Saturday, July 14, 2007
- smile at me -
Why is everyone so happy? More correctly asking, why is it that I am still sad?
After reading his poem for the umpteenth time, I felt so sad and a slight sense of comfort that there was still light at the end of the tunnel. Gladly knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel, but I have been walking for days, for months now. And I have yet to reach the light.
How come they all can be so happy after .. me? But it is not a question worth asking. I was their ball of string. That is why they are happy. But it's not fair!
I want my happiness. I will sulk, I will cry and throw my tantrum because they have theirs and I don't have mine. I will act immature until I am satisfied. I am weak because I wear my heart on my sleeve. And only those who notice, will use it to their advantage.
Because I am weak.
I know I am naive, I am not afraid to show it.
I show it when I look at you, when you talk to me, when you see me look away. I tend to show it when I see you happy but maybe there was an exception somewhere. Because I didn't know I saw you. But you seemed surprised to see me there. Our one second encouter on the same side of the pathway. Why was my heart beating a steady beat? That second was followed by the possibility that I thought our paths met again.
How come it was you?? How come I did not realise? WHy do I remember both your happy faces? Why weren't you happy like that when I was there instead?
A small part of me remembers that you kept quite a fixed eye on me, while I did not notice you. A very very small part of me wishes to think that you were reminiscing the second time you met me. When I was a 'school girl' with whisky spilt into my Cons =) .your whisky.
A miniscule part of me thinks you'll come back. Come back to me on your knees, which I will have the pleasure of rejecting you. No! I will not reject you. I will embrace you and accept you knowing that I will be left dumbfounded with the absense you will leave me with after you find your happiness again. Because I am weak.
And just as you hurt me, I will do to others, because that's the way it works... that's the way our type do things.
After reading his poem for the umpteenth time, I felt so sad and a slight sense of comfort that there was still light at the end of the tunnel. Gladly knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel, but I have been walking for days, for months now. And I have yet to reach the light.
How come they all can be so happy after .. me? But it is not a question worth asking. I was their ball of string. That is why they are happy. But it's not fair!
I want my happiness. I will sulk, I will cry and throw my tantrum because they have theirs and I don't have mine. I will act immature until I am satisfied. I am weak because I wear my heart on my sleeve. And only those who notice, will use it to their advantage.
Because I am weak.
I know I am naive, I am not afraid to show it.
I show it when I look at you, when you talk to me, when you see me look away. I tend to show it when I see you happy but maybe there was an exception somewhere. Because I didn't know I saw you. But you seemed surprised to see me there. Our one second encouter on the same side of the pathway. Why was my heart beating a steady beat? That second was followed by the possibility that I thought our paths met again.
How come it was you?? How come I did not realise? WHy do I remember both your happy faces? Why weren't you happy like that when I was there instead?
A small part of me remembers that you kept quite a fixed eye on me, while I did not notice you. A very very small part of me wishes to think that you were reminiscing the second time you met me. When I was a 'school girl' with whisky spilt into my Cons =) .your whisky.
A miniscule part of me thinks you'll come back. Come back to me on your knees, which I will have the pleasure of rejecting you. No! I will not reject you. I will embrace you and accept you knowing that I will be left dumbfounded with the absense you will leave me with after you find your happiness again. Because I am weak.
And just as you hurt me, I will do to others, because that's the way it works... that's the way our type do things.
-{ missing you 7/14/2007 03:01:00 pm }-