Monday, April 18, 2011
- Second chances -
I was never good with words. I could never really express my true feelings and at times when I felt like I could, they were corny, cliche feelings that I'd be too embarrassed to say. They say that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. But even making lemonade is quite the task. It's easier to add some honey and make some honey lemon tea. Soothes a good sore throat. I don't understand if I just lack appreciation or if I'm just a very ungrateful person (or both), but I go through so many dramas that could have been done without. People tell me that I shouldn't go through life without explanations for the ones you love. But I find it hard to give explanations because my explanations come out sounding like excuses. It's like today for example. I received a speeding infringement and the police officer asked me if there was a reason why I was 20km over the speed limit. I didn't say anything because anything that I'd say would just come out as an excuse. Maybe I'm a person who likes doing things with no explanation. That way, I could just get away with 'I don't know'. Things never used to be this fucked up. I can pinpoint a date, place and time but somehow, the why factor is absent. Or maybe it was the day that I was going to leave 'why' behind. Everything thereafter, was kind of like a butterfly effect. I didn't mean to hurt people and let people down. But I did. And what's done is done. I have to live with the shame and the hurt. Maybe one day it will subside, but it will take time. So I've decided to bring back the 'why'. I will allow myself to answer 'why not?' every now and then, but with strict discipline will I implement the 'why'. Thank you for bearing with me. -{ missing you 4/18/2011 11:33:00 pm }-