[x] screamed at the top of your lungs
[ ] have done a one-handed cartwheel
[x] talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
[x] stayed up all night
[ ] didnt take a shower for a week
[ ] pick and ate an apple right off the tree
[ ] climbed a tree
[ ] had a tree house
[x] afraid to watch scary movies alone
[ ] worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others would say
[ ] gone streaking
[ ] gone doorbell ditching
[ ] played chicken
[ ] been pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on
[ ] broken a bone
[x] been easily amused
[x] caught a fish
[x] ate a fish
[ ] caught a butterfly
[x] laughed so hard you cried
[x] cried so hard you laughed
[x] cheated on a test
[x] have/had a Britney Spears CD
[x] forgotten someones name
[x] Braided someones hair
[ ] gone skinny dipping in a pool/lake
[x] been threatened to be kicked out of your house
[x] been kicked out of your house
[ ] been pushed into the snow w/ shorts on
[x] wondered if the person you like still likes you
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger
[x] I have more than 2 piercings
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears
[ ] I have freckles.
[x] Taken pain killers.

judge.ment

2010-07-29T20:50:00.003+08:00

Who's game enough to say they DON'T judge a book by its cover? Everything these days is about the packaging and it's not only when you like the package do you start to study what's really inside the package...

Sometime's you get stuck with the shit stuff. Like, good looking chocolate with gross innards.

In regards to people, judging is all we will do and all we will ever do. People will judge the way you dress, the way you look, the way you speak and the way you whatever the heck else. It's merely a matter of how you take that judgement and spin in into good use or make white noise of it. Judgement only hurts when it hits the heart; when it comes from someone you love or when it strikes the one thing you so believed in yourself about.

Then you'd have to ask yourself what are you doing that makes all this judgement affect you (omg i dont know the difference between affect effect >.<).

I'm done

2010-07-28T15:39:00.004+08:00

I destest what this blog has become.

And maybe sometimes, I just detest what I've become.

No, wait, I have always been a bitch.

Every now and then, the past catches up with you and you wonder; do I still care about you? Do I really need to remember the days which have past and the days you are living now?

To be honest, maybe I'm just jealous that we've become a thing of the past and I wish that we could hit things off first hand rather than passing it through third and fourth hand from hearsay.

I'm working my weekdays and chilling on weekends. It's not like when I used to be in uni, and work, study and play rolled together as one. My friends and I always had something to do, fun to look forward to. Now, even when there's fun to look forward to, it's not as ecstatic as it used to be. It's good, but we're not young anymore. AND that is not to admit I'm old. Because I'm only 22 for christ sakes.

These days, I feel like I'm waiting. I'm always waiting for something and I'm not sure what it is.

Am I waiting for something good or something bad? I'm always waiting for the weekend. I'm currently waiting for a dress I bought from Sakura Moda. I'm waiting to see if my contract will be extended, or made permanent for that fact. I'm waiting for a better (permanent) job to come by. I'm waiting for my 23rd. I'm waiting for October to arrive so I can go to Melbourne already.

Or I'm just waiting for my future in general. I feel as if I just want to get things over and done with. I'm retiring from drama. I've been there done that. Or maybe I'm already done and this is my done period. Maybe I'm not waiting for anything. I just need to establish this new 'done' phase of life.

I'm done.

~Listening to: Miss A - Bad Girl Good Girl

You don't know me, you don't know me. Shut up boy. Shut up boy.

haters

2010-07-24T03:22:00.000+08:00

AND shimmycocopuff can suck balls cos he's fucked.

not my style

2010-07-24T02:14:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I hate that stupid princess blogger bitch.

Sure, she entertains me with her everything. But who gives her the right to be... righteous and talk about that bullshit about what is wrong and right?

She's such a stupid piece of boring Singaporean shitface blogger who has nothing to do. What 'good' has she done for the world? What has she given back to society? All she does is blog and scam free stuff - take and no give.

She can go fucking preach to the cows because she does NOT have my respect.

Fuckinguglyshitfaceprincess.

Come away with me

2010-07-18T14:37:00.002+08:00

作詞：蔡旻佑
作曲：蔡旻佑

人來人往的世界
可以讓我去找誰

人來人往的世界
可以讓我去找誰
沒有理由就遇見
That`s what I say

你和我眼神交會
不需要任何語言
絕對存在著絕對
Cause I

自然而然因你而笑得開懷
那存在感不是隨便一個誰就能取代
命運使然非此不可的安排
就這樣跟著我相信我

Oh hey!
請把你的手交給我
請你不要害羞
跟我一起點點頭
這屬於我們的節奏

Oh hey!
請你跟著我的律動
請你一起放鬆
完美互動這一刻
相信我們都會永遠記得

人來人往的世界
可以讓我去找誰
沒有理由就遇見
That`s what I say

你和我眼神交會
不需要任何語言
絕對存在著絕對
Cause I

自然而然因你而笑得開懷
那存在感不是隨便一個誰就能取代
命運使然非此不可的安排
就這樣跟著我相信我

Oh hey!
請把你的手交給我
請你不要害羞
跟我一起點點頭
這屬於我們的節奏

Oh hey!
請你跟著我的律動
請你一起放鬆
完美互動這一刻
相信我們都會永遠記得

這完美的一刻

Oh hey!
請把你的手交給我
請你不要害羞
跟我一起點點頭
這屬於我們的節奏

Oh hey!
請你跟著我的律動
請你一起放鬆
完美互動這一刻
相信我們都會永遠記得

Oh hey!
請把你的手交給我
請你不要害羞
跟我一起點點頭
這屬於我們的節奏

Oh hey!
請你跟著我的律動
請你一起放鬆
完美互動這一刻
相信我們都會永遠記得

Hey 請把你的手交給我請你不要害羞

I was cool, I was infallible.

2010-07-13T11:30:00.003+08:00

What makes you think someone is cool?

Is it because they know the trends and how to fit in with the crowd?

Or is it because they're different and they can do what ever they want because people's judgements don't effect them?

I always thought that whatever was in was cool. I always wanted to be different but I didn't know how. I couldn't follow the crowd because they always moved too fast. I couldn't do something different because I couldn't pluck up the courage to take a different route.

I just didn't know myself to be able to form my own opinion.

SATCII

2010-07-10T20:25:00.003+08:00

I went to watch Sex and the City II on Friday night. I was never a fan until.. well, I actually can't remember if I watched the first movie before or after the entire series. What makes the series interesting is their aspect on relationships and how it's pretty much all the same whether you're 16, 25 or 37.

So after seeing Carrie's progression with her love life, it was actually quite a tear jerker for me in the second movie. I cried at the most obscene times, I really don't think the movie was that sad. But it was like I was trying to empathise. Now I'm watching the series again. Reminiscing.

Why do we put ourselves through the past if it causes us so much pain? Is it worth it to remember how it was then, even though a bitter ending was the outcome of it? Is the pain supposed to remind us not to make the same mistake?

Infidelity

2010-07-07T20:30:00.004+08:00

Finally, a little light at the end of the tunnel; the department is offering the chance for permanancy and here we go again on the stupid ride called 'Write up a selection fucking criteria'.

Anyway, so I'm watching a new series called Pretty Little Liars. I must say I do like it, but something tells me it's because I missed out on Gossip Girls, so I'm subconciously making it up with this series. But no, I really like it, regardless how stupid and materialistic their world is.

One of the topics is infidelity where one of the girls' dad had an affair with his students. The current situation is that their family have just moved back into town after going abroad for a year. The wife 'doesn't know' about the ordeal, but the daughter does. And now that they're back in town, she's worried her dad might strike up the fire again. In one of the ep's, he tried to explain why he got himself into the situation and he rambled on how you can't stop your emotions and they got the best of him.

If he's a guy and he can't help his emotions, well then girls, we're simply fucked.

Putting aside the fact that he is married and committed to monogamy; how is it that you can simultaneous love two people (relationship-wise)? Why succumbs us to cheating and adultery?

People are just getting bored to easily and too fast and the game of cheating is by far a much better game than monopoly. Especially when you involve sex and lust.

A little flirt here and there is all it takes and the next thing you know you're in the woods doing dirty dirty things.

So how do you explain that you are still in love with someone else and adultery is just another game you play like high stakes poker and Russian roulette? How do you explain that you're a thrill seeker and an excitement junkie? How is it that our species have come up with something like adultery or even something like monogamy to make adultery bad? If humans are so carnal, then why are such acts so condemned?

Just a thought...

I will tell you one thing. The amount of bullshit people I have to put up with is ridiculous. Old people, young people, loud people, proud people, arrogant fuckfaced people. It's completely wearing me down.

I'm also attempting to place a ban intake of alcoholic substances into my body. Will. see. how. long. I. survive..

*drops dead*

Save tonight, fight the break of dawn

2010-06-27T00:10:00.004+08:00

It's not a mystery: if you learn to let go, then you also learn to move on.

But we are only human and we succeed to fail. Because if moving on means to get on with life, then who's the fail-human who invented pictures? Better yet, why did God fail and give us memories?

With every rule, there is a loop hole. With every mistake, there should be forgiveness.

I'm not sure why I am, but I'm surprised how much memories Facebook contains. And if the memories are in the form of photos, then they come in form of people. Others would sometimes call these people, friends.

I look back and remember all the people who've passed through into my life, those blessed enough to know me. I got to know them all for a reason. They've all impacted me in some sort of way. Sometimes I surprise myself to have actually met all the people I have, and then I think back to when I lost them and how it happened.

Facebook helps triggers memories of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the oh so hot. And you will always and forever stumble on someone you miss. I remember the ways things were then: they were good, even if only for a little while. And I see things now: that day we walked different paths and ended up where we are now. It's like, you never even got to be my superman. Then I start to wonder about what if's and turn my head into a little mess of bullshit thoughts. It makes you think how fucked peoples' lives were and that it wasn't YOU who changed their life. It's funny how different everything would be if we chose that other path, that other road, that other everything.

Maybe I was never the realist that I set out to be. It was just a facade to mask my stupidity. How I thought I knew it all. I thought I saw through it all and that I was street smart - HARDCORE. Fuck, do you even know me at all? Do you remember the stupid girl panics when I got into little girl situations and waited for someone to save me? Then something happened, someone happened? I lost a little and gained a little bit more. Alcohol gives you confidence you wouldn't believe. So I made it my best friend. And the one thing I couldn't live without. Alright I lie. Or not. But with it came good music and gorgeous people. Alright alright! Dramatic much? But yeah. Go figure: K+A+HF= badabababa.i'mlovingit!

OK you know what? I'm so over this post.

来来玩儿

2010-06-20T00:05:00.002+08:00

Our Saturday afternoon.

6月19日，晴。心情有好也有不好。我觉得做人一天比一天困难。每一个早上想要起床都懒惰。今天又跟 Noelle 去 Shilla 咖啡店。我们每一次去到那个地方就会一直发白日梦。如果生活是那么简单就有多好。

今晚没有去玩好像有点浪费，但是我现在的生活应该就是呆在家里这样下去。没有什么大不了，我应该玩得够了。有时想要去玩都懒。尤其现在的晚上冷的很。

明天是星期日，后天又要上班了 - T.T - 闷死我吧。

表妹今天结婚，希望从今天开始她和表妹夫有好日子过。。恭喜。

When I lost you I lost myself.

2010-06-18T23:54:00.004+08:00

It's only the first month of winter and I'm not taking it in so well. Rain is nice sometimes, but not when you work full time and have to deal with public transport.

Fortunately I'm lazy and have been driving to work the entire week.

So this laziness which I always dote on as one of my strong unchangeable habits; it's not something to be proud of is it?

Especially when it hinders great prospects.. I wonder why I let it get the most of me. It has of recent, made me feel so disappointed in myself, which is the worst disappointment, because if I can let myself down, then what hope is there for having faith in others? I'm not sure if I understand what I'm saying there...

I lay there in bed, trying to get to sleep and wonder why I let the chance of salvaging hope slip by. I wonder why I gave up so easily. It never occurred to me that I was a fighter, because the moment that I let it go, I also let go a piece of myself.

So call me dramatic, because I am, but I just feel awful. I've betrayed myself, of all people. I scared myself by thinking, do I really give up this easily? Could I give up life this easily too? It's all too simple to let go of the ropes. There is no struggle, there is no what if.

It just means that I was undeserving. I did not deserve the opportunity because I did not ask, what if?

Do you try, or do you let it all just slip by? Do you watch chance linger and drift away, far enough for you to decide that chance is beyond reach, because you are too lazy to pursue?

I wish I learned my lesson and snap out of this bad dream. I wish I wasn't so happy with this sin of mine and start to be pro-active. I know it's already half way through the year, but I want to make the latter half a good one. One where I can say I succeeded to be a little less lazy - I work in baby steps.

My music is currently taking me back to Evan Yo volume One. And I remember.

I remember when I used to say, 我可以.

There has just got to be better days. And better ways.

Love

2010-06-05T01:01:00.004+08:00

Love is...

... the best and worst thing that could ever happen to someone. It involves nobody other than the ones in love. It is a new world created amongst the loved ones and it is as powerful as anyone could imagine.

It may change people, but change isn't necessarily a bad thing. It isn't always accepted by everyone, because it interfers with other circles of love. It doesn't matter who your loved one is: a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, your family, we change and better ourselves for them.

Love is a test. It's not always easy to keep your hands on. It's like water; unless you find something to retain it, it will slip through your fingers. Sometimes you think you can do without, but it always comes in handy. Some people take love for granted. They learn the hard way by losing love when creating havoc to which they knew the conclusion. Others suffocate the love and suppress all the joys that should come with love and instead of letting the love bloom, they drown it with too much water.

Love has always been hard for me. I've struggled with coming to terms with love for friends, or choosing whether or not to love them. I've changed myself happily for different people in the different phases of my life. My life wouldn't be what is has been if it weren't for my loved ones who've come and gone.

Life would not have been so sweet without my family.

But love has always been a struggle to maintain and uphold. Love is when you feel their pain. Love is when you feel their anger. Love is basking in their happiness.

Love isn't counting the days you've loved, but just loving.

30 months and not counting, B. >.<

ready or not - cascada

2010-06-01T21:27:00.003+08:00

Thinking again...

I'm thinking about how boys and girls can't be friends. It plays on me while the situation dances around me. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy wants girl to be his GIRLFRIEND. So where does he start? By being her friend.

This is when the game starts. We'll play nice and everyone gets 100 points to start with. It's because we're optimistic right? We'll play our best game.

Boy plays nice, caring, concerned and the formula is basically 'friend+something extra'. Depending on the girl and what her stance is, she will need to tread carefully. Because as much as boys want to be big and strong, they also have fragile hearts. The male species are very narrow minded. It isn't a bad thing because their narrow-mindedness means they don't get into stupid 'arguments' that girls get into. Nevertheless, the boy will think two ways; if she is nice to me, it means she likes me. If she isn't, then she doesn't like me. But even if she doesn't, it doesn't mean I have to give up. That's fine, really, to think like that...

...but the underlying problem here is the 'friend+something extra'. Because the boy never really saw her as a friend. He would never care if it weren't for the fact that he likes girl. He would never go the extra mile for girl just 'as a friend'. And maybe he's not in the position to do so and it's hard for boy to smile and say 'hi' to the girl and pretend that everything is OK.

But during the time that the girl thought she had a friend, she has now lost that friend. Sure, at the end of the game, the boy has lost, but who's keeping score?

Because losing a friend means losing the game anyway.

Sunday sunny skies

2010-05-30T15:58:00.003+08:00

Whilst it's 2 days from winter, this may be the last sunny day we'll get. And I'm sitting in my room with the windows open and looking at the blue skies wondering why I'm here and not there.

I never know how to savour the moment and be thankful of many things, which I should. I can prove that to you by telling you I slept 'til 1.30pm today and only managing to do my laundry at 3.30pm. And, I've also managed to get through three quarters of Down with Love. Sigh.

Life's like this: am I supposed to make the most of the time I have when I'm not working? And what does this mean 'making the most of it'? I'm remembering the times that uni took up most of our times...

Again and again - 2PM

2010-05-24T00:06:00.004+08:00

Everything seems to be whirling into deju vu. But at the same time the situations and outcomes are all different. Some of it involve me and some of it doesn't.

It's making life crazy scary and I'm doing things that I know I shouldn't but... just makes life easier. Should I give up my job because somebody shits me? It's not like I love the place. I love my salary, that's what it is. Never will I ever earn this much in my life, I feel. No true qualification or intellect or gift of any sort...

Sometimes, I feel like playing mother. I want to look out for loved ones, make sure they're doing the right thing. And to set peace amongst us all. But it's not always my place. I shouldn't always try to be the good guy because I always just turn bad. Get emo. Start shouting at the wrong people.

It's not fair how easy some things can be but we just make it complicated, for fuck sakes.

I'm sick of this 'I'm so old' crap. It's bullshit and you're bullshit.

Bumping into what used to be good company is meant to be a good thing. But it has just reminded me of what fucktards some people can be. Fuck you, fuck ev erything. Now is not a good place to be, now is not a good time to talk to me. Actually don't talk to me, period.

Decided to be a bitch so fucking deal with it.

Tell me if you see kay

2010-05-19T20:58:00.002+08:00

..If you see Kay.. get it? The Script are genius'.

Below are pictures of love-at-first-sight with Shilla Cafe..

Our fail bench-in-the-way timer shot.

The his and her house.

I've had too much time to think these days and I feel like a fool. I keep thinking about the bad things I've done in the past. I can't see how I deserve what I have today. I woke up in the middle of the night one time, I felt so dirty and ashamed of all the stupidness, the selfish acts and it made me so sick. Then, I just started to slap myself. It didn't even feel like I was hitting myself because it felt so deserving so I made it harder and harder each time. I literally slapped myself silly until I couldn't feel my right cheek and the salty tears fell down face, trickling into my mouth.

The heart felt a little lighter. I think I fell alseep straight away. But I still hate myself sometimes.

I'm stuck

2010-05-17T22:25:00.002+08:00

Is this an end to an era? The world I used to know...

I realise that I can't force myself to blog, especially when I don't FEEL like blogging. The outcome is just plain crap boring posts. So many times these few weeks, I've started writing and just end up scrapping it because I'm blogging about something completely stupid. That or it started off a good idea, but I'm just too retarded to put it down articulately. Or just even properly in my case.

But nevertheless, I was driving home from work today and was, not surprisingly, stuck in peak traffic. But it was ok because I had old school Jay songs with me ^^. I don't really mind slow traffic sometimes.. unless I'm supposed to be somewhere at a certain time, hahaha. But I remember a Sydneyan telling me that our slow traffic was nothing compared to theirs. So, who are we to complain? But then again.. people just complain regardless. It also reminded me of another time - when I was in Penang for Christmas back in... 2006, I think. We were heading back from the countdown and bar hopping and traffic was just craptastic. It was soo slow that when we were driving past the hawkers, my cousin got out of the car and went to get us some satays - and we only moved about 3 cars distance! It was funny and made the ride a little less boring. So I sat there stuck in traffic this arvo and slowly drove past the petrol station.. wondering if I could pull off getting out of my car and getting some snacks. O____O Isn't that a GRAND idea??

May Day

2010-05-09T22:48:00.003+08:00

Happy Mother's Day ><

I was supposed to blog earlier, with photo's but by the time I got around to taking the pictures off the Vivaz, I'd already decided CBB.

When we always talk about being bitches and being disliked by mainstream society, I think we never really took it all too seriously as to how it would feel if we were to be hated.

Cos it sure isn't a Whatever-attitude. Especially when dealing with it on a 5 day a week basis... it cramps the working style and makings everything seem frustrating to deal with. And I sometimes think about what I did wrong, yes, I may have been wrong, but the underlying reasons for this situation don't add up and I'm not the culprit. So much for laying low because I have done exactly that and landed myself in this situation. I just have to accept the fact that I'm suey. So I've made it to be with my friends more because it is them who I would rather be around more - the people who I look forward to seeing after a hard day's work, the people who care. So I need to get over this and accept that there's some things you can't change and I'm not ready to clarify the issues, because as far as I'm concerned, this colleague wouldn't be my friend in a chance.

This little situation helped me to start looking for jobs, since June isn't too far away.. and I'm not so certain there's a permanent position for me where I'm at now... who knew contracting sucked so much.

On a more spontaneous note, Noelle and I booked tickets to Melbourne. It really wasn't spontaneous since we were just trying to suss out the right time to purchase tickets, but now it's done and hopefully it will all go smoothly..

So another week ahead, life goes on, trying to find the light - which is Friday, the end to the week.

L

Fuckdamncrap

2010-04-25T22:11:00.003+08:00

Yours truly is still in this fuckdamncrap mood. This long weekend was not long at all. Sigh.

After Allied, I attended Jam Fest which was quite awesome in it's own way. Firstly, it was definitely much less insane compared to Future MF. And it was especially helpful to know more than 50% of the music and songs there. Mish and I sat the first half and then went down to the floor for the second half. Luckily it wasn't excessively wild down there and it was great. Loved it.

Work has been tough these few weeks and I've been staying 'til the sun goes down. And by then it gets scary and dark.

I finally got my SE Vivaz. It's kinda cool. At first I was all noob and 'I hate this shit! New technology can go kiss my ass! Give me back my buttons!!!', but now it's getting a little better.

Allied Health 2010

2010-04-24T21:00:00.005+08:00

Allied has come and gone, and it has left many of us with a nostalgic feeling.

Needless to say, this year's Allied was great. Epic, almost. There were many good moments from the night ranging from old feelings, new feelings, proud feelings and alcoholic feelings. I think there were definitely less friends in the house that night, but luckily that didn't effect much.

Pictures less taken - although I didn't take any the first time around... To be honest with you, I'm finding it hard to actually explain the night as "well" as I did before. Things happened, but I guess not to me as such so my story would be rather fragmented.

We had our post-Allied de-brief and it was very limited to the amount of feelings shared compared to all the other times. Maybe it's the age thing again. Although I don't like to talk about the 'getting old' business anymore, I think we share less of our emotions as we age. It's more like recognising the naivety of our feelings and we become a little more embarrassed to speak of the petty emotion.

Allied Health never really played a part in my life yet I fail to understand why I can't detach myself away from it all. Something wants me to hold on to this feeling for just a little longer, because letting go means letting go of.. of what?

That night, I learnt how to say no to what I would've said yes. To (more) drinks, to stupidity, to idiots...wait, how many drinks did I have? Ok, maybe not the drinks thing, since I've always been a responsible drink-driv-er.

Toilet tales.

If only I could turn back time... I would wreak more havoc and have more fun.

Allied 2010 was a good night, a good end to a great story.

Eager Beaver

2010-04-14T19:22:00.003+08:00

Home - dinnered - unshowered - I'm just too eager to blog!

I'm still excited from finding my AH'07 blog post - mann.. I really want to paste it all here... but, I won't waste the space. You can check it out for yourself in April 2007 archives =P

But what I will do is paste a few favourite paragraphs:

Time went by fast.
*
Something something happened somewhere.. I did do some very stupid things. Not proud but don't care. Cos there will be no consequences. But the music just got better and better, I just can't remember it all. The best (and probs because I can remember) song was SEMI CHARMED LIFE! Like, YAY. I love that song.
*
Then something something... and then fell into emotional crying stage and then GOT KICKED OUT.
*
And then in the car ride home, it was phone calls to all the miss calls I had. One in particular was Mich's friend, I was ranting some bullshit off to him, very embarrassing. And then I called Darren 'cos Ling used his phone to call me. I think he got pissed off cos I asked who he was like .. 10 times before he handed the phone to Ling, whom I raved and ranted everything to her. Golly gosh.

.....

BAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Teenagers, what a bunch of dipshits.

Don't you just love the something something's? I should something something more often...teeheehee. And then the call from 'Michelle's friend'. This friend was actually Edmond's friend who was with Edmond at the time. Edmond also had just as much fun as I did *cheesy grin*. 2007 was my YEAR - nothing will ever be that sort of fun. So why AH'10? Even when AH'09 sucked?

Because I want to claim back my 'it's gonna be good'. I don't want my last AH to suck. Even if it may not be the last, it just has to be good. *Playing I've Got a Feeling for reassurance* I want things to stop ending badly, or stop ending on bad grounds. You want to keep the ball rolling and ease out of things knowing that you reached optimal satiation (the word 'satiation' being the only thing I learnt from Microeconomics 101).

So now, a good night means I won't be able to bring my new phone right? I'm supposed to get it on Friday, and I was thinking how cool it would be to abuse it at good ol' Metro, but.. apparently it's a slippery phone.. I don't want to epic fail my phone on day 1... sigh.

(An hour and a half later)

I got sidetracked by Shum goodness and LXD. You have GOT to check them out - Legion of Extraordinary Dancers. It is craaazy good. Love it.

That's me for tonight. See you... after AH!

L

Autumn rain

2010-04-13T22:47:00.002+08:00

It's raining it's pouring.. and I'm high!

-____- I wish. It's cold and I'm getting really excited to go to bed because it'll be warm and nice. It's been a while since the I'm-bored-so-I'll-blog posts. Work for me has been extended until end of June, which is kind of a hurray! for me =)

Allied Health is this Friday... I wasn't looking forward to it.. and then I was.. and then I wasn't. Now I'm thinking back to my first AH.. way back in.. in... 2007? 3rd year uni? Has it been THAT friggin' long?!? *i'mnotoldi'mnotoldi'mnotold* What an event it was, and I bet there was a ...

*escapes and goes read 2007 archives*

LOL. I heart my old posts S2.

Mood: Fuckdamncrap <---I was soo funny!

*reading* I FOUND IT.... but I'm going to bed... I'll share later...tomorrow!

Sweet dreams y'all!

Damien Lockheart

2010-04-11T21:01:00.001+08:00

I stress my LOVE for Damien Lockheart templates.. he does them well ^^

Nostalgia washes over me as I realise my blog is reaching it's 4th year this May.. how things have changed...

Playing fair

2010-04-09T16:40:00.008+08:00

Sometimes, fair just doesn't cut it. Sometimes, life has its moment's where you just want to punch someone...

...and stomp on them...

..and crush them. It's just so hard to understand why things happen which don't go in your favour. At times, there are karmic moments like spitting gum on the floor and the next moment you're sitting on fresh gum - that's a karmic moment. But there are so many other ambiguous happenings which just make you ponder aimlessly, about why they happen and why you care so much.

Unfortunately, I have many of these incidents - one of which I was being judged - for who I am. So I may swear more than I should, but who is to say I shouldn't? Joe Blogs and Jane Doe said that I swear quite often and it's just the way I am (and also said I was just being 'emo'). This was the response to Mary Lane who thought I was upset.

Being upset about this ordeal, I took it out on the messenger. I know that was wrong, but I couldn't wrap my head around this. *why so hurt?* So I swear... so what? I am emo, nothing wrong there. Was it because I was being singled out for swearing? Is it because these 'happy' people don't swear? Am I just being jealous of their constant happy lives who act like they live in fucking happy land? I want to be in happy land too if I could, but that's not happening because I'm living something called REALITY bitches.

It didn't take me long to calm down. But it's occured to me that I'm starting to worry about what others think of me again. And maybe it wasn't just THEM that was bothering me, it was ME that was bothering me. I need to be OK with me, and deep down in all honesty...swearing was never my thing. A few years ago it rolled off the tongue too easily, but I know for a fact, it doesn't anymore. People who know me can vouch for that. AND I did it because I wanted to. Maybe I was angry because my change hasn't been acknowledged. Especially when I changed for the better. A few words of profanity doesn't mean shit and people who are limited to realms like that will have a hard time to deal with the real shit.

So go throw your judgement elsewhere.

& The Easter break was well needed, work is always too much, even if you aren't doing much, which is not the case for me >.<

April is - Allied Health! Supafest! JAY SEAN!!! S2 I hope his arm is un-broken by then ^^.

Photo bombing!

2010-03-28T00:52:00.010+08:00

Woow. March already! I mean - ENDof March already! 3/4 to go. No no, I'm not counting down. I've been going through some work Grr-ness; trying NOT to care about shit dished out by colleagues and all that jiz and it's made me want to blog and not to blog at the same time. Facebook doesn't really help I think, especially when you THINK you can do what you like, and you actually can't. Facebook is a motherfucking monitoring space. EVERYONE see's what you write and you expose yourself to judgement and critique. I guess it doesn't matter what people think, but when what they think of you, reaches your ears, it's quite hard to swallow. Sure, I could cut down on the derogatory terms - but why the FUCK? And you know what? Now that my ears are sensative, I think I will cut back.

I hate when people change me like this.

March moments:

Epic Perth storm! I wasn't effected so much as many have been with flooded houses and damaged cars, thank god.

Ali's birthday dinner, ramen'ing with Nosh and yyK's birthday. March has been rather quiet but the mind is loud full of thoughts and soul searching. I seem to have misplaced the soul. It's not quite in its usual spot and id, ego and super ego have all parted separate ways making unmindful decisions. Andre Gide said, Sin is whatever obscures the soul - help thee if I have sinned so I can find my soul once more.

As suggested, I have photo bombed this post:

&. Pre-drinks with Noelle and her cousin before Metros Back to School. My excuse is dearest brother! We PD'd with better quality Chivas and was it GOOD! 一分钱，一分货。

&. Yeeyang's 22nd - Mez dinner followed by K @Utopia. Mez was interesting, but I think I wouldn't go back there because of the price of the average quality food. Still good company nevertheless. We ordered wine and our side of the long table got the red which was - for a change - good wine. I'm always sceptical with red wine, but I made a good choice with this one. Unfortunately I can't remember what it was @_@.

Ktv was awesome too - I fail though, I've been sucking for a long time now. Especially as of recent, I've been YTing awesome amateur singers and I feel major self-esteem KO. So, Noelle and I have decided to give ourselves singing lessons. Well, we haven't quite figured out how but we're hooked on pwning this harmonising shit; we are going to master IT! GAMBATTE!

&. Jowy had this everything-in-one BBQ since she got engaged/registered her marriage. Legally she is married but, yeah. She held a spit lamb at her place, the lamb was pretty awesome. The lamb was suprisingly nice ^^. Unfortunately, I didn't know many of her friends so it was a keep to ourselves kind of night. I managed to figure my camera out (after so MANY years!!) and took this awesome picture of Ed's RayBan's. They look better on him of course =)

&. And last but not least a major highlight of my life - a childhood dream come true - BSB concert! The only thing that sucked was that Kevin wasn't there. I didn't even know he had dropped out =( The whole night pretty much consisted of the entire audience singing to every single awesome BSB song - and then sitting down oh-so subtly when they started singing their new songs LAWL. Shape of My Heart had to be the epic winner since Kim SHRIEKED with delight when they began. And boo to Ed who took a blurry pic of me and my ticket!!

Resolutions suck balls. I'm not going to make them ever again. There are too many things that need reform. Let's not waste time pretending they will be met by making them at the beginning of each year.

FFS

2010-02-25T21:42:00.002+08:00

When I blog, I always ensure that my vocab and grammar are up to scratch. I know there's heaps of mistakes nevertheless, but I try.

With my last blog I was confused as to whether 'I could care less' or 'I couldn't care less'. I came across the following chart to help me out.

'I could care less' means that you cared in the first place, and that you could care less about X. If you couldn't care less, there was no care in the beginning.. and according to the chart results in the impossible. SO, I thought I understood, but I'm not so sure anymore. I can't use 'I could care less' because that would be admitting to the fact that I cared, and 'I coudn't care less' is impossible.....

On a caring note, Edmond is back! I went to the airport to pick him up, and I had to wait longer than expected.. The crowd was full of asians at first... but all their relatives and loved ones had already come out.. I was still left hanging... and then crowd changed as the passengers from the Dubai flight were coming out too.. Ed came out uber late!! But that's ok.. I have heaps of presents!! I got clothes >.<

Local art

2010-02-21T18:14:00.002+08:00

I was in town to get a hair cut and went down near PICA to wait and have a coffee before my 11am appointment.

There was a description of a piece of art written on the side of the art gallery's wall and I was reading it as I was sitting on the bench. Unknowingly, I thought the art work was inside the museum and from the description it sounded like this amazing illusional art - the title was something like "Appearing Walls" I think.

Little did I know, what looked like a platform for a stage of some sort was actually (to my surprise) THE work of art.

Then at 11am it did this:

Water wall! The grids would change every so often so different walls popped up.. kids got water up their butt standing on the grids,it was fantastic, really. Although I thought it was an amusing piece of art, I fail to understand the artistic feature of this water form.

Let's get wet!

Yesterday last year

2010-02-20T15:21:00.003+08:00

The last photos of last year Christmas where we cooked a seafood lunch on Christmas day. Chilli mussels were a success to celebrate; kudos to the boys =P Me and Janice just ate. XP

Some time in January, went out with the girls and finally visited the Greenhouse which I heard was a new eco-friendly bar. Unfortunately I was rather disappointed. To my amazement/horror the liquor were hanging off strands of.. eco-friendly string? I wouldn't risk my alcohol like that...

And the amusing cork chairs seem like a good idea but are heavy as ever and the seat is too short, otherwise meaning even if you have a reasonably large butt, it wouldn't fit anyway.

So we moved on from the Greenhouse because my friend had to meet people at another bar:

Only if you've ever been here you would realise it's in a dodgy alley way. However I found this dodgy alley rather clean... Anyway the bar is Helvetica, and it's crap too. Not my style. Sigh.
Finally, pictures of k-bbq for mum's birthday. Better than my expectations..

Quite start to the year. =) Oh yeah! Future Festival and backstreet boys to look forward to in the next couple of weeks, accompanied by the return of all my friends from o/seas (yayyyggboredom) and edmondpoopiepotatoface!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-16T19:58:00.003+08:00

I wrote a post a while ago about a person who had quite an opinion about me. It never really bothered me, because I couldn't care less what this person thought about me, even though I knew that deep down I wasn't that sort of person. So in my mind, this person could go to hell for all I care, or not - didn't bother me where he went, just far away from me because I'd appreciate the judgment (or no judgement would be nice too) from afar and wanted none of the nice-to-your-face crap.

For a long long time, this person stopped appearing in my life. And then a few weeks ago, I see him in the bus line - my bus line. When I saw him, I purposely missed the bus because seeing him for the first time, after hearing what he said about me, infuriated me. The second time, I'm standing in line and see him headed my way. SHIT! I can't get out of the line... I'm not going to lose my place 'cos of this fucker. And he actually stops to say, 'Hey Lisa'. I gave him a 'hey' back and sort of tried to brush him off. The nerve to talk to me! Sigh, the next time, he actually stands besides me and strikes a conversation. So fuck me, I'm talking to him.

What strikes me by surprise is my subtle hatred for my story's antagonist. So much for not caring right? There's really no such thing as not caring. As much as it doesn't bother me, I obviously don't want to be labeled such a bad person. Unfortunately in my case, where actions speak louder than words, my actions were probably worse than his words.

When someone tells me they don't care, I know they do. Because when you don't care, you don't talk about it. When you don't care, you don't think about it. When you don't care, you definitely don't blog about it!! AND you most definitely don't need to keep emphasising the "fact" that you don't care.

On another matter, in our 'General Inbox' at work, there's an email from a guy name 'Punani..something'. PUNANI!!!WTEF???

Monday bullshit FML

2010-02-15T22:17:00.003+08:00

As you can see, I am in no mood. Bloody Monday crap!

I wish some people would give me a break. Like, seriously, there are things I can handle by myself and I'm not a complete dumbarse. You'd think getting a house would be flash but it's not. I KNEW there were responsibilties - wait, I KNOW I now have a tremendous amount of responsiblity, but it shits me that I still don't feel right about it. And I get so fucking irritated by those who don't need to have these responsibilties. It's their choice, yes, and it's a damn good one. So why do I have to make the responsible one?????

AND everyone is oversea's having the time of their life now, which is making me more insane. I'm stuck in this shithouse of a city playing fucking house. Fuck my life man.

At the moment, I'm too irrational to understand why I always make the fucking OTHER choice. The shit road that no one fucking takes because it's obviously a FUCKED UP ROAD.

I hate this crap. Life is unfair, where's my break?

Happy 2 0 1 0 !

2010-01-01T13:19:00.004+08:00

Happy New Year everyone!!

What a year is was and what a year it will be.

This year I will strive.

This year I will accept.

My goals will not be too hard to reach. It will just be a year to sit back and enjoy. It has started off nice. Relaxed, the way I like it.. My beginnings ALWAYS depict what I have ahead of me in the year, so January is quite a delicate time for me. If I fuck something up in January, I fuck everything up in the year. If I party too much too hard in January, I party for the whole year (which technically isn't a bad thing when you're 19). So I figure... if I chillax it for the whole of January...

I can chillax for the whole of 2010!!!

Everyone loves new things. New job, new establishment, new presents!

Can't wait to see how this year pans itself out.

2009 reflections

2009-12-20T12:57:00.005+08:00

What a year! Reflections are of the essence at this time of month...

It's hard to feel the Christmas spirit as I get older. I remember when I was a kid and (as sad as it may seem) my Christmases were filled with watching Christmas movies on tv every night! Because my family doesn't celebrate Christmas, my only way to enjoy Christmas was to voyeur into these fictional worlds of happy Christmases.

Nowadays, tv doesn't really fill up my time.. so Christmas, is just another day off work for me. I've spent the last few Christmases overseas having awesome-ass celebrations, but I'm staying in Perth this summer.

Everyone else, however is making a move. Most of my friends have already gone, whilst the other half are waiting to leave next year. I can't help but to feel so left behind. I'm left behind to be responsible, to make sure I don't get up to trouble. To make sure I'm saving up my money to pay things off. Responsible sucks!

What a year. What have I learnt? I don't know mate. I can't believe I did a year of Tang's, even when I said it would only last me half year, tops. Well, it didn't turn out THAT bad. What I learned this year is that nothing is as bad as it seems. You tend to see things at a microscopic view, where you magnify everything 100 times fold. You do this because you think the world revolves around you. You think nobody understands what you're feeling. You think that the one who hurt you is a fuckin' cunt loser. You think the person who took it all away is a S-O-B. It's easy to lose a grip of things when you are angry/sad.

Once you stop thinking about yourself, then you realise what an asshole you have been. And then everything isn't as bad as it seems.

I don't think I'll be having NYE celebrations this year. They never resort to any good. Only lot's and lot's of naughty stuff.

I've learnt that a relationship is a bitch of a good thing. Relationships all come with a rollercoaster. A relationship is a theme park and you can't ever, have a theme park without a rollercoaster. You'll always love the carousel, because it plays nice music and you'll be forever smiling and enjoying yourself as you watch all these faces pass you by, all eager and envious to have their turn. And sometimes you get into the bumper cars, initially with good intentions. But after a bump and a smash things get a little messy full of revenge, anger, blame and all parties come out in tears.

But at the end of the day, who doesn't like theme parks? A bit of fairy floss and some side alley games will bring back the smiles and then everyone forgets the pain and anger from the silly bumper cars.

I learned that no matter how much we try to hate metros, we actually love it!

I have learnt that you can't try to bring back the past, it stays there for a reason. Did you know you aren't supposed to wind a watch backward? The hands of the clock are only meant to move clockwise, because you damage the cogs (or whatever is behind there) when it goes anti-clockwise. I wonder if that is true or some smartarse watch-maker was trying to tell us something?

Despite the hot weather, I still managed to write so much. H.E.R used to be my place, my release. It was my stories to tell because I'm not good enough to novelise them. Imagine, Lisa the author. Hehe. But somehow, she's slipped by in my life, and no stories are worth writing anymore. Many bloggers have threatened to shutdown their blogs with insufficient progress to post. But what's the point? How can you be so ready to let go of something you have built on so readily? Despite the lack of progress, it archives so much of your life when you were progressive.

Go back and read up on your past. Because there's no going back and nothing can hurt you now.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone. :)

omgomgomgomg

2009-12-06T22:54:00.004+08:00

BACKSTREET BOYS IN PERTH ON MARCH 2 2010,

WOOHOO!

I'm excited for the most part that I said if they come I

would definitely go see them. So I guess I'm going to go

see them! Finally, I get to go to an epic concert!

Rong-Chyi's 21st Birthday

2009-12-06T12:04:00.008+08:00

A happy belated birthday to Rong-Chyi! She hosted her celebrations a week earlier with her friend Warren at Tiger Lil's. It was so. packed. Ed, Noelle and I rocked up late and missed the cake! But, we were just in time to EAT the cake. It was definitely drool-icious. A few pictures from the night...

The Birthday Girl

We've known each other since our toddler years.

I wished I snapped a picture of my dress properly. I got it at the markets in Hong Kong. I really like it. Too bad no one really wears long dresses at night anymore :( Maybe I can pull it off as a sun dress. Or something, I don't know.

I went bowling and coffee with some family friends last night, and it was awesome. My bowling skill are improving. We bumped into Janice at Exomod. I thought I wouldn't like Exomod, but it's OK lah.

This morning I woke at 7am and waited for Ed to come to my place - yes that's right, all the way up north early in the morning - to go have Sizzler's brekky. It was exciting at first, and then I realised it wasn't as great as we thought it would be. $18.95 ; fkn rip-off mann.

*********

I always tell myself that I won't let the unimportant people effect my emotions and my outlook on life. But there will always be that someone of least importance that you will always succumb vulnerability to. You say that this person means nothing to your life and their friendship to you is merely an aquaintance. But yet each time you try your darnedest to like them and to get them to like you. And fuck, they just won't give you that break. So why do we keep trying? Are we being the better person and trying to maintain a mutual friendliness?

I've never been mutually friendly as far as I'm concerned and I don't know why I keep on trying with some persons. I'm wasting so much of my time and effort. I'm so fkn annoyed at myself.

The Village Bicycle

2009-12-04T21:37:00.002+08:00

If you've never experienced village life, you've probably never come acrossed the village bicycle.

It is in fact, just any old bicycle; a standard old fashion bike... I guess nothing special to it. In a communal village, everyone will use this bicycle to ride into town for groceries and all sorts of other tasks that they need to get done.

OK well, I think I just made that up...

The village bicycle is a metaphor (?) to connote a whore. Yes a whore. The village bicycle in which everyone gets a ride.

That's just vulgar. And it seems everyone knows this saying. At first I thought it was an Asian thing. Then now I heard a white guy saying it so maybe it's a guy thing. I don't know anymore. I just know, as a female I feel so degraded right now. And for all those village bicycle's out there; I am soo ashamed of you's right now.

That is all.

Return: to sender

2009-12-02T21:20:00.004+08:00

I'b sick! How the hell did that happen?! Soar throat, blocked nose, headache. Bah.

3rd day at work doing nothing at all. And the worse part is, it's not something I can get used to. Sigh. I mean, the day goes by so much s.l.o.w.e.r, it's agonizing.

Have you ever had a tea party?

I have! Fel hosted one the other weekend and made plenty of food with fine crockery for tea. Might I say the tea was dashing and the day was suuperbb *posh laughter*. Yeah it was awesome, apart from the gusty wind, it was a great event. Thanks Felly!

A day in the Valley - of Swan

2009-12-01T21:22:00.003+08:00

Happily hugging precioussss wine.

Kids and their iced-creams.

Lancaster.

The maze.

Kudo's to Janice for psing some pics ^^(Y)

The Department of Boredom

2009-12-01T19:40:00.003+08:00

Omigosh, work is so boring at the moment and boredom is driving me mad. I guess I shouldn't be complaining. Sigh. I hate corporate. Everybody everywhere is corporate. I went to eat with Caz today and I don't think I'll head back into the city. I'm intimidated by suits and power women.

We made a scrapbook for Michelle's 22nd, which turned out well, surprisingly thanks to me and Fel's stern words. Sorry if we offended anyone - no wait - I take that back; because if we weren't such bitches it wouldn't have been completed! So... suck it up peepz. And then Kim organised a picnic for her which went well also. Can you believe I played cricket?! I most certainly cannot. Because I hate aussie sports. If I had to like one, it would be rugby. But cricket?! And I got sunburnt too. I had sunscreen on as well... I just couldn't reach my back :(( I hate being burnt bread. Tan lines are so gross.

I'm stuck in Perth this summer, mainly due to work commitments I guess. And I have to find a job for March because that's when the contract ends. Dad says if I get a permanent job in the city he wants to sell my car. Oh! The devastation! I'm so cut I'm almost wishing that I won't have to work in the city any longer.

Maybe I should go abroad. Go somewhere teach English for half a year or so. It would be good experience. Leave this shit-hole city.

my throat is on fire. Until next time ...

When we first met

2009-11-30T21:27:00.004+08:00

I fell in love with her when we first met. Any now the words don't compare. The charisma, gone. I give up. I can't prolong it anymore. Words have never been so dry.

Please, help me to hold on. Enchant me. `Inspi..

sadder yet, bro's blog is better than mine. minus the blogskin issues. bah.

Obsession over Emotion in Moderation

2009-10-30T22:10:00.005+08:00

It's not that I haven't been blogging. I have written many drafts. Many unfinished, uninspired blogs.

It's just how I feel about life. It's unfinished and uninspired. Too lazy to blog - too lazy to get out of bed. Can't think of what to make of this blog - can't think what to make of this life.

I found this entry in my diary:

So sick. Can you feel? Deep, deep down in the pit of your stomach, the gland excretes. It is excreting DISGUST into every inch of your body. It enters the blood stream and pumps its way through the body. It's almost like adrenalin creating a sensational high at first. A feeling with not a care in the world. Unaware of DISGUST. And yet when it stops - that feeling - your blood turns black and cold. The circulation ceases and you scream but nobody hears you. Forgiveness lost in a black hole. What's left of warm red blood, runs down your face as tears. They show no sympathy. They see what's really inside you. Their glare tells you, it's over. It's too late. Because that gland excretes DISGUST, pumping through you veins, reaches into your heart, your heart skips a beat - and then nothing.

I am not emotionally retarded, no matter what that entry portrays. Or proves. I was trying to emphasise how it feels to be disgusted. Not at something, not at someone, but at yourself. I know people who have felt shameful or guilty for things that they have felt or done in the past, but I don't think it compares to feeling disgusted. It's almost like contempt, or something raw and unnerving.

It's a girl thing. Many a times I have tried to share with my girls this disgust. Falling just before the tip of my tongue, I retreat, cowardly because I can't handle how they will see me - their glare. I am not ready to gamble for forgiveness. I cannot make that bet. I refuse to play bluff in poker.

On the Up side, I have turned Gleek. It is the most awesomest show since Greys Anatomy. There is the HAWTTTTT DDG Mark Salling... mmmmmmmm... bad boys; and there is UBER cool Harry Shum Jr. Shum is the best dancer EVERRRR.. Ok. I love the fact that he's asian too. He's everywhere.. he's the asian in all those dance movies.. AND he rocked the It's My Life/Confessions mash-up in GLee. OMG gleelove. Sigh - I haven't felt so TB since... since I don't know when my fandom has reached this point!

I'mstalkingShumonwww.harryshumjr.com/andontwitterandongleewebsiteandontumblr
andonYoutubeandonanythingelseicanfind!

I think I have the best ASIA Cocktail pictures

2009-10-05T22:00:00.012+08:00

There have been long drawn covnersations and debates about whether we are too old to go clubbing. We are 22! We can't be that old. I blame Perth. There is no where else to go other than Metros which means old people (us) mingle with young people (not us).
But Cocktail '09 was fun. Me and Noelle made sure of it. I've uploaded most of my photos which, despite it only being 40+, I believe are the most awesomest photos ever. HAHAH arrogant much?

In da Club @ 10pm to avoid the lines and the place was empty. I forget what Metros look like when it's empty. We had lollipops, cool people with lollipops. Only to find out we weren't the only cool people as everyone we saw had lollipops as well :(

OMG does my head look detached or what!

ALL in black boooyeah! Classique.

Together as one ^^

My skills are failing me!!!

Much to drink? Kinda, but ov cos I sober first before driving la!

DD = designated drinker! And there's one extra hand in that photo.. James, you are being framed.

2 awesome sisters =P

As Lu gets redder, Ed gets paler..

Do I smell...trouble? No, just smelly friends.

Oh, Pro! PRO!

Oh wait, that smell was Chao chao! LMAOiamsofunny.

Angels. liketotally.

Zomg, love this pic, it's totally two hot poseurs. Poseurs rock my world. hehehe

o_O

S2 Saranghae

On the stairs outside, voluntarily of course, and all quite sober; just not sane. How could we be? We were talking to a car. Broom broom!

I am totally not old. I party all I fucking want, thankyouverymuch.

Wassup - wassup - wassupwassupwassup

2009-10-03T17:30:00.002+08:00

Man this song is so fkn addictive. Wonder where all my k-pop days went...

Remember when I was like:

"Fuck you biaaatchh!!!" *attempts to scratch car with blunt keys*

... I have become:

"You little piece of shit fuckerrrrrr!" *runsandhides*

I've lost that flame. I've almost become a .. WET BLANKET! Nooooooooo. Nobody wants to be a wet blanket. They get tortured via their wet blog. *nods*

Oh yeah, Happy mooncake day everyone! Make sure you check out the moon tonight, it'll be illuminating the sky tonight... pretty.

Looking forward to Spring Feast 2009!

~Bottomless PitStop~Your always faithful Malaysian stall will bring you a true taste sensation... On the night our stall will be bringing you freshly made Crispy Noodles- cooked on the spot!So please come down and show your support :)-Brought to you by Noelle and her Shupergirls-

~Happy Karage~Coming back by popular demand, the team at Happy Karage are bringing back old favorites and a little something new. Would love to tell you more, but we wouldn't want to spoil the surprise now would we. Come down, show your support and we'll make sure you'll have AWESOME time.-Brought to you by Ed, Anthony and Elvin

(credits to Nosh via Facebook)

Come and support these fabulous stalls!!

It just doesn't beat Max Brennas

2009-09-29T21:52:00.002+08:00

I can't stress how crap my photos are. Sigh. And worse yet, everyone talking about getting SLR's - taking camwhoring to a whole new level...

Anyway, went to Outback Jack's a couple weeks back, must have been a while ago, the beef was good. Better than Hogsbreath. They had the 1kg challenge which Ed just waived and shared his steak with me, which made it cheap anyway. Elvin had the kilo to himself, being the big eater he is... that's stellar!

And see that bowl of STEAMED vegetables? They were horrible; what a way to kill the 1kg challenge!

Since we were in Freo, we decided to drop by San Churro's; a chocolateria.. er, chocolate cafe? We just had the hot chocolate and skipped out on the fondue with weird shape pastries. Despite it's nice atmosphere, I knew the hot chocolate wasn't anywhere near as good as Max Brennas. San Churro's hot chocolate was the same as the powered stuff you get at Woolies - Cadbury's Hot Chocolate for a little quality. Two or three tablespoons of powered chocolate in hot milk and there you have, a normal hot chocolate...

But MAX BRENNAS is SOMETHING ELSE - not only does it bring a whole new meaning to hot chocolate, it is indeed a 'hot' 'chocolate'. Textured so silky and thick, the warm chocolate travels smoothly down your throat. Your body really does feel the chocolate running through you body, the sugar emitting a sort of velvety pleasure. However be warned that a mug-full of Max Brennas hot chocolate takes its toll as the satisfaction wears you out completely, leaving you with this feeling that I had: I'LL NEVER HAVE A HOT CHOCOLATE THIS GOOD.

So you could see how unamused I was with San Churro's. But hey - it's Perth. It doesn't get any better.

A good night in all, and boy my photo's suck!

I have more photos to upload - Asia Cocktail and Swan Valley. I can't believe I went to Cocktail and had a fucking good time! A good night is when you make it a good night. None of this bullshit reverse psychology, and no expectations. Just go with the right attitude and make it a good night. I left very satisfied. =)

I'm going to start my religion phase - Shaun's got me started with some reading and some talks recorded by a monk... it's all so wise and insightful.

Belated Springtime

2009-09-28T14:02:00.003+08:00

Spring has been late this year! And I've been having a blog draught. *Sigh*, I don't know what's gotten into me. I thought a renovation would lift my spirits and help inspire some words to give this blog some life again. I have realiesd how apparent the colour is red in my life. It all started with:

- Hits Studio, our beloved red and black home of music and alcohol and a lot more.... *grins*

- Armada Restaurant, a place I used to work in East Perth last year, the restaurant was furnished with black and red couches, chairs, tables.

- KthreeG, my favourite K-hair salon! Again, red, white furnished.

- Grandma's 90th Celebration with all generation's wearing red (4th-g's in pink); that was soo much fun.

- Now my current workplace is also red furnished. They have red chairs which I want to steal for my room because I haven't found a red desk chair yet!

I believe that the more things there are on my mind, the less compelled I am to write, whereas it used to be the opposite.

I think in the last year, I have been very careless in my writing, a lot of the words have indirectly reflected off people and that shouldn't have happened. I fear now that whatever I write will be judged most harshly as I have judged others.

Or do I?

Facebook tells me, that fucker is no longer in a relationship and is now single. After a relationship of 3 years which he 'tried so hard and got so far; in the end it doesn't even matter'. Dare I say Karma played a part in his fate? So I learn that we should never try to take Karma into our own hands because Karma knows. I know what I have committed and I know that Karma knows too. But I should dwell not on the past...

My 22nd Birthday

2009-09-04T21:47:00.010+08:00

I've mass-loaded pictures from my 22nd birthday at Canton Bar.

OBVIOUSLY, the first ones to arrive. I waited HALF and HOUR before my first guest arrive... HALF AN HOUR!

Yay Fel, you are NUMBER ONE!!! I loved your dress by the way.

Alipoo was not the second, but he had a cool present with him!

First group shot.

SMEXY Caz and her red shiny dress and my pink shiny dress. *Hers is HOTTER*

Group shot two ^^

Very pretty girls

My hot, new... BABY-G! Booyeah, even Will was trying to steal it, cos he thinks pink looks good on him (but we know it looks better on me of course ^_~)

Group shot!

Anthony and Janice =)

Noshi FINALLY came! - bah-gah.

Michelle is displaying her Smexy new hairstyle care of KthreeG - Salon is located on William Street ^^.

Rong-chyiiiiii, it's been a long time.. too long dear. Too much rong-chyi= so much agony!

awloveya.

s2birthday kiss!

It reads: Happy Birthday Lisa

Aww, original =)

I have wayy too many shots of these two on my camera *peers around for culprit*

Attempt caznwill: cute but, your s2 is all wrong. Tsk tsk.

Attempt Ednlis: Awesomeness pwnage! Booyeah we win hands down thankyouverymuch.

Yay high-school girlies.

It spells: awesomage.

Janice made it just! *i'msotouched*wipestear*

Shaun: I can see where it all went wrong in her head...

Lisa FTW kthxbai =P

Group shot woot!

My epic fail light-the-candle-and-everything-is-like-wow! Instead it was er-um-that was gay.

Fun, fun. It was a great night.

yesterday's yesterday

2009-08-22T16:29:00.010+08:00

When we went to Singapore in June for a spontaneous chillax trip, we didn't take many photo's. We were too busy chillaxing at our 5Star Hotel, shopping in Bugis, eating everything in site and eating some more.

Down the street from Bugis, we had really awesome tau fu fa (sweet beancurd) soy milk and yau tsa gwei. YUM.

I met Kifa for the afternoon.

My pastries. *drools* We met up with Anthony and Elvin one morning and ate our way through the day... we ate like we would never eat again. That's exactly how to charge through life! Although Ed and I gave up by dinner. Afternoon tea we had Max Brenna's hot chocolate and I was wayy too satisfied to eat for the rest of the day.

One day we finally found our way to Dragon Palace KTV. Ed, Nosh and I, and it cost us a fortune! Thanks for everyone who didn't come -__-
The rooms are nice. The K is 'ma ma dei' and the price is pocket burning...

Ed is trying to do a spot of advertising for Dragon Palace here.

Apparently I learnt that Ktv at DP is actually genuine - it means they buy their music. Which is why it's so darn expensive.
*Heads back to Utopia and HS* Home Sweet Home.

Another Saturday night, we decided it would be 'Lady's night' so a few of us headed to Harry's Bar for some drinks and desserts. Then after all the girl talk we suppered.. and after all that it was only 1am! It was way too early for Nosh and I and despite our attempts at *hint hint*nudge nudges*, everyone went home...

... So we went to Metros! Drank and danced until we got it allll out of our systems and went home :)

30 July 2009 -Bosco Wong & At 17!!

Bosco is sooooo hot in person, omgomgOMG! And At17 are quite good live. I love good live music.

I think I'm going to be stuck and Tang's for a while... sigh.

it's like a new... lamborghini

2009-08-21T22:33:00.002+08:00

All done!

Nice and red, just the way I like it... now if only my room would cooperate the same way.. but it's kind of hard when not EVERYTHING can be red.

Now I hope there won't be so much dry spells of blog posts. I re-templated the blog so I could inspire myself to blog.. keep blogging. If only I could inspire myself to do more with my life...

sigh!

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2009-08-20T23:49:00.002+08:00

Please understand. Thank you.

2009-07-26T21:35:00.002+08:00

M-m-m-My place I called home

Oh, the vanity! Metros last night = one good night. Where it used to never fail as the place to BE, is now struggling to have consistent 'good nights'.

Yesternight, was one of those good nights. As Yeeyang and I were approaching Metros, we were bitching our face off about how crap the night will be. Put simply, there was good music and good company. The simple ingredients that make a good night.

3 hours on the dancefloor; I've never danced so much in my entire life. I have thought about this a lot: when I say I'm seriously too old for this clubbing stuff, I mean the physical! 3 hours of non-stop dancing - I couldn't stand straight! No, it wasn't the alcohol, I am responsible (comes with the age). I was short of breath toward the end of the night, that I had to sit down. I think I told Yeeyang I was going to find a friend, then realised - what friend? I was NOT going to walk the flight of stairs all the way to the roof top for 'fresh air' because I will DIE on those stairs. SO I just sat down! Sorry Yeeyang! Didn't want to pull you away...lol. I sat there for 5 minutes. No it's not sad. I was too tired to care.

The night ended at about 3am and we walked into the side of a taxi on the way to the car! Well, good thing it wasn't in front of it right? Still good, still alive...

Buggered out. I wish every night was fun like that. When I'm not with B of course ;)

@_@

2009-07-20T12:00:00.002+08:00

@_@

Talk about a K.O.! Yesterday I went to meet Sarah for brunch at Dome. As we were eating and chatting, I started to feel queasy, like I was going to throw up. So I excused my self and headed straight to the toilets. But just as I got to the door I couldn't quite feel my legs anymore and it kind of went dark, like someone slowly switching the light of in your head until it was all dimmed out. The next thing I heard was a *bang*thud* and I woke up to a bunch of people 2 inches away from my face. I heard the words ambulance and first aid and I remember shaking my head. I also remembered worrying about lying on the dirty floor. Apparently I fell kneeling, hence the bruise on my knee. I also banged my head the the corner of a table, which at the time I couldn't figure out where on my head I banged it. People panicked because they thought I was unconscious. I've found the bruise on my head.

Now I'll be too embarrassed to step into Dome for a good while! Oh yeah, so I'm off work today to go get myself checked out. There better be something wrong with me or else I took a sickie for nothing!

Flaws and all

2009-07-19T00:25:00.004+08:00

Flaws and All - Beyonce

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes indeed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet you see the picture clear as day
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me, flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love
I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
And that's exactly what I need
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me, flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
Don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
Catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
You, you, you

Sometimes I forget how good you are to me. Sometimes I forget I have good things in life. All I do is fill my eyes with tears. And all those times I thought you put me down, you were only trying to make me stronger. I took you for granted, I doubted you, I made decisions - all of which only made you stand beside me longer, love me more and you never let me go.
I will show you that I'm worthy. I will show you that I'm faithful. I will show you that our little world only needs to be just you - and - me, B.

grassy bums

2009-07-15T23:37:00.005+08:00

One thing we take for granted: Nice sunny days in Winter. It was so lovely today. I moped as I sat near the window staring out at the cloudless sky. How I longed to be in boots, a skirt and a warm knit, shopping or strolling through the streets... the things we give up for work. You don't understand it until you've reached and experienced it. The days spent on James Oval I adored the most. University time is precious, even when you come out with a stupid degree. I'll never forget those grass-bum days d(^.^)b_Y

******

Can you guess where we are?

Inside a Dragon's mouth! Destination: Hatyai, Thailand. Yummy food there *slurps*

******

Dear readers...

2009-06-09T23:06:00.004+08:00

Dear readers...

Does anyone go through my archives? Silly question. Of course not. I have been doing so the past two nights. Do you remember what I used to blog? Back in the days when it used to be interesting, filled with life and drama and controversies I created for myself. It seems like the older I get the more I hate my writing. And I've already said this before somewhere. Somewhere where I have read even earlier material... so why do I stress on the past? Why can I never let it go?

I looked through old photos tonight. The clothes worn, the drinks had, the fun that lasted the night... I miss the days. I miss all those conversations about nothing, about everything, about love lost and love won, about friends, about enemies. Why can't I just let go of the past?

Why am I running back to Korean melody? Why has everything changed to where we are now? I don't want to let go of the past because it's my most precious gem of all, my diamonds. My life, my story, my everything. Every night I go to sleep thinking I'm about to lose them to life, to everything that I've succcumbed to.

When did I become such a drama queen? What happened to the pop princess?

Oh my god, do you know how much I miss you?

you have no. idea.

_listening to: Reset - Super Junior

baybee in the summertime...

2009-06-08T21:26:00.003+08:00

Baybee in the Summertime...

Photo's from Caroline's Tubin' 22nd Birthday bash. It was an awesome change to cocktails and lounges, even though dressing up is fun. You'd think sitting in a tube being pulled along the river behind a boat is nothing - but it was freakin' awesome, even when we weren't going full speed :P

These were the first batch to take to ride and show us noobs how it's done! They looked awesome! So fearless and brave..

Whilst they were jetting off, I cam-whored. In the name of Narcissism&Vanity, I totally love my hair. But my sunnies reflected everything on the other side of this photo! Ed didn't tube.. he was scared of the jelly fish, weren't you Ed!

There was food too, although.. food was not the agenda, especially when the first crew came back....

Birthday gal! Caz.. oh dear Caz.. hahaha.. erm. Moving on...

...So the first crew came back and poor Will felt sick. And meanie ol' me took a pic. No Will, I wasn't trying to look up your shorts, sorry!

More cam-whoring..

Team awesome!.. Ok.. more like team-shit-scared-of-flippin'-and-getting-eaten-by-jelly-fish. We screamed all the way for no goddamn reason and we didn't flip over!

"Oh no! There's a jelly fish stuck up my butt!" OK. That wasn't very flattering. There was no jellyfish up my arse. There wasn't even a hole in the tube, it's un-holey so your bum is protected for skimming the water. And yet all the waves and bumping around still hurted my backside. I got air too! That was fkn scary. I almost landed on top of Cat..

It was good. But maybe I won't try it again I think.

5 more days 'til Summer sun. Yaaaaayyy.

Winter Wonderland

2009-06-07T23:21:00.001+08:00

WinTer WonderLand

I see Winter come out of my mouth when I am breathing in the cold night. It is a shade of grey; unclear and misty.

It is cold. And it is June. It is, winter =)

11.24pm

So yesterday

2009-06-07T16:36:00.002+08:00

So Yesterday

Straight hair is so yesterday. That's why I've finally got around to perming my hair. And it turned out for the better. I almost thought it was going to be a mess. But it's all good :))

In other news, I am jet-setting to Singapore on Sunday, for four days. That's right, just four days, just to get away from Perth cos it's sucky so badly, I'm almost ashamed. I wanted to not tell anyone and see if anyone noticed I was MIA. But I didn't want a scolding from Friends&Co. Because I wouldn't like it if my friend did that to me intentionally. So a pre-emptive 'sowie!*cute face*' to Friends&Co.

And I know everyone's on exam week - jiayou!fighting!ajaaja! - so most likely won't see anyone until after exams! Study hard guys.

And one more thing, I think mishnosh will be proud - I was at work and this 10 year-old girl (colleagues daughter) starts chit-chatting to me about some song called Sorry Sorry, and she made me watch the video clip which to my surprise was Super Junior! How can a 10yo introduce me to Suju? That's just insane. Well. I like that song. Hehe. Mishie is that the song on your msn nick? I've been meaning to ask you for a long long time...

Because I know, I don't belong, here in heaven.

2009-05-31T01:15:00.003+08:00

Because I know, I don't belong, here in heaven.

Funny how things turn out.

Tonight's drive home was a trip down memory lane...

As I turned into the short-cut dark path through the industrial area, I looked on. Into the eery darkness, I put my high-beam on. Everytime I take this path, I think to myself, of all the possible freaky shit that could jump my path; a crazy hobo jump at my car, a mangled dead body on the road, an abandoned child in the middle of the road, a vengeful ghost. It shits me. I can't help it when it's as dark as that and I can't see what's ahead.

And then just as I make a left, I remember one hot February's summer in 2007 where I parked my car on that corner before turning left and sat there reading a valentine's card. It was from a colleague almost 10 years my senior and I read his words written in poor grammar and bad writing about how he liked me, not just as a little sister. I took out the present, took the perfume and ditched the box into the bushes. There was a bear and I was going to ditch that too, but then I figured, that's not fair on the bear. And there was also the card.

I went home and burned that card.

Back then, that corner was never scary... Driving was never scary. I was afraid of nothing and full of pride. I took things from people and didn't feel ashamed. I burned his thought and love like it was nothing. Because, it was nothing to me.

I couldn't have been any more braver than how I was then. Everything to gain and nothing to lose.

And then I drove past that round-about. I mean, AROUND the round-about. Sigh.

She stoled my pencil case.

2009-05-27T22:49:00.003+08:00

She stoled my pencil case.

When she stoled my pencil case, I got really angry. It's not like it was my favouritest pencil case in the world, but because it was my pencil case. I had it for quite a while. It held all my pencils and biro's and eraser and sharpener and colour pencils - it even had some coins for recess and lunch! Even though I didn't keep it as clean as it should've been, it was containing my stuff good. It never breaked, and the zip never got caught. It was a good pencil case. Until she stoled it. Maybe I took the colour pencils out and put them elsewhere, maybe it looked a little empty and disowned. Maybe I shouldn't have left it lying around. She was alwys jealous of my pencil case. You always want what you can't have. But in this case she got it. And I got a little sad. My pencil case is by no means in a rush to come back to me. Because I would never wash it. It had stains for a reason.. it had graffitti on it for a reason. I was not going to wash it off. So now its found someone who will give it a good scrub. Too bad... I really really liked my pencil case..

Childhood never lets you down does it?

all i need is time

2009-05-24T19:24:00.000+08:00

All I need is time.

purpose.

2009-05-21T00:47:00.002+08:00

I live to be who I am. I live to lie, I live to cheat, I live to steal. I live to do everything that is wrong, so what makes it so right?

When there is no purpose in your life, you wonder what is there that's left for you to live for? What is it that's waiting for you in the future when you have nothing going for you in the present? There's so many people out there who deserve the chance of life I have.. but I'm here and they're there. I wish I could give my life away to someone who needs it.

Bothered

2009-05-03T23:48:00.004+08:00

Bothered

I know, I can't let this go. But the more I think about it, the more it bothers me. I just don't see any reasons why such a person can get away with such acts of.. selfishness?

I'm not the best person to be saying what a good friend should and shouldn't do. I don't think I've made all the right choices and I defintely have let people down in the past. But I can't get my head around the fact that some people think it's ok to put down a friend's morality, just because he or she thinks that their friend isn't doing the right thing.

What constitutes as the right thing? Who are we to tell someone that what they are doing is the right or wrong thing?

It's funny, I remember these words... something to this effect: '.. he asked me if I was drunk and I told him, that it was just the way I was. That's just my personality.' Why can't everyone accept the fact that it was 'personality'? Friend's are supposed to support the 'personality' claim whereby we don't judge our friends and frankly, there is nothing wrong with drunkeness. A few misplaced words is nothing. A few bad photos is nothing. Well, nothing that can be helped if 100 photos are being snapped in my face. I can't be 100% perfect. And it wouldn't help for a friend to keep discretion either. Being discrete is nothing to be ashamed of. Girls are supposed to be discrete in manner. It is our nature to keep things in discretion and not display it for the world to impose judgement on.

I really am bothered. There is no serious situation behind it. I just can't believe that there are such things like this happening out there. I can't believe friends have resort to this kind of behaviour.

I'm no one to judge. I am merely stating a small observation. Be nice to your friends.