Sunday, April 12, 2009
- The Art of Pain and Suffering -
As I've always pronounced it 'ma-soh-shist', I'm watching an episode of Sex and the City that explores the idea of S&M, Sado-masochism. So I realise that masochist is actually pronounced 'ma-soh-kist', FYI. Naturally, they explore the sexual side of things.. but then, there is that other.
That other thing about inducing pleasure with pain. Or just putting oneself into the position of being in pain. It was hard to understand then, but it's all in a different light now. How much pain does it take to call it quits? Why should I put myself through pain over and over again? Is the pain self-induced? Most of the time, I just tell myself it's me over-reacting and over-thinking. Because that's what I do best.
But what about other people? I'm sure many are thinking the same question. Pain is portrayed through... tears? Through... anger? Does it matter how it is expressed or not expressed? It's likely you think you're an ass for getting yourself into this type of situation, and getting out of it and then getting back into it KNOWING that pain is waiting for you around the corner.
It was first year Uni where I discovered that experiencing pain was quinessential to achieving nirvana in Buddhism. Obviously I put that in a nutshell, because I just also made my religion seem masochistic. In a somewhat weird but logical way, I started to believe. Living through pain and suffering made you stronger and thus a better human being. Understanding that hunger was something we could fulfil in which third-world people could not. Those people who suffered and appreciated food that we would never consider edible. The pain of losing a loved one, the pain of hard labour, the pain of giving birth. I believed in this pain and suffering and I believed the more I suffered, the more I would be a better person.
But soon it became the suffering of assignments, the pain of heartache and the suffering of unappreciative friends. Everything that was a bitch in life became my pain. IN THE ASS. And all this made me a better person?
What it made was a girl who misunderstood pain and suffering. I was someone who had the normal working life, uni life, social life. I wasn't really suffering any real cause, I just made my life into a non-existant suffering.
The biggest pain of all is PMS. All that crying and anger and stress and emotion. Us girls go through unbelievable pain that no guy can understand. After tears and tears of PMS, it seems like we create and exaggerate the pain onto ourselves. So what I'm trying to say is... pain is induced. It is brought through by carelessness and over-dramatic emotions. These emotions make you think you are suffering but in actual fact, you are only suffering narcissism. It's all about you and your feelings. You and your actions. You and your expectations. You and your so-called fucking pain. It's not fucking pain. It's just you being a pain in the ass.
And there, I have sumarised my perpestive about a woman's side of being in a relationship. Women think and cause too many problems. I blame PMS. And I'm rather annoyed at the 'Carrie and Big' thing. She represents almost every woman on the face of this Earth. I think I'm suffering shame. And just one step closer to Nirvana...