Friday, June 18, 2010
- When I lost you I lost myself. -
It's only the first month of winter and I'm not taking it in so well. Rain is nice sometimes, but not when you work full time and have to deal with public transport.
Fortunately I'm lazy and have been driving to work the entire week.
So this laziness which I always dote on as one of my strong unchangeable habits; it's not something to be proud of is it?
Especially when it hinders great prospects.. I wonder why I let it get the most of me. It has of recent, made me feel so disappointed in myself, which is the worst disappointment, because if I can let myself down, then what hope is there for having faith in others? I'm not sure if I understand what I'm saying there...
I lay there in bed, trying to get to sleep and wonder why I let the chance of salvaging hope slip by. I wonder why I gave up so easily. It never occurred to me that I was a fighter, because the moment that I let it go, I also let go a piece of myself.
So call me dramatic, because I am, but I just feel awful. I've betrayed myself, of all people. I scared myself by thinking, do I really give up this easily? Could I give up life this easily too? It's all too simple to let go of the ropes. There is no struggle, there is no what if.
It just means that I was undeserving. I did not deserve the opportunity because I did not ask, what if?
Do you try, or do you let it all just slip by? Do you watch chance linger and drift away, far enough for you to decide that chance is beyond reach, because you are too lazy to pursue?
I wish I learned my lesson and snap out of this bad dream. I wish I wasn't so happy with this sin of mine and start to be pro-active. I know it's already half way through the year, but I want to make the latter half a good one. One where I can say I succeeded to be a little less lazy - I work in baby steps.
My music is currently taking me back to Evan Yo volume One. And I remember.
I remember when I used to say, 我可以.
There has just got to be better days. And better ways.
Fortunately I'm lazy and have been driving to work the entire week.
So this laziness which I always dote on as one of my strong unchangeable habits; it's not something to be proud of is it?
Especially when it hinders great prospects.. I wonder why I let it get the most of me. It has of recent, made me feel so disappointed in myself, which is the worst disappointment, because if I can let myself down, then what hope is there for having faith in others? I'm not sure if I understand what I'm saying there...
I lay there in bed, trying to get to sleep and wonder why I let the chance of salvaging hope slip by. I wonder why I gave up so easily. It never occurred to me that I was a fighter, because the moment that I let it go, I also let go a piece of myself.
So call me dramatic, because I am, but I just feel awful. I've betrayed myself, of all people. I scared myself by thinking, do I really give up this easily? Could I give up life this easily too? It's all too simple to let go of the ropes. There is no struggle, there is no what if.
It just means that I was undeserving. I did not deserve the opportunity because I did not ask, what if?
Do you try, or do you let it all just slip by? Do you watch chance linger and drift away, far enough for you to decide that chance is beyond reach, because you are too lazy to pursue?
I wish I learned my lesson and snap out of this bad dream. I wish I wasn't so happy with this sin of mine and start to be pro-active. I know it's already half way through the year, but I want to make the latter half a good one. One where I can say I succeeded to be a little less lazy - I work in baby steps.
My music is currently taking me back to Evan Yo volume One. And I remember.
I remember when I used to say, 我可以.
There has just got to be better days. And better ways.
-{ missing you 6/18/2010 11:54:00 pm }-