Monday, August 27, 2007
- how you's make my night's worthwhile -
Maybe it's the quiet periods that make you think more. I was thinking like: someone told me once that my blog was too cryptic. I'm beginning to think so too. WHy? Because I went back and read some posts and I have no clue what the fuck I was on about. There will be soe events that I left out wondering why I did so. But I don't know. Because I honestly, don't remember. Now I must deal with the consequences of crypting my work.
This may seem like a strange, emo weird thought of mine, but when I was twelve, I couldn't imagine ME being twenty. Twenty is like, the start of this new decade of life. One that, requires a lot of responsibility. No more saying you were young and stupid. Maybe you can still be young, but stupid is no longer a legitimate excuse. I hate growing up and wanting more freedom. I liked it when mum would take care of everything for me. She made sure I always ate my fruit, she made sure I always had the right equipment for school, she made sure I always had a different breakfast each day and would wake up early to make it while letting me sleep in just a little bit longer before school. But now, I'm older. I don't want any of that any more. I wish I did. I wish I was younger. But I can't. I won't.
My heart aches when I cause my mum so much stress and misery. But I still do it. Because at the time I don't care. I need to press this foward so she understands as well as I do that I am growing up. I don't need someone to make sure I'll be home on time. Why? Because I will be home. But I don't want to keep hurting her. It makes me hate myself so much.
Work people shit me. I'm so tempted to say 'I hate them', but I know that I shouldn't and it's wrong. But I do, and they shit me.
WHy can't everything just be normal? The only thing that almost is, is uni. And my friends. After all the shittiness, I need to be with friends so make up for it. I think I only go out just so I can be with my friends. Because they make everything better.
*sobs* i need my fwenz
This may seem like a strange, emo weird thought of mine, but when I was twelve, I couldn't imagine ME being twenty. Twenty is like, the start of this new decade of life. One that, requires a lot of responsibility. No more saying you were young and stupid. Maybe you can still be young, but stupid is no longer a legitimate excuse. I hate growing up and wanting more freedom. I liked it when mum would take care of everything for me. She made sure I always ate my fruit, she made sure I always had the right equipment for school, she made sure I always had a different breakfast each day and would wake up early to make it while letting me sleep in just a little bit longer before school. But now, I'm older. I don't want any of that any more. I wish I did. I wish I was younger. But I can't. I won't.
My heart aches when I cause my mum so much stress and misery. But I still do it. Because at the time I don't care. I need to press this foward so she understands as well as I do that I am growing up. I don't need someone to make sure I'll be home on time. Why? Because I will be home. But I don't want to keep hurting her. It makes me hate myself so much.
Work people shit me. I'm so tempted to say 'I hate them', but I know that I shouldn't and it's wrong. But I do, and they shit me.
WHy can't everything just be normal? The only thing that almost is, is uni. And my friends. After all the shittiness, I need to be with friends so make up for it. I think I only go out just so I can be with my friends. Because they make everything better.
*sobs* i need my fwenz
-{ missing you 8/27/2007 12:18:00 am }-