Thursday, October 19, 2006
- By the moment.. -
I'm dying under all the stupid assignments that I haven't started. I hate it so much, I just want to sit and cry my heart out. But I can't 'cos there's no time for that. I write this because I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way, so this is not a selfish rant. It's a collective one. We're all trying to learn how to cope but we just keep insisting that we're failing. Because we all are. What is lacking is the motivation. Most of us are smart and capable of achieving well under such circumstances, but it's not easy for the rest of us. It's not easy for anyone actually. Nothing ever comes easy. It just gets harder and harder. Wait 'til child birth, unless you're planning to have a c-section. I'm telling myself to cope, but I can't. I can't even breathe properly, and my stupid breathing problems are back again. I just hate feeling this way at the end of each semester. It's starting to be a drag. This was not the consistency that I wanted. I don't like to tell people I'm good because I'm not, and I don't need to bore people about what's going on because everyone else has assignments and exams. Cranky mornings and late nights. My mum isn't coping very well either. She keeps hammering me about my health and that I'm not going to get anything done with late nights, blah blah. She keeps telling me to do things I just can't deal with now, but she doesn't want to wait and I have no choice. It results in everybody angry. And then I'm angry at myself, but that's not going to help me write my essay. I'm crying inside and even I don't know it. What's the point of blogging if it's going to take away fifteen minutes of my time? Yet I do it anyhow. Sometimes you wish things that you shouldn't, you mean it but you don't, because once it's all over you're back to your old self. And that wish was just a stupid pathetic whinge to yourself because you couldn't handle the stress. What if it came true? God help guide me away from those silly thoughts.
-{ missing you 10/19/2006 01:08:00 am }-